PRE- MEN –O- PAUSE Every Obgyn will warn you of everything that could possibly go south on in your body as you develop and walk the time of life; most people would say. Why then is it that no one has found it expedient to warn me, about the malevolent peril these changes would bring, not only to my body but my mind! How long I been awake and how much sleep have I intermittently burned on my couch, I don’t know. The last I recall, was the piece of pastry in my hand, a cup of soda in between my knees and my son trying to ask me where the ketchup was stored in the refrigerator as I struggled to read through all the paper all four of my children, had brought from school for the day? My body began to sweat profusely and I could feel the heat of the ominous hand of age sliding down my spine with his unwelcome caress, and I cringed; bracing myself up for the onslaught of erratic sensation about to evade my senses. Although incoherent for a moment, I told myself, this time I am going to fight it and suppress this warm feeling and wetness soaking up the arch on my bosom. I spoke too soon, my blouse was the first to come off, then my pants and my crackled breathing and moans caved in as I suddenly jostled the heap of papers down the side table and stood to my feet. I blinked hard, trying to quickly recover from the slaps and itch in unusual places I was feeling. I was terrified but I could not imagine what was going on. My body which was once a casing I knew its every nook and cravis could not help me. The smile turned down the corner of my lips bending into a sad whimper as I stared into the stranger whose eyes locked into mine in an odd but heroic defiance; at the face that showed in the mirror. I tried to force recognition and bring back the old me. Then it hit me. Hard! It was unbelievable and unexpected but hard nevertheless. I slid down slowly in shock to the floor, my mouth agape at the sudden reality I have stumbled on. My time and the seasons of my life were fast changing. I nodded to myself at this stark realization that time had passed by me almost unnoticed, and entangled me in its grip of variant intervals, interruptions and eruptions. I reminisced sadly. How do I deal with this, I asked my face in the mirror who starred back equally bewildered. I was just beginning to feel a nice lull in my life after much turbulence and then this? Really? Uh uh… I am not ready for this. What I am ready for, I conversed in my head, is to maintain a good stand where I am and get in track again just run.
The distance of that thought ended as quickly as it came to me, I felt another heat wave coming like an unwelcomed contraction in the belly of a woman in labor. I stood still, almost afraid to breathe not knowing exactly what part of my anatomy I was going to hurt; being cold and hot at the same time. I was stranded again in my own human track; weirdly mangled unto submission , I curled up, holding my lower abdomen and I knew for sure, I am held captive with a pause I wasn’t ready to entertain! I moved slowly from the floor back up and after a quick glance at the mirror, I made my way back to the chair and I sat down with a heavy sigh, totally confused. I decided the best thing to do was not to panic. So, I sat down and decided to sift through my emotion and try to make sense of it all. In a moment I was part relieved. What I was feeling, wasn’t anything too serious compared in the list of worst things that can happen to the body. But this is not fair! Not fair at all! I screamed loudly to the air mixed with a half cry. My throat was parched dry oblivious of my pain, it demanded some cold water or better still ice and I demanded an answer as to why there were no warning signs of this glorified necessary illness of the body called men o pause.
I dragged my feet noisily to the refrigerator and scooped up ice and began to chew hard on it, still pondering in my mind. It is hard being a woman. I murmured over and over till I got to the couch in the bathroom and sank in .why do we have to be the ones to go through all these hideous changes! And who calls this Menopause anyway, men knows nothing about this suffering and the agitation it heaps on us cannot be rested! Is this another sacrifice that has to be made in the altar of womanhood? Who has called us to this noble cause our bodies are so driven to accomplish. I wonder. “Are you ok? I heard Davey’s voice filter through. “You woke me up”, he mumbled. In my mind, I thought really? How selfish! I looked up and my eyes gnarled at time and Davey not knowing which I could unleash my anger at; but he was still half asleep and he walked by to the couch and in an almost childlike goodness, tried to snuggle up to me in the couch, fully oblivious of my discomfort. The timing couldn’t have been more wrong. The glimpse of his joystick was incendiary to my emotions and it brought me no cheer intended and I urged him to get off my space. Everything irritated me and I started to cry. My tears come down uncontrollably for a moment .This got his attention fast. “It’s going to be alright, he consoled me. I was surprised to see he had an idea of my utmost finding of pre-menopausal engrossment. It was no surprise to him he added, and my discovery was nothing but a truth common to all women; mothers, sisters, wives and to doctors. it was nothing for there are remedies that is suggested to help the process. How come nobody ever warns us all of this impending assault on our bodies. Davey rocked me back and forth slowly brushing back my hair and the firmness of his gentle hand on my lower back gave me some assurance that it was really going to be alright.

I closed my eyes for a moment and regret began to stir up in my heart as I listened to him calmly tell me about the some medical research and findings that are being developed to help assuage the sufferings of menopause. The pang of remorse mounted as I listened on. I realized Davey had been with me patiently and quietly holding my hands as the hormones went off line and leaving me in its wake my frustration on whatever was visible on site to prick and prod everyone and everything. From the toilet seat, kitchen sink and crying about everything. By this time, the baulking storm within me had subsided and so was the heat. I whispered as if afraid of the impeding answer. I asked where time go? Davey smiled boyishly, it’s still here baby, and it’s all here. Time hasn’t gone anywhere but stayed with you as a quiet troubadour. It is all in the crow lines beside your eyes; for every smile, every tear of pain and joy that have travelled your cheeks, it is in the claws of the stretch marks across your belly lines for lives you have sacrificed it all to give and sustain. Although you may not bring sexy back in midriff shorts and tops, the emblem of your triumph lives on and it is greater than the outward beauty displayed therefore the pangs of menopause you feel is a reminder of the imprint of yourself that one day you will leave behind. Baby, it is only a pause and life continues.