THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UGLY
Why do we feel pressured to look good? What difference does it actually make? Marie Claire delves into the subject to find the real reason behind why we crave ‘pretty.’
“Poison them, drown them, bash them on the head. Got any chloroform? I don't care how you kill the little beasts. Just do it, and do it now!” barks the wretched Cruella De Vil, one of the most hated women in the history of imaginary evil characters. How did she garner so much hatred – was it only because she was an evil dog-hater? We feel it was necessary for author Dodie Smith to garnish her personality with a good dose of hate symbols – an angered heart, unkempt hair and a haggard face. How could we possibly justify hating a pretty damsel-in-distress even if she can’t do without coats that come from Dalmatian puppies?
Perceptions about good and bad have been played around with since ancient Grecian times. What is interesting about these perceptions is that they are almost always correlated to the way you look. The good girls of the golden, silver and bronze screens have to not only look good, but also have perfect hair and skin. On the contrary, the vamp cannot be a vamp without jarring facial expressions that are further exaggerated by trashy makeup.
Inception
So what are these projections trying to tell us? Are they saying that beautiful is good and ugly is bad? Dr. Rachna Khanna Singh, Lifestyle expert cum Psychologist, Artemis Hospital thinks that this comes from an age old conditioning that is deeply rooted within us. For example, when a mother of a wailing child warns him to stop crying, else the ghost/ devil/ Satan will come and take matters into his own hands, instinctively the child imagines an ugly-scary person. Why? How is an infant able to attribute physical characteristics to something they have only been made to imagine (probably even before they learn to distinguish between beautiful and ugly)? This kind of mental-mutation has taken centuries to evolve and might take even longer to change. Singh remarks that these sorts of perceptions are embedded within our subconscious.
Black Swan
This perception only leaves a deeper-darker etching on our social conduct as we grow older. According to Dr. Samir Parikh, Director, Mental Health, Fortis Healthcare, social learning is another major cause of our lopsided view of people. We make a correlation between goodness and the way someone looks almost instantly when we meet someone for the first time. “This is a reflexive thought and factors like rationality follow later on. Hence, it doesn’t necessarily impair our judgment of a person, in the long run” he says. While there might be hope after all, for us picture-imperfect people in this big beautiful world, is it really possible for us to sit back and wait for a second chance? Is it possible to not feel bad when we know exactly what a person we shake-hands with for the first time thinks of us at that moment? (Of course if somehow we are convinced that we are not as good-looking as we wish to be)
Game Of Chance
There are two sides to this story. The first evolves from the pressure of constant competition and poor self-image. They began with peer pressure, low self-confidence and isolation says Dr. Surabbhi Anand, General Physician, R G Hospital. But the bitter side of this story is that perceptions are built into us as we grow up. Comics illustrate ugly villains and films demonstrate the same, while society looks for that picture perfect poster girl. When the media gives us such an image that is perceived to be ideal, why should we not develop such perceptions? We do not want to look pretty just for the sake of looking pretty, but to cope with the stigma attached to ugly exteriors. The beauty pageants’ catch phrase“beauty is on the inside” gives no respite because ironically the so-called inner beauty is judged in a competition between long legged, glowing skinned supermodels!
Mirror of Erised
In Anand’s opinion our perceptions mainly depend on how we see ourselves. A confident woman will perceive herself to be beautiful while a woman with low self confidence might consider herself only worthy of the shadows. In a highly competitive world, every step may seem like crossing a level in the game, The War-of-the-Beauties. No matter how fast you run, it’s impossible to not fall prey to marketing gimmicks, editorials and social networking sites, all promising to make you look better, younger, fuller and sexier. No, you’re absolutely wrong if you think you’re fine the way you are, because darling, you’re just not aware of the options. Tighten that butt, straighten that nose, grow more hair and then post your pictures. How far will we take this battle against nature? And all because we have been conditioned to think ugly people are also bad?
Split Persona
We salute you if you managed to maintain sanity and remain convinced that you’re fine the way you are. But according to Anand, if someone is unhappy with certain aspects of his/ her life and has a poor self-esteem, then it’s natural to constantly have an urge to compare themselves to the people around them. Namita Shetty is a 25 year old engineering graduate who has been on the receiving end of negative criticism because of the way she looks. “My appearance has been more of a bane than a boon. I’ve found it really hard to bag a job because of my looks and adding to this I have problems. It’s a struggle every day to feel good about myself when my appearance seems to attract only negativity,” she says. When these people meet someone who they perceive to be below them on the beauty-meter they feel a sense of relief and pity. Ritwika Ghosh, a 22 year old Mass Communication graduate and aspiring model said, "When I look at unattractive people I do have a tendency to think low of them and there are times when I feel bad for those people but, mostly I'm just glad that I'm not one of them. I can't imagine being in their position." They also develop a sense of superiority, which makes them look down upon ugly people. Not that the person in front of them is impermeable to this contempt. This is a vicious cycle where contempt for the ugly is passed from one insecure person to another. These are the very people who are always craving for reassurance. When they meet people better looking than them, an innate sense of jealousy and envy takes over. This is the reason why very attractive women are often perceived as arrogant.
Wired Differently
To break out of this cycle, Parikh says we must ensure that we teach our children to be media literate and to filter the information provided to them. While there is a noticeable change in the inquisitive younger generations, this process of detaching physical attributes from personality traits is a slow and tedious one. We can hope for a time when such perceptions of beauty no longer exist. Meanwhile, let’s try and give everyone a second chance.