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Short Story About Depression

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Submitted By Andrea17
Words 1026
Pages 5
I woke up feeling uncomfortably hot. My lower back and cheeks felt flushed and my eyes opened with ease, like I hadn’t slept at all. My thick curtains blocked all sunlight and the dainty Christmas lights that lined my bed all year were twinkling, they created an atmosphere that was typical of my room, no matter what time of day it was. My parents gave me a hard time about sleeping with those lights on but I like having them on, they feel safe. I lay in my intertwined sheets and lush pillows staring at the photos that cover my wall. I had an entire wall filled with photos I took on my 1970 Konica 35mm camera, and I have a drawer filled with rolls of film yet to be developed. I stared at all the smiling faces and all the beautiful scenery. Hundreds of moments in my life that I felt I should capture. For me that’s what photography is about. It’s to remind myself that I am happy. When everything in the world seems awful and dark I have proof right in front of me that I can be ok. Each photo is like a note to my future self, that there are more beautiful memories to be made, and more pictures to be taken.

The comforters tangled around my legs became suddenly unbearable and with a flare of irritation I began to make my bed perfectly before crawling back in and trying to fall back to sleep.Unsurprisingly it was to no use. After tossing and turning for what felt like hours I came to the conclusion that I had no idea what day it was or what time it might be. Its crazy how my brain works. Sometimes, useless melancholy thoughts occupies my mind so tightly that I have no room left -not even for mundane things like dates and times. This realization sent a chilling bolt of fear into my stomach. I forced

myself up and out of bed, my body felt sore and stiff. I felt like the “Tin Man” from the wizard of Oz. This brought a little smile to my face. Smiling felt alien and I began to ponder : “ When was the last time I had smiled?” As I walked over to my window I searched for a memory of the last grin that blessed my mouth and the reason behind it- nothing came to mind. Panic filled my guts and chest again, it became so important to me to locate and appreciate this memory and I couldn’t find it anywhere. Tears filled my panicked eyes as I reached my windows and threw open the curtains. I loved doing that. Opening the curtains real wide, real fast not knowing what to expect.Today I was pleasantly surprised that the sky was the kind of pastel pinks and purples I love to paint with my watercolours. I knew this meant it was early in the morning, and this calmed me.I took a deep breath and appreciated that I was able to start a new day. I could start it however I wanted and I decided today I was going to force myself out of this horrible funk. Right In that moment I felt strong enough to face the world, much stronger than i’d felt in a while. I checked my phone it was 4:50am – Wednesday.

I snuck downstairs slowly trying my best not to wake anyone up. I didn’t have to leave for school for close to three hours so I had time. I headed out the door, and the feeling of crisp fall air filling my lungs was so satisfying I was instantly elated. I love walking and being outside, I had barely left the house in days. I realized I missed this. I was so excited to be doing something normal and feeling ok that I started to run, almost as if all the energy I had built up sleeping and moping for these past couple days,

suddenly needed to be let out. I wanted all that stale energy out, so I ran and ran and even when my throat started to sting from the sharp wind I kept running. I live in a tiny house on lots of property, and so I can do things like this without having to worry about anyone else seeing me. I kept running and walking and skipping towards the forest that outlined my property.

I entered the bubble of greens and browns that was forest I grew up in. I felt very proud I was able to force myself to do this and after some climbing and crouching I finally reached my favourite spot. It was a little cave like nook that overlooked the small waterfall in the heart of the woods. I sat down, leaned my head against the rocks and closed my eyes, smelling the water, dirt and moss. This was a beautiful thing and I regretted not grabbing my camera before I began my wild sprint. I started picturing myself running and began to laugh because it all seemed crazy,and as I laughed I began to cry because it all seemed so necessary. I thought back to the second I woke up, trying to figure out what was different about today, why couldn’t I get out of bed yesterday or the day before, why today? As I remembered how hot I felt, and the Christmas lights, and the pictures, and the unmade bed, and my smile and the pink sky - I saw how little it all meant. And I thought about how in a year from now, who cares that I woke up and forgot what day it was on Wednesday November 18th at 4:50am. All these things have such big effects of me and how I feel and the smallest things can send me into deep sadness, and its making me miss the good things around me. However, today is not about feeling sorry for myself or beating myself up. I’ve spent days doing that. Today was going to be a great day and I couldn’t wait for it to begin.

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