Park university | Communication Is Life | |

Communication is a process by which information is exchanged by individuals through a common system of symbols, signs and behavior (Merriam-Webster, Inc., 2013). There are many types of communication but the most basic of all is the interpersonal communication. Interpersonal communication occurs between two people and take place within a relationship. It can occur in many ways, but it is a part of daily life. It happens every day and conveys any kinds of messages between two persons involved in an interdependence relationship.
First interpersonal communication meets human needs. From the basic needs to the growth needs, interpersonal communication intervenes to help with their fulfillment through their expression. According the Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, we have five scales of needs which we need to satisfy (Koontz & Weihrich, pp. 290-291). But to satisfy those needs, we need to express them. And we express them through communication, verbal and non-verbal. The first two needs in the Maslow’s hierarchy needs which link to the physical needs are the physiological and safety needs. For instance, a baby crying because he or she is hungry is expressing a physiological need. The third scale of need meet the relational needs. Humans need affectionate relationship. One cannot survive without any relationship such as friendships. Humans are social beings who need society to develop. That’s why we develop intimate relationships through communication. The fourth scale is the esteem need. We need to fill our identity needs. To know who we are and have this feeling of accomplishment and prestige, we have to communicate with others. The very us comes out of how we communicate with people around us. Communication helps to satisfy two other needs which are very important too: the spiritual and the instrumental needs. When we share our values and beliefs through our attitudes and behaviors, we are meeting the spiritual needs. When I go to church every Sunday, I am communicating to others my commitment to my faith. Instrumental needs are those needs we express on a daily basis in our activities. Ordering coffee in a cafeteria or giving my car to wash is some examples of instrumental needs met by communication. Interpersonal communication doesn’t happen by chance. It happens between two interdependent people. I cannot engage in an interpersonal communication with a waitress because except the order, we don’t have any impact on each other. To communicate our needs and to fulfill them, we use multiple channels such as speech, text message, gestures and body movements. When we send a message through these channels, the other person involved in the communication received it and give an immediate feedback about what he perceived of what I’d just sent. As one is sending the message, the receiver sends another message. Communication is not a linear process. It’s rather like a circle which is continually turning. It’s an exchange not a one-way process.
When communicating, we involve a great part of ourselves. We exchange our views, beliefs, or in other words we share and we know who we are through communication. This perception of who we are is known as identity or self-concept, and sharing who we are is self-disclosure. Discovery of our reactions in diverse situations helps us shape the multiple personalities that we could have. It’s like a collection of masks that we have but only communication helps us figure out how we use them. A friend of mine uses to say that an innocent person is someone who has not been put in the situation to commit a crime. Some aspects of our personality are still unknown to us. We could have an erroneous perception of our identity till our reaction gives us information. My brother Joel used to say that he was very empathic and objective; till he figured out that he would never understand women’s reaction. He understood that saying having a theory is very different of applying it to reality. This erroneous perception can be shaped by what people think of us. In this case, it is called reflected appraisal. But the reflected appraisal is not necessarily erroneous. The awareness of our self-concept greatly impact the way we communicate. Someone who knows that he is subject to violent anger would try to overcome it and smile all the time so he doesn’t show this aspect of him. He hides it in order to be integrated in the society. This attitude to shape our behavior and our communication because of our awareness of our identity is the self-monitoring. Self-monitoring is a behavior that we learn. It is often used to be courteous and polite in society. But the self-monitoring presents the risk to engage in a deception attitude when it’s not used properly, because it can be a form of hiding who we really are to others and presenting a false picture of ourselves. Again, the perception intervenes, because the way others interpret our behavior is very subjective.
