Reality, according to the Encarta Dictionary, is defined as “actual being or existence, as opposed to an imaginary, idealized, or false nature.” It is something that I thought I had a good grasp on, that is, until I reviewed my conflict style through multiple sets of eyes. I understand that every conflict style has its pros and cons, and therefore I should not cringe when I see that my husband believes me to be in the Control-Competition category; however, I cannot stop myself from thinking that the words control and competition are appalling and negative. It is especially hard to digest, seeing as how I had myself primarily in the Solution-Orientation category and thought that I fit the Control-Competition category least of all.

I tend to adjust my conflict style according to whom I am dealing with and where the dispute takes place. When dealing with my husband, my preference is to wait and give myself time to think things through. I would rather handle all disputes behind closed doors; that way, if I have things to say to that may cause either party embarrassment or discomfort, it occurs privately, and I can avoid adding extra emotional fuel to the fire. I do not like to be corrected in front of my peers and feel that the emotions my anger and embarrassment create are hard to keep out of the conflict and often get in the way of solving the true issues. Taking time to think things through also allows me to focus on exactly what it is that I am upset about and prepare to have a civil conversation. I have a hard time telling other people my actual thoughts and why I think a certain way. When I do not have time to prepare I am easily flustered in an argument and forget the main issue that needs addressing. Although the rationale behind my style appears logical to me, I have since found that my husband sometimes views that approach as an ambush.