Battering is a sign of love.
Anything can trigger aggression of husband, even little things such as wrong word, look as well as activity.
Psychologists come to help. Such problem happens in every family at least once. The reason is very commonplace – a necessity to assert power and control over significant other, which is very typical for our men. Any trifle can trigger violence: a wife said, looked or did something wrong
Victims of domestic violence can call to hot lines in Moscow crisis center ANN ( Association against violence), where psychologists provide psychological aid and work out personal safety plan for victims. Indeed, most of those who turned to helpline, desperate enough, they can’t find way-out from situation without help. That's when psychologists from the center come to help. First of all, they help women to decide how to behave with their husbands. It is advisable, in case husband will lock down a wife at home - to give the spare keys to the relatives or ask neighbors immediately to call the police, when they will hear noise in the apartment. Personal visit to the local police department is also possible. Unfortunately, this move in Russia is associated with a serious problem, so you need to prepare for a long fight.
Quite common husbands give bribes, or sloppiness by the police in performing their duties also possible. Police consider domestic assault to be less serious and more personal. There are cases, when policemen offered a woman to handcuff their husbands-troublemakers without charges in order to beat him up in the department. Or cynically declared: "It is not by chance that he beats you, it seems impossible to live with you!" There are, of course, Articles on spousal battering in the Criminal Code, but it is hard to make the police to do their job. Especially if it relates to family, when husband and wife is finger and thumb.
- Of course, our consultants provide women with all sort of the information that may be required in the case of domestic violence - says Alexander Kareva. Legal, medical and social assistance. At any time - for free - women are encouraged to use the services of experts in our center. We have 4 psychologists who provide individual consulting, at Moscow council center there are two lawyers, who have undergone special trainings. We also have at our disposal a social worker, who not only accompanies a woman to the court, but also serves as a public defender and an expert on the issue of domestic violence. But at the same time, it is a woman who makes the decision how to live after.
Are all men the same? Psychologists and councilors do not give ready-made recipes. Every story is unique, although they are typical. Only those understand who face rancorous, obsessive jealousy.
. Initially, ban as well as deprivation of freedom – are the article of the Criminal Code –commented Alexandra Kareva. It is a crime to hold down the person in any room. No one has the right to do so, even husbands.
To keep a woman by his side is least a batterer can do. Fractures of the ribs, legs, arms, head, jaw, nose, concussion, bruising all over the body - not a complete list of damages, which brought clients of ANN to the emergency stations after violence assaults of “significant other”. No matter how terrible signs of battery are, the most shocking case involved pianist and her husband. In one of the assaults husband calmly broke all her fingers, realizing how important fingers in the occupation of his wife. He was charged with trivial injury and convicted to suspended sentence by the court. And the victim was on the verge of suicide. Crisis center employees distinguishes wives of policemen as a special group. Their "education" is conducted very fastidiously: strokes are inflicted professionally – involving the most painful places, however no traces remain. Try to prove that domestic assault took place. In fact, there is no one to prove. The husband has chaps everywhere and nobody would interfere in a family conflict
Unfortunately, official statistics on domestic violence in Russia does not exist. According to the Moscow center ANN, working about 11 years now, more 70% husband is a source of violence over a woman, 10-12% ex-husband ( not all women can move out from their husbands after the divorce and continue to live with him in the same apartment), about three percent - the violence of adult children in relation to the mother. Of course, the data is approximate. It is problematical to identify the true scale of violence. Not every victim is ready to admit such horrible things even to the psychologists. Those who do, are on the verge.
If you've married, just grin and bear it.
By the way, crisis center ANN cooperates with American, and they have the same problem with courts, police, prosecutors as well as domestic violence. Women are subject to the domestic assaults in USA and Europe almost at the same as in Russia. The only difference is the foreign protection system of women has reached high level. The state policy means police stations with special departments on domestic violence, special juries, underwent educational trainings, works in the court, law Prevention of Domestic Violence is enforced. One shouldn’t even mention well-developed network of providing psychological, social as well as legal assistance. The crisis centers or shelter provide all kind of services, needed in the case of domestic violence. The value of these shelters also in the fact apart from the consultations they give the victim an opportunity to escape from her husband, and wait out the danger as much as it needs to reduce the tension of the situation. And all this due to the support of the federal government as well as local.