Perception is the process of making meaning from the things we experience in the environment. While communicating, we give feedback about what we perceived from the other's message. Interpersonal perception is making meaning from the behavior and words of our interlocutor. The way we interpret things is influenced by many factors. And how we perceive things impact greatly on how we communicate. As the interpretation is the step we take before giving an answer, it is logical that the answer is drawn out from our perception. Self-concept is one of the factors affecting our perception. If you have an extraverted personality, you may perceive people who are shy or quiet as being mad or annoyed. If you are an introvert person, you may view an outgoing person as nervous or too excited. These self-biases can lead to wrong perceptions about people. Awareness of personality differences when speaking in interpersonal perception situations is important so you would not jump to wrong conclusions about people. Cultures are another factor influencing perception. People from different cultures have different views and beliefs on life. These differences can cause misunderstandings between people in interpersonal circumstances. For example I’ve noticed that in America, in United States, It’s very common to check emails every day and an email sent is considered as to be received, then it’s totally integrated in the environment. In my country, to send an email is not that high-valued. Then in the first weeks, when the instructors said that they sent an email about the guidelines, I was puzzled. It took me a month to figure out that I should adopt the email habit. Stereotypes are fixed ideas you may have about a whole group of people. It could be an ethnic group, a co-cultural group. In Africa, particularly in my country, White persons were given more consideration because we used to stereotype them as more scholar than us. Then when a white person came in a crowd of Blacks, he was more likely to have all the attention than the others just because he is White. But this stereotype tends to disappear because the globalization has taken over and we’re more informed.
Intercultural communication is one of the most common communication’s types likely to happen. With the globalization of nowadays, it would be a euphemism to say that effective intercultural communication is important. The cultures tend to mix and to meet more than ever. The constant progress in technology is one of the reasons why. Then the cultural differences could lead to conflicts due to misunderstanding about the different views. One of my supervisors in my part-time job is Hawaiian. She is very outgoing and touchy. She is affectionate, teasing and cheerful. But as she is aware that maybe it’s not all the cultures that would be okay with that behaviors. So after I’ve been hired, she called me apart and explained it to me, and so I would not be offended by her if it comes that my culture was not that outgoing. I found that very instructive and kind from her. One thing to communicate effectively with other cultures is to get to know the people from that culture. The more you know the others, the more you know how to behave with them. “If we are to encourage cosmopolitan engagement, moral conversation between people across societies, we must expect such disagreements: after all, they occur within societies (Appiah, 2008).” All the cultures claim their uniqueness. The key would be not to give less value to the other’s culture but to be open-minded and to take advantage of the differences. A world with a single dominant trait would not evolve. Difference is the main ingredient of evolution and progress. The perception must be changed to consider that adopting another groups’ cultural trait is not tantamount to denying of one’s roots. It’s just learning new techniques and values which would be beneficial for his or her culture. Having a common ground with others societies is one step toward great collaboration, communication and interconnection.
Another barrier in communication is the language. Language is the method of human communication, either spoken or written, consisting of the use of words in a structured and conventional way (Oxford University). Language is one of the tools we use to express and exchange our thoughts. The words we use are symbols of concrete, physical things or abstract ideas. This symbolic nature of words gives an opening to all kinds of interpretations. One word can have several meanings depending on the context, the person, the intended meaning, the pronunciation and the language. Language is often specific to countries and to cultures. All English-speaking countries don’t have the same accent while speaking. There are even some words which would make all the difference. For example, Nigerian English has some onomatopoeia which has no significance in American English. “I dey go to my house”, is the same as “I am going to my house”. I had a funny experience with my Asian peers. They have the word “nigger” which literally means “that”. So they use to say it frequently. Each time they were saying that, I was puzzled, wondering what they were talking about. I’ve finally asked them and they burst out in laughs before giving me explanation. That was quite confusing. Just to illustrate how language can be a barrier in communication. As English is not my native language, I have an accent which makes my speech hard to understand for Americans. Also, as the idioms and expressions are not the same from one country to another, the translation could give some weird sentences and situations. In French there’s only one word to express all the shades of love. This verb or single word is “aimer.” When translated en English, it can be “to love” or “to like.” Then this single word can create a lot of confusion if it’s not translated properly. Language is subjective, arbitrary and ambiguous. Another issue that language creates in communication is the abuse. Some words are considered taboo in a society while in others, they are not. Language is a matter of culture and of perception (Knapp & Daly, 2002).
