Asking For Help: A Self Reflection Assignment: from Personal to Professional Responses

Professor Robyn Brown-Manning
SW 717 Social Work Practice and Learning Lab
Assignment 1

We live in a world or society where there are certain fundamental needs, which are important in facilitating our development. “These needs can be considered in two overall categories: the need for security, and the need to accommodate the drive toward growth,” (Brill, 2005, pg. 27) all of which can be fulfilled by education. As a citizen of the United States, in an egalitarian society where educational advancement is fostered, I was able to become closer towards achieving the American dream. Education was also seen by my immigrant family as an important factor in attaining greater opportunities and ultimately an improved lifestyle. The process of accomplishing the American dream is one which is not always easy and comes with many challenges. One important challenge was getting the resources I needed to further my academic goals, which was hampered by my parents’ inability to understand the educational system in the United States, and my parents’ limited financial assets. As a result, I knew I would have to depend on outside assistance. This proved to be a difficult task for me, because as a male I felt there was a negative stigma associated with asking for help from an outside source as this may display vulnerability. Nevertheless, with dedication and support from those who I trusted, it made the American dream more possible.
My parents’ experiences have led them to have high expectations of me, and encouraged me to aspire for the highest achievement possible considering they were not fortunate enough to have the opportunity to acquire a higher degree than primary school. They were forced to deal with issues of oppression in their home country, involved mainly in domestic duties, and responsible for tending to their elders and family members. The pressure of living up to my parents’ expectations prompted feelings of anxiety, nervousness, and self-incompetence, as this task seemed overtly impossible. This drove my ambition in life, and enabled me to be the first in my family to graduate from high school. It was one of the greatest accomplishments that paved the road toward continuous growth. I was beginning to taste the sweetness of success and wanted to continue up the ladder to victory.
However, the idea of advancing my education was in jeopardy due my parent’s inadequate funds available and their lack of knowledge on pursuing a college degree. In adolescent studies, researchers found that high levels of assets favorably affected adaptive functioning (Abernethy, 2011). Also, families with little or no education undergo limited early learning opportunities as seen in a study by Abukari, (2011), which shows significant relationships between students’ grades and sense of optimism, region of residence, presence of school mentor, parental social support, and neighborhood safety. These results implicate that obtaining a higher education may be impossible without the proper financial assistantship, or guidance.
My parents’ realized the predicament I faced with the possibility of not being able to attend college, and supported the idea of seeking help from my school peers whom were going through the same situation. Unfortunately, my personal beliefs about asking for help hindered the process, which is supported by Bowles and Fallon, 2001 who state “help seeking is affected by the nature of the problem and how the problem is perceived by the individual.” My fear was not only being criticized as incompetent, but also as a weak individual who was supposed to be intellectual and influential. As the likelihood of not being able to achieve a college education seemed like it was becoming reality, I realized the need to meet and defy these expectations. I weighed the pros and cons and decided that seeking help would not only bring rewards, but assist collectively with accomplishing my goal. I began to understand that needing direction in one’s life is a general human process that applies to almost everyone and would enable me to improve myself. I consulted my high school counselor, and school peers, for advice with enrolling into college, inquired about the programs various colleges offered and the possible career pathways it may lead to. I found both my guidance counselor and peers to be very helpful in describing the process of applying to college, the benefits of obtaining a college education. I also learned about financial assistance such as grants and loans that were applicable to my situation. My guidance counselor’s status as a college graduate reassured me of her competence and also made me feel comfortable asking for assistance. The guidance counselor explained to me the privilege of attaining a college education and also stated that I would be able to move forward and grow as an individual. Although my peers were not college graduates, I was able to relate to them on various levels because of our age, and similar situations we faced while making a life altering decision. My peers convinced me obtaining a college education would enhance my academic profile, which would allow me to achieve a higher status similar to my guidance counselor. Since my peers’ knowledge about the college process was comparable to mine, and they were uncertain about many aspects of applying for school and expectancies, we decided to attend different college orientations. Ultimately, through the process of obtaining help, I was