Human rights are protected by the state there, so it is not hard to find a justice to the men-batterers. The law even offers them an alternative choice: either imprisonment, or one-year visits to the psychotherapeutic groups, which are seriously monitored by the police. This is the most effective measure, because it leads men to realization of their behavior and teach them how to live without violence.
A protective order issued by a court enables a woman to feel safe. Then the guilty man must refrain from contacts with the affected wife not to approach her and her dwelling, not to prosecute and not to attack. The warrant may also authorize an automatic deduction of alimony for the dependent family members maintenance. Violation of any of the items entails criminal liability.
Sad that in this respect Russia has hopelessly lagged behind America and some European states. And Russian women have no hope of achieving Western standards. Divorce is here to remain the only means of our salvation from the aggressive husbands. And we will still be the first to leave our own house just to let sleeping dogs lie. Till we face a choice: it’s either it me, or I him.
Recently, at a Russian-American conference on domestic violence, the results of studies, looking into the issue of husbands’ murder by their wives were announced. So, in Russia in nine cases out of ten the crime were fuelled by systematic violence on the part of the husband. As regards the wife murder, the statistics have become markedly outdated. According to the data of 1998, the figure stood at fourteen and a half thousand. Since then, studies haven’t been conducted.
- In Moscow there are many hotlines, for women as well, and none for men - says deputy director of the crisis center "Anna" Elena Potapova. - Recently we’ve conducted an experiment and suggested that men also call our "hotline". And guess who responded? The aggressors and offenders themselves. As a result of these conversations, a terrible regularity was revealed. Men who can admit that: yes, the fault is all mine, I’m the one who abuses family members and I want to change, - unfortunately, don’t exist. As there are no men conscious of the fact that spousal sexual assault –is also a crime .
However, the crime, rarely leads to criminal proceedings. As a rule, marital rape cases are treated reluctantly at the police department. And at many public prosecution offices cases are filed only if a husband and wife are divorced or living apart. The principle “if you’re married, you just have to bear it, "is deeply ingrained.
Called others - with similar problems, and quite different ones. But they all shared one thing - they were alone in this situation and in dire need for help. If you are a victim of domestic violence, remember: the password - "Anna". (095) 124-61-85. From 9.00 to 12.00, except weekends.

Domestic Violence
In Belarus there is no generalized statistics on marital abuse, but the problem is amenable to objective analysis. Firstly, in the statistical reports of the Ministry of Internal Affairs, a group of crimes committed because of jealousy, quarrel and other domestic reasons is singled out, whose storylines help to identify cases of domestic violence. Second, the situation in the sphere of family relations is studied by sociological services. These sources make it possible to assess the extent of the danger to which women are exposed to within the walls of their own houses, establish the reasons for this alarming phenomenon.
It is generally accepted that domestic violence is restricted to pathological families, families with alcohol abuse, poor families. However the studies show that violence is not always related to alcoholism and poverty. Psychological violence is very common for family relations. It includes rudeness (48% of households), the humiliation of each other (14%) and physical abuse - assault (6%). Rudeness in relations between the majority of men and women is seen as the norm of family discussion. The number of families where the husband abuses his wife (beats, threatens, kicks out of the house, etc.), is 3.5 times higher than the families where the wife abuses her husband. Among those exposed to physical violence inflicted by a spouse, women make up the majority (29% of women and 3% of men).
The consequences of domestic violence can be death, injury, sometimes irreversible mental illnesses, suicide, shattered self-esteem of the victims, etc. Constant rough handling can provoke women to retaliate violence against their husbands, cohabitants, etc. But in general it is much less common, in less severe forms, and usually for the sake of self-defense. While this situation is constantly changing – now women are more likely to resort to violence.