The key to overcome some of these factors impacting our perception and thus our communication would be to place events in their real context. To listen effectively is a big step in improving perception. Listening is the active process of making meaning out of another person’s spoken message (Floyd, 2009). Listening deals with spoken message, thus with verbal communication but also with vocal cues which are non-verbal cues. To be an effective listener, we should minimize both internal and external distractions. There’s a lot of noise intervening in a conversation. To overcome them is an exercise we should practice very often so we could be focused on a conversation without being easily distracted. Another thing is to adjust our listening to the situation. There are three types of listening: Informational, Critical and Empathic. We interchange these three types depending on the situation in which we are. A student listening to a lesson is engaged in informational listening. A person listening to a political speech is engaged in a critical listening while a doctor listening to a patient is involving in an empathic listening. Then we should show that we are listening by our nonverbal communication. Nodding, shaking our head, or raising the eyebrows and making eye contact are examples of attitudes implying interest to the conversation. When listening to a friend with a problem, it’s good to demonstrate empathy. In other words, to show that you understand what he or she is going through. The person doesn’t necessarily want the listener to solve his or her problem. It can be that he or she may want to share how he or she is feeling. In that case, saving advice for another time, unless you’re asked for it is a good habit to adopt. A good listener doesn’t interrupt. He lets the person finish what he is saying before he starts explaining his point of view or ask questions. Closed-mindedness is also a barrier too effective listening. Listening should avoid the influences of stereotypes or physical appearance. To truly listen to someone is tantamount to pay attention to the message contained in the words of someone. It isn’t always easy to listen, especially when we are preoccupied with our own thoughts. Listening can provide a bond of intimacy that deepens our relationship. It provides enrichment of our personal relationships and helps us increase our learning potential.
Language solely is somewhat not enough to express clearly the meaning intended. Language is often, if not always, paired with non-verbal cues. The non-verbal cues encompass many forms. Facial displays, eye behaviors, movement and gestures, touch behaviors, vocal behaviors, smell, space, physical appearance, time and artifacts are some forms of non-verbal cues that we use on daily basis. Non-verbal communication helps us to manage conversations. Our body and especially our face express whether we want to engage in a conversation or not. For instance, someone who is seating quietly, shirred face, arms folded is not really transmitting an appeal to conversation. Some movement or gestures can mislead the interpretation. Because every human is unique in his way to react, non-verbal cues can create communication problems. It’s true that some emotions are universal. As non-verbal cues are used to express emotions, there are some emotions like joy, sadness, anger that cannot be wronged. The dark side is that we can mimic non-verbal expression to influence others or to conceal information. One thing to do to avoid mistakes in interpreting non-verbal behaviors is to be aware of the situation. Again it’s a matter of perception. We should be sure to check the accuracy of our perception before jumping on conclusion and having false impression. To ask for clarification is the best way to fully understand a behavior. Also, culture is one of a matter when it comes to interpreting non-verbal cues. In Italia, men use to kiss on cheeks when they’re greeting each other. In my culture such a behavior should be considered inappropriate. Dramas can easily result from wrong interpretation. So we should be careful of the meaning we’re giving to a facial expression or a body gesture. To be aware of this should not lead us to engage in self-fulfilling prophecy. Self-fulfilling prophecy is an expectation that gives rise to behaviors that cause expectation to come true (Floyd, 2009).