able to face my challenges, understand how to resolve these issues, and make a final decision about my college of choice. Overall, by asking for help I was able to create an atmosphere of empowerment. While I might have not had the answers to my questions, I was willing to find the answers by communicating with others to improve my understanding. I recognized my pride was preventing me from getting the aid necessary and would have kept me isolated and insecure. In the process of consulting others for assistance, I was also able to realize that I was not alone in this struggle, and a part of becoming successful involves identifying your strengths and weaknesses. By allowing myself to seek help I learned a valuable lesson in accepting that help is not a sign of weakness or vulnerability, but makes one a better person. The important information I gained will allow me to accomplish my goal of growing as individual, and eventually achieve the American dream. Additionally, the process of asking for help can enable one to gain power and privilege, where power allows one to become more aware and proficient, while privilege is where I would enjoy the advantages of a college education. By experiencing the process of asking for help, I was able to realize that one needs to understand one’s self in order to begin to the fathom the idea of asking for assistance. “People are endowed with both the need and the capacity to relate meaningfully to others” (Brill, 2005, pg.45). By seeking help from an individual, you enable others to assist and relate to your issues where they can also provide insight. It is human to feel seeking guidance is a form of weakness as “attitudes and behaviors develop in response to unconscious needs and drives for protection from pain, preservation of personal integrity, allowance for essential growth, and assistance with dealing with reality” (Brill, 2005, pg.23). However, people that are able to free themselves of the stigma and feelings with asking for help can experience the full potential of the human communications.
In the event I was in the position to assist someone who is facing challenges with the issue of pursing a college education, I would try to make the individual feel comfortable around me, so I can understand their true problems. Based on my experience, I know it is a difficult mission in deciding whom to ask for help, therefore allowing the individual to get acquainted and familiar with their surroundings would prove to be beneficial. This is exemplified in the case of a guidance counselor who is perceived as a person with privilege, and a great depth of knowledge to cater to needs of many individuals. It is reasonable, one can feel incompetent when attempting to receive help however, understanding that guidance can bring awareness and a resolution to a problem makes the process more approachable. Also, informing the individual that they are not alone in their struggles, and the process of providing assistance for their situation is one familiar by the guidance counselor, can gain the confidence of the individual seeking help. Conversely, in a situation which involves peer to peer assistance, an individual may be hesitant to request assistance from a peer because of feelings of inadequacy. These feelings are normal due to one’s comparative nature. To dissolve these feelings of inadequacy, one has to make the peer seeking help feel they are not being judged or criticized, but are welcome and comfortable in getting help to improve a situation. If the individual is able to understand that social competence is integral in maintaining academic and social success, the process of asking for help would seem simpler. Relating to a peer can play an important role in counteracting some of the negative effects of being helpless. Working together can prove to be a tool for recognizing each other’s weaknesses and confusions.
When seeking help from a professional, one would expect them to be knowledgeable in the situation and also for \them to be understanding. Knowing that someone of a higher status has expertise in a certain area, i.e. guidance counselor, one can consult a guidance counselor for numerous amounts of issues and grasping this concept will benefit the person seeking help. Also knowing that the person is mindful of your differences will assist with problem solving. “Reflection and self-awareness help physicians to examine belief systems and values, deal with strong feelings, make difficult decisions, and resolve interpersonal conflict” (Epstein, 1999, pg.833). Professionals are expected to be conscious of each unique individual’s differences and would enable one to utilize their assistance to their full potential.
Allowing ones’ self to participate in help seeking will enable one to grow as an individual and learn from others experiences. This is where self-assessment comes into play in determining how one tends to react in certain situations, which can facilitate learning more about themselves. In our lives, we will come in contact with a variety of people, ranging from personal to professional, which can provide assistance in different ways. Knowing there are people we can rely on, allows us to have a peace of mind, which is needed to get through challenging times. It may seem difficult at times to identify and seek support, but it proves to be important. Help seeking may prove to ease the load of stress and pressures of life. Society should be encouraged to ask for help in order to access and utilize the valuable and available support services.