It should be noted that statistics covers only the "tip of the iceberg." Domestic violence remains largely outside the scope of the criminal justice system and out of the public eye as due to various reasons. Among them is women’s desire of to preserve the family, the interdependence of victims and perpetrators, the reluctance to resort to formal proceedings of family conflicts, and sometimes just unwillingness "to wash dirty linen in public", as well as the complexity of classifying certain acts of violence as criminal acts, etc.
According to the public perception violence is still an internal affair of the family. Belarusian folklore still retains the folk sayings like: "Battering is a sign of love". Such stereotype for most women means hopeless existence and continuous series of sophisticated bullying and beatings. In the country under the current system of housing divorce doesn’t always lead to the end of bullying, because divorced couples often have to live in one flat, under one roof.
The victim should address the police first in order to contact the judicial system. But in practice the victim and the police usually change information only in one direction: the victim is required to provide all the information to the police, while the latter is not obliged to inform the victim. Family conflicts are one of the most common causes of calling the police. But the role of the police in dealing with complaints related to domestic violence is traditionally limited to a small intervention. Detention of abuser usually performed only on the ground of being drunk, resistance to the police officer, hooliganism. The reasons for this approach is the lack of understanding of the fact that the victim suffered moral damage, focusing on the fact that a woman - a victim of domestic violence, is only interested in stopping the incident and doesn’t want to conduct the trial.
At the same time there are factors that hinder the real and potential victims from calling to the police. These are reasonable fear of victims that the offender will not be arrested, as well as distrust of the legal system, fear of insulting investigation process and the reluctance to make her secret go public. However, we need to consider domestic violence not only as a medical and social problem that is outside the control of the state, but also as a socially significant problem that require urgent action.
Victim with the order
Domestic violence only in its most blatant and rude manner – assault and battery - Belarus is almost a part of traditional family relations. In 2003 in Belarus were committed 2200 domestic violence crimes, including 165 murders and 380 cases of severe bodily injuries. During five months of 2004 1300 crimes were registered, including 77 murders and 186 cases of severe bodily injuries.
But domestic violence is not limited by criminal offenses. According to the Chamber of Representatives of the National Assembly of Belarus Anna Drilling, Alexander Svirid and Nadezhda Tsyrkun, rudeness and humiliation is considered to be violence as well. That is why members have developed and introduced to Parliament a draft law "On the prevention and suppression of domestic violence." The bill involves the protection of all victims of violence, regardless of sex and age. (For this purpose it is supposed to introduce the term "dependent family member" and "victim of violence", which can be both men and women, as well as children, adults and elderly people). In addition to the terms "physical violence" and "sexual abuse" the bill contains the terms which are new for the Belarusian legislation - "psychological violence" and "economic violence". Among the preventive measures provided by the project are the issuing of restraining orders to the perpetrators of violence and temporary protective order to the victims of violence. The second stage of protection is the imposition of a formal notice and providing victims of violence a permanent protective order. A formal notice prohibits the aggressor from using the joint property solely and obliges to pay for the cost of maintenance the housing and to provide livelihoods for the victims of violence. In case of infringement of a formal notice an abuser can be brought to administrative or criminal liability. In order to get a temporary protective order the victim should file an application in the police office. And it seems to be a weak point in the bill. Similar prevention of domestic violence successfully operates in the US because they have a different culture of legal relations. Even conflicts with neighbors are solved in writing with the help of the lawyers. Belarusian people have their own notions of ethics and legal family relations. Victims of domestic violence resort to the help of law enforcement agencies when the police called by neighbours had arrived, and the next day they tend to take their application back. In addition, the housing problem can impede the practice of "protective orders". In other countries a judge due to the protective order could avoid the tragedy by separating the couple at different sides of "Ring": one side is to change a place of residence, and the victim of violence who broke a protective order can be called to account for resistance of the judicial bodies. In Belarusian five-storey apartment block, or so-called “khruschovka” this distance will be difficult to comply with. And if the abuser and the victim change their roles, "who started it first", it will be impossible to understand anything...