Reflection #7 Religion and spirituality is a subject that I have been conflicted with since freshman year. What does it mean to be spiritual and now religious? My grandma, a devout Pentecostal, considers it “sinner doing what they like and thinking they can enter the kingdom.” For such a long time, I thought she was right. How can one ignore religion but still feel some level of spiritual connection? As I have traveled along this college journey, I have begun to question my faith and even scrutinize it. The same things that I thought that were inherently un-debatable are now up for discussion. Many of them revolve around women and sexuality. Growing up in a Pentecostal background, the way I viewed women were more on a level of high respect and dignity according to standard principle and reflection. It was not in good taste to see a women make more than her husband or lead the household. It was looked down upon to see women wear pants or act out in a very flamboyant or bold manner that drew abnormal amounts of attention. Women, in many ways were seen as the strong supporting cast role in a film that seems to spotlight the leading male performance. For most of my life, I was groomed to be this leading man and that often shaped how I viewed the role of women. Marriage was to be something that was expected, otherwise there would be no discussion of love or sex or children. “A man is worse than an infidel if he does not take care of his children,” my elders used to preach. I never wanted to be anything less of that expectation. As time went by, I was realized I was hiding a grave secret. I was gay in a world where such a thing was considered a disease, a cancer, a psychological disability. I grew up hearing stories of men who were either outcast or rebuked for such a sin. I even was told of God turning such men into a reprobated mind, in reference to those whom