Death of my Sister
November 24, 2012

This is my story of how one single event changed my life forever. This event changed how I express myself on an everyday basis and how I interact with others around me. Sometimes I feel so hurt and broken that I cannot even enjoy my life or my family. This one single event took all innocence away from my nephews and my children. In tragic times you normally see families come together, but this has pushed my family apart. I have lost all faith that the world we live in is good and that we can always rely on someone near us. I have lost all faith in the spirits above us. I am broken now and live in a dark place. How do you help yourself to see the light again? How do you ever enjoy life and move forward? I look back on my life and I wonder if I am being punished for feeling so much joy. I will never forget nor be happy on the Fourth of July again. The Fourth of July is about celebration and independence; little did I know this would be the worse day of my life and destroy who I am forever.
It is hard to keep your health in order when you live in a state that your whole family moves away from and leave’s you and your children alone. My sister Christy lived in California with her three boys: Wyatt (four), Garrett (two) and Leo (five months). She had been dealing with depression and alcoholism for the last few years now and was seeing a doctor, but Christy’s disease was never under control. When the doctor finally figured out the correct doses of medication Christy should take, her drinking would mess everything up once again. Christy was four years older than I, but she looked up to me as if I was her older sister. I felt like I was responsible for her even though I moved away with my family to the east coast. I always felt I should have never left her in California by herself. I would try to convince her to move out with her boys so I could help her out here and get her on her feet. I had this feeling that if I did not convince her to move, that something horrible would happen.
In July, you look forward to hot days and cool nights and the Fourth of July celebration. It is a day to celebrate of your independence and freedom. All you really worry about is whether you have fireworks, hotdogs and soda. You know the dangers that are involved in drinking and wonder why people drink so during the holidays. You never expect anything horrible to happen to your family member or friend. Little did I realize this was the beginning of horrible things happening to my life. I do not think that I will ever be able to enjoy the Fourth of July again. I will never celebrate this day as a happy day.
My father called me on July fourth around 11:48 a.m. It was hard to understand what he was trying to say; it seemed as if he was crying. I thought his dog had passed away but little did I know he was going to tell me the worst news of my life. As I asked my father what is wrong he tells me to sit down. I did not know what could be so bad that I would need to sit down, but I did so anyways. The next few words that came out of his mouth shattered my world and sent me into the deepest depression anyone could have. He said, “Kali, I am sorry I have to tell you this, but the police found your sister’s car in a field wrecked and burned with a body inside”. All I could do was scream “NO! NO! NO!” I had just found out that the body in my sister’s car may be hers. I knew in my heart that it was her, but I prayed as if I never prayed before, that it was not. I called her cell phone repeatedly for the rest of the day. How could this be happening? What did my family do to deserve this? My mental health spiraled out of control. I had no will left inside of me, all I could do was lie in bed and cry. I was not able to care for my family, nor did I have any desire to.
Once I had calm down enough to be able to listen to what happened I would never be the same. I was told that my sister was driving south bound on the road that had a sharp curve to the right. There were two other cars driving north bound on the same road. According to the witnesses, my sister just never made the sharp turn. It had appeared as if she fell asleep at the wheel. She side swiped the first car and since the second car was following so closely she hit them head on. Her front driver wheel crumbled under impact and caused the car to flip onto its side. Then my sister’s car was engulfed in flames. No one had the decency to get out of their car and check on my sister or the other driver in the accident. The firefighters got there within minutes. My sister, as well as the driver from the car she hit head on, was both pronounced dead on the scene. My sister died at 11:15 p.m. on July 3, 2012.
Christy, as well as the other people that were involved, were said to have not had any alcohol or drugs in their system. The other girl that died was Devin, she was 22 years old. Her boyfriend and step sister were also in the car. Her step sister is still in the hospital to this day. They say she is brain dead. Her boyfriend had a broken arm and a few broken ribs. The other two people that were involved were in the first car that was side swiped; they walked away without a scratch on them. They declined any medical attention and refused to go the hospital. I wonder why? Where they drinking? These are questions I will never have the answers to.
When you are looking for an answer that you will never get all it will do is drive you crazy. I ask myself every day, “why did this happen?” My sister was so full of life and had three little boys at home all under the age of five. When you met Christy for the first time, all you remember about her is her big, bright blue eyes, her smile from ear to ear and a laugh that could cheer up the world. My sister had so much going for her, but also had demons that she was fighting. I still do not believe that she fell asleep at the wheel. She had just texted her new boyfriend two minutes prior, that she was on her way to his house. How can someone fall asleep that quickly? I really don’t understand that. I still have so many questions that have not been answered and I am not sure if they will ever be answered.
This event has affected me in so many different ways. My mental health has spiraled out of control. I was placed on a lot of different medications to try to calm me down and let me think and see consciously. I hate to drive now because I catch myself looking at oncoming traffic wondering if these images were the last my sister saw. I wonder what it would feel like to drive into that person head on. I do this while I am driving and I am afraid that one day I may not snap out of that horrible day dream. How can I drive safely with my children in the car if I cannot even concentrate on driving? And how do I really believe that my sister will save us from an accident if I decide to swerve into a car just to see what will happen? I am scared to trust myself. Now find that I make everyone tell me when they are leaving just in case something happens while they are out.
My fiancé thinks that it is a waste of time to have to say good bye to everyone, even when he just leaves the house to go up the road. I feel this is a way to make sure you always have a chance to say goodbye. You never know what will happen to you while you are out; a tree branch may fall from the tree and hit you while you walk down the road. You never know, so why push your luck? I am sure my sister never thought that her last night would be the last time she would ever see her babies. I bet you the last kiss and hug she gave her boys, she never even thought twice about. She probably did not consider holding them a little while longer because tonight she was going to die. You know the quote ‘’only the good die young’’ Why is this true? And who really started it.
I find that when I go to the store, I cannot stand to see people happy. I want to rip their faces off and make them feel how I feel. I want everyone to know the pain that I feel, and I want them to understand that life is cruel and unfair. I want to be able to care for my kids again, but I have no patience anymore. I wish I could feel better and do the things I once loved. I know everyone says that only time will heal, but have they ever lost their only sister? Do they even know the pain you are in? My aunt tells me that when I feel like I can no longer go on, to tie a knot at the end of my rope and try to just climb a little higher and just keep doing this until I no longer need to tie a knot at the end of my rope.
My sister was only 31 years old when she passed away in a car accident, only 31. She left her three boys all of whom are under the age of five. She left me in a world of hurt and confusion. I try to never take my world for granted anymore. I try to never use God’s name in vain, but I also have no faith in God anymore. I hope one day this will change, but can you really blame me? He took the only sister I had from me, my best friend, and my partner in crime, my family, my nephews, my children aunt and my life. How is one supposed to rebuild their life with one less person in it? I do not want to have to think that my sister is no longer in our lives.
The Fourth of July is about celebration and independence; but on this day my life changed forever. This is the day that I found out I had lost my sister Christy in a horrible car accident. She was only 31 years old on this day and she left three little boys behind. On this horrible day in July two young people lost their lives in a horrible way. I know that both our families will be hurt for the rest of our time here on earth, but like I have learned you will never be able to stop asking yourself why? I do not know how it feels to lose a daughter however; I do know the pain of losing a sister. Your one and only sister becomes your best friend as you both grow up together. My nephews will never get to know their mother and my children will never get to know their auntie. July 3, 2012 was the start of my new horrible life without my sister. This is the start of my healing process to try and get my life back.