Practical Book Review One: Petersen by Tom Radcliff
Introduction to Pastoral Counseling
March 19, 2012
Liberty University Baptist Seminary
Lynchburg, VA

PRACTICAL BOOK REVIEW ONE: PETERSEN
I. Summation. In our personal and professional relationships, everyone is affected by the way we communicate. And in our fast-paced world we live in it is becoming increasingly difficult for people to send and receive clear and meaningful messages. Effective communication is vital to healthy relationships such that the absence of it can bring any relationship to a “grinding halt” (Petersen 2007, 4). Why Don’t We Listen Better? is a tool box full of practical advice designed to help relationships flourish through enhanced communication techniques. Dissecting the intricate parts of communication, Petersen focuses on the elusive art of effective listening. Through detailed examples and realistic scenarios, Petersen demonstrates in vivid detail the profound role “real listening” plays in our lives. In the process, he candidly exposes his own shortcomings, which gives the reader comfort in knowing that even experts in the field can face challenges. This user-friendly guide is for readers who want to create thriving relationships through effective and productive conversation. Although I found Petersen’s work to be an invaluable resource, I did not agree with everything the author suggested. For example, I was not convinced with the notion of using his Talker-Listener Card (TLC) as an objective third person mediating a heated discussion (Petersen, 55). The basic premise behind the TLC is to help people become better communicators by taking turns talking and listening. When the card is flashed, the objective is to oblige the other person to listen first before talking to their partner. I do not see this idea as being practical in the real-world arena of contentious communication. I foresee the card getting snatched out of the person’s hand and getting ripped to shreds as the perpetrator stomps away angry. Nevertheless, productive communication is a vital component of the human experience and Petersen’s attempt to improve one’s skills is noteworthy and commendable. Petersen uses real world experiences to teach the reader how to handle difficult situations and people. The stories provide practice steps for one to improve listening skills.
II. Reflection. In reading Petersen’s introduction about “the couple who was nearly coming to blows” (3), the Holy Spirit convicted me of the challenges in my own marriage. The opening scenario reminded me of how a simple discussion with my wife, Susan, has a tendency to turn into a long winded attempt for either of us to “win the discussion and put ourselves above the other” (7).
Recently, as we’ve been searching for a new home in Pennsylvania, we’ve come to odds on just about every topic imaginable: should we buy one or two-story home, what color the kitchen cabinets should be, or who gets the top pick for a study or arts-and-crafts space. Over the years, our disagreements have usually ended up with either of us realizing we’re in dangerous waters so we instinctively end our conversations with a nod and we walk away feeling empty due to our inability to agree on even the most trivial matters. In this respect, I experience failure on a regular basis to the point that I feel I’m always at the edge of a cliff ready to jump. Why Don’t We Listen Better? let me see a reflection of me that I am ashamed of. I’ve realized that my listening skills need honing because I want to be the husband God has called me to be. After reading Petersen’s work, the Holy Spirit has awakened my self-awareness and provided me direction to become a better listener.
III. Investigation. The Flat-Brain Theory of Emotions is a model developed by Petersen to show how the interaction between our feelings and thoughts affects our relationships. An understanding of this physiological and cognitive interface provides us insight on “how to communicate our concerns and how to listen so others can calm down, think and act more clearly” (Petersen 2007, 11). His portrayal of the flat brain syndrome is indispensable. To think of communication from the perspective of the stomach, heart, and head is creative and gives the reader word pictures to which he can easily relate. The stomach is described as the place where our feelings are located. The heart is the place where we “give and receive concerns, suggestions, and support.” The heart “recognizes that we don’t possess the whole truth and that we can confidently own our views and remain open to the views of others” (12). Finally, the head is the place for logic. Here where we process information from the people and environment.
Petersen wittily points out that what occurs during misunderstandings is that the stomach fills with feelings to such a high degree that they press the heart upwards. The heart then compresses the brain against the top of the skull thereby flattening the brain, which results in the flat brain syndrome. When we arrive at this flat-brain condition, we are unable to process information, react sensibly or think rationally (23). Petersen’s ideas parallel Hawkins’ Pastoral Assessment Model which also employs psychological, physical and relational strategies to aid us in determining “what is happening in a counselee’s spiritual core and soul (thinking, feeling choices) while attempting to understand what is happening in his/her presenting relationships” (Hawkins, 5). Similarly, Rice’s Multifaceted View of the Self challenges us to look at the way we “think, feel, choose, and relate to God and others” (Rice, 1). Rice and Petersen, especially, highlight how our physical condition significantly affects how we communicate and relate to others. Rice suggests that it is difficult to think right when we’re “not feeling right” and encourages us to “think somatically” (Rice, 4).

IV. Application. This week’s learning activities have been the most insightful experiences in this course so far. As I navigated through the book and prepared this review, the Holy Spirit convicted me every step of the way. Throughout the applications, I envisioned standing in front of a mirror with God beside me pointing out every aspect of my relational self that needs improvement. I found the Petersen, Hawkins and Rice manuscripts to be loaded with comprehensive instruction that will help me get better in both my counseling and personal life scenarios. a. First, if I am going to be effective for God, I must understand, and help others to do the same, that positive change may never come until we get busy restoring the image of God in our innermost core, mind and spirit (Hawkins, 5). As we endeavor to achieve our life goals, we must strive to become “imitators of Jesus Christ in every domain of our selves” (8). b. Second, positive change must start with me! One of my revelations from our Wonderful Counselor this week is that I will not be able to help others until I realize, understand and improve upon my own vulnerabilities. To do so, I will begin by maintaining an “accurate awareness” of myself (Hawkins, 9) and help my counselees do the same. I will employ the multitude of resources that are available to help me realize my weaknesses as well as my spiritual gifts and relational style. c. Third, if I am to be an effective instrument for God in my personal, professional and community (church) roles, I need to understand my “multi-faceted nature and those elements that influence how I think, feel and relate to God, self, and others” (Hawkins, 2). Coupled with Hawkins’ Pastoral Assessment Model and Rice’s Multi-faceted View of the Self, Petersen’s work has made me aware that I have a problem listening to others. Since recently becoming aware of this flaw in my character through the various course assignments I’ve noticed the Holy Spirit at work within me ‘nudging’ me to be quick to listen and slow to speak (James 1:19).
My goal is to work hard on my self-awareness, understand and improve upon my weaknesses, and learn to listen better so my relationships can flourish in Christ.

References

Holy Bible, New Living Translation, 2004. Tyndale.
Hawkins, Ron. PowerPresentation: Developing a Comprehensive Pastoral Assessment of the Self.PACO500. Lynchburg, VA: Liberty University Baptist Seminary.
Petersen, James. 2007. Why Don’t We Listen Better? Communicating and connecting in relationships. Portland, OR: Petersen Publications.
Rice, Dwight. PowerPresentation: Adaptation of the Hawkins’ Pastoral Assessment Model. PACO500. Lynchburg, VA: Liberty University Baptist Seminary.