As communication is the exchange of thoughts between individuals, conflicts will always arise. Humans are not the same. Even if some groups of people share the same view about life, it happens that individually, or even small groups within a big group have different opinions on a specific topic. This divergence of views can be made pacifically or in conflict. When the two parts arguing are interdependent then conflicts are surely going to happen. Interpersonal conflict is an expressed struggle between interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce resources and interference. According to Gottman’s researches, there are four behaviors which are problematic when it comes to manage conflict. These are: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness and Stonewalling. When conflict arise it is not helpful to engage in complaints or mockery about the other persons. It’s like putting oil on fire. Either the person will defend himself or he will engage in stonewalling. The different methods to manage or to resolve conflict are all depending on the amount of concern for oneself and for others we have. When we put high concern for ourselves and for others at the same time when managing a conflict is collaborating. Collaboration is kind of a win-win situation. Both of the partners implicated in the conflict win from the solution found. This is a good way to resolve conflict but sometimes, goals are so incompatible that it’s necessary that someone loses unless the conflict is left not resolved. When one is managing conflict with high concern for himself and low concern for the others, this is the competing way of managing conflict. This can be source for others conflicts. As no one likes to be defeated, the frustration of not fulfilling goals is likely to create a conflict in the conflict at long-term. Sometimes it is also essential to privilege one’s interest over the others to avoid being abused. Some persons avoid the conflict. In other words, they have low concern for themselves and for the others. They simply choose to not deal with the conflict. It’s a way to let the conflict being resolved by itself. Unlike the stonewalling which is leaving the conflict, the avoider doesn’t’ even engage in the conflict. Avoidance is good in some circumstances. For instance a conflict is expressed violently, with aggressiveness. In this situation, avoidance can be the best solution. But it can also worsen the situation because some persons don’t like being ignored. Another way to engage in conflict is accommodating. Accommodating is when you have high concern for the others and low concern for yourself. It’s like accepting to lose deliberately and let the other win. Sometimes it’s good to accommodate but if it’s a primary way to manage conflict then the accommodator will be frustrated. And this frustration can be harmful for the relationship because the accommodator would find the relationship dissatisfying. Then the last way to manage conflict is compromising. When compromising, we have moderate concern for ourselves and for others. Both of the partners are winning and losing. It’s according to me the best way of dealing conflict, but one cannot be satisfied with that resolution. Resolution of conflicts depends on the two partners. But there are some conflicts which cannot be resolved. Communication helps us know when a conflict cannot be resolved.
Communication is an all. Communication is a process. It’s something we learn to do and require for us efforts and commitment. We are not born with communication skills so we must learn them and practice them in order to improve our relationship. Because communication helps us being in society and is necessary to build and maintain our relationship, communication is life.

References
Appiah, K. A. (2008). Moral Disagreement. In S. Greene, & A. Lidinsky, From Inquiry to Academic Writing: A Text and Reader (p. 657). Boston: Bedsford/St. Martin's.
Floyd, K. (2009). Interpersonal Communication, The Whole Story. New York: McGraw Hill.
Knapp, L. M., & Daly, J. A. (2002). Handbook of Interpersonal Communication. Retrieved April 23, 2013, from http://books.google.com/books?id=t97fuAcjS-YC&pg=PA213&dq=Language+in+interpersonal+communication&hl=en&sa=X&ei=3E51UeSyE6vy2gX844CQDg&ved=0CDgQ6AEwAQ
Koontz, H., & Weihrich, H. (n.d.). Essentials of Management An International Perspective. (7th). McGraw Hill. Retrieved April 22, 2013, from http://books.google.com/books?id=OSAkMZ3SMQ0C&pg=PA290&dq=maslow's+hierarchy+of+needs&hl=en&sa=X&ei=dUx1UZqQGYa0qgHl8IHYBg&ved=0CC8Q6AEwAA#v=onepage&q&f=false
Merriam-Webster, Inc. (2013). Communication. Retrieved April 8, 2013, from merriam-webster.com: http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/communication
Oxford University. (n.d.). Language. Retrieved April 22, 2013, from Oxforddictionaries.com: http://oxforddictionaries.com/us/definition/american_english/language