Erik Erikson's theory of psychosocial development is one of the best-known theories of personality in psychology. Much like Sigmund Freud, Erikson believed that personality develops in a series of stages. Unlike Freud's theory of psychosexual stages, Erikson's theory describes the impact of social experience across the whole lifespan (Dolgin, 37).

In each stage, Erikson believed people experience a conflict that serves as a turning point in development. In Erikson's view, these conflicts are centered on either developing a psychological quality or failing to develop that quality. During these times, the potential for personal growth is high, but so is the potential for failure (Dolgin, 38).

Erik Erikson’s theory of psychosocial development has helped me understand the individual I am today. “Conflict” has served has a major turning point in my life. This conflict being the sudden illness of my father. This tragic event quickly helped me mature and really understand the meaning of life.

“That’s not fair” was my signature quotation as a little girl. A life full of Barbie’s, tea parties, and several rounds of Go-Fish card games was very demanding for a six year old. I could only assume the world revolved around which Barbie I wanted to be, what frilly dress I wanted to wear, and my pristine skills of winning every round of Go-Fish. As a little princess, fairness was vital to what made me happy. Being daddy’s little girl, I hate to say, I did acquire all the fairness a little princess could receive. For me, the essence of life revolved around such activities. It essentially revolved around me.

As I transitioned from child to pre-teen, I grew out of the Barbie’s and the typical childish endeavors. However, my perception of what was fair remained unaltered. Volleyball games, soccer games and gymnastic meets were all termed as ‘fun and games,’ but for me it was only fair if I won.

When I was a sophomore in high school, the word “fair” took on a whole other meaning the day my mom took my brother and me to lunch. As we sat down at the picnic table she hesitantly twisted the diamond protruding from her gold wedding band. We were currently going through a difficult financial bump at the time and all I could theorize was that we lost our house or my dad’s job. We waited for our greased up pizzas in silence, my brother and I only knowing that she had “something to tell us,” but not knowing what. The silence was unbearable; waiting for something that must have no positive outcome was definitely, as I would term, unfair.

After the waiter delivered our pizzas, my mom’s voice filled the intolerable silence. Unlike her usual motherly lectures, her voice seemed just as excruciating as the previous silence; it was uncertain, unfamiliar, and distant. My mom has always been the woman that I admire and would hope to become. The smiles and love she has given to my brother and me have been unconditional and contagious. At the moment, the slightly tilted frown and the unfulfilled eye-contact was not the woman that I knew as my mother. All I wished for was to read her mind, figure out who she had become so that I could make everything better and change her back to the woman I see myself being one day.

She began with her understanding voice: “Kids, I can see the concern on your faces and I am here to tell you that your father has bladder cancer. He will be undergoing surgery next week Wednesday and all I ask from you kids is to be mature and as helpful as possible. I know you kids are strong and that this is not much to ask.”

For the first time, her sentence was incomplete…there was no “He will be fine” or “Everything will be taken care of.” I had too many questions, How long has he had cancer? Will he have to undergo chemo therapy? Will he lose all his hair? How will I tell my friends that my dad has cancer? But every muscle in my body was paralyzed, my pizza was untouched and this was totally unfair.

A year later, I was faced with a simple task and a difficult concept. My father was going through his third round of treatment, which required my mother’s intensive care. I was simply asked by my mother to drive to the store and pick up a few groceries. For her, it was a task that would be helpful and beneficial to our family because she was needed at home. As for me, it was a task I deemed unfair and atypical for a teenage girl with her brand new license, craving to go out on her Friday night. Now that I had my license, I was apparently my mom’s new chauffeur. Passing the road test was something I had looked forward to; something that would define my new freedom from my family. I could not quite wrap my head around why my mother would ask me to do such a task: a task designated for mothers.

At the store, I impatiently stood in line waiting to hand the cashier the piles of groceries that my mother was incapable of attending. As I stood there, I happened to spot a blue, metallic, aluminum balloon with the bolded words ‘Get Well Soon.’ At that moment, I realized that my duty at the store was not a punishment for my new success of passing my license, but rather a responsible task of a woman. This was my responsibility, my contribution that would show my dad that I, his little princess, would do anything to return him the favor of treating him like royalty.

As a woman, I understand that life’s trials cannot be won like a fair game of go-fish. I do wish that becoming a woman would not be as torturous as finding out that your father has cancer. However, for me, becoming a woman is accepting that I have a job of responsibility and that the world does not revolve around me. Daddy’s Little Princess is still one of my father’s nicknames for me, but I do not play the role quite as well anymore. As for my mother, her example of a loving, responsible, understanding woman has allowed me to become a woman of such qualities. These past two years have been the most unfair time of my life, but I would not trade this experience for anything because it has shaped me into who I am today: a woman.

There are several definitions of the term “coming of age.” I immediately found one that caught my attention that has summed up both my experience and my mothers as little girls.

“There comes a time is each person's life when they reach the point where they are no longer children, but adults. The transition from a child into a young adult is often referred to as the "coming of age," or growing up. 
Certain children reach this stage through a tragic, painful event, which affects them to such extent that they are completely changed. Other children reach this time by simply growing older and having a better understanding of the world around them (Dolgin).

During the interview with my mother, I asked her simple questions regarding “coming of age.” I asked questions such as, “how did you realize you were coming of age, what was a major turning point in your life, and how do you feel now, do you feel as if you reached “coming of age?” My mother was excited about the interview, because she was able to go more in depth about her past, which has shaped her into the incredible mother she is today. She explained to me that the biggest turning point in her life, of “coming of age” was the death of her father. She had to learn to help her mother cope and be strong for her sisters. His death was sudden. The death of her father helped her mature much quicker than others at the age of ten.

Just like me, my mother experienced the sudden illness of her father, which unfortunately led to his death. Similarly speaking, it was evident that each of us had two tragic events in our lives that have changed us. The sudden illness of both of our fathers quickly caused us to mature and understand the true meaning of life. Through both of their diagnosis we were both able to embrace life and be appreciative for what we had. Spending every second with our fathers is what mattered most for the both of us.

After interviewing my mother, we were able to compare our feelings and emotions into what has shaped us into the women we are today. Through the interview we cried but we also were able to embrace the fact that we have both experienced something so tragic. Many are not able to understand the hardship of finding out news of a loved one, or the death of a loved one until it is experienced. My mother and I can quickly relate to each other. I think this forms the close bond that we share.

Both of the experiences that we have encountered have caused us to come of age quicker than others. After receiving the news that my father was sick, I had to be strong for my family just like my mother did when she was a little girl. I follow in my mother’s footsteps. I look up to her and idolize her as my role model.

Reference

"Erik Erikson." Wikipedia. Wikimedia Foundation, 21 Sept. 2013. Web. 22 Sept. 2013.

Dolgin, Kim Gale. The Adolescent: Development, Relationships, and Culture. Boston Etc.: Allyn & Bacon, 2011. Print.