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Difficult People

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Difficult People
Marvin D. Cofield
Jack Welch Management Institute
Professor Ardith Bowman
JWI 505 Business Communication
10 Feb 2013

Difficult People My topic of choice is on “How to deal with difficult people and their decisions even when they are your boss?” The reason I chose this topic is because I’m quite sure I’m not the only one that has had to deal with someone in upper management that is stubborn and difficult to deal with and the decisions that they make just make no sense whatsoever. This paper follows Munter’s Tell/Sell style of presentation (Munter, Ch 5 pp.86). I will attempt to capture the attention of the audience and show how the topic relates to them. The mental and emotional connection is the level of stress and anxiety most people get from being in the position and how to deal with it. The stress of not being to state the issues to the boss for fear of reprisal. I think this should be an interesting topic to speak on and share my experiences and results. Even if some haven't had the misfortune of ever being in that position, I'm sure just hearing what others have to say on the topic will be beneficial in some way.
We have all been there at some point in our lives at one time or another and if you haven’t, consider yourself blessed and very fortunate. Dealing with difficult people. Even if you haven’t been on the job for a real long time, it is very unusual to have not found someone in the workforce that you can consider difficult to deal with. They may be your bosses, co-workers, employees or whomever. Before a situation on the job reaches that boiling point to where it explodes into violence, there obviously has been build up for a long time. That stew is chocked full of conflicts, miscommunications, escalations and disagreements. This presentation will help explain how individuals can hopefully prevent a situation from reaching DEFCON 1 through better communication strategies.
First off let’s define what is meant by a difficult person. Difficult people fit into any of the following descriptions: * Someone most likely not going to listen * Someone who acts very unreasonably * Someone needing a lot of attention just to maintain a working relationship * Someone that won’t come through with what they said they would, or that which is required of them * Someone that has difficulty with following directions or taking directions * Someone that is chronically negative about anything and everything * Someone that doesn’t work well with others even though the need to do so may be present
One thing to remember is that you are NOT alone. Mo matter your position or level of authority, difficult people exist at all levels of all organizations.
The main focus of the presentation is to give some tips that may help and assist you when trying to deal more effectively with your difficult stressor. Through Munter’s readings, I try to incorporate strong transitions between the sections, keep the interest high, added some humor, and use an effective closing (Munter Ch. 4-6). These tips are not the cure-all end-all for every difficult person out there, since there are way too many variations of difficult people, but it should help in the conditioning and training towards successfully addressing and resolving your pain in the neck.
What is the Problem?
The first step in addressing your pain in the neck is identifying exactly what is the problem. You have to ask yourself: Why am I having such a problem with this guy/lady? What are they doing or not doing which is causing me so much grief? You need to get to the root cause as to why they are behaving like they are. Once the objective, requirement, issue or behavior is identified, then you have completed the first step to wedded bliss.
Focusing on the Problem This next step may be difficult, but you have to take the time to try and separate the problem from the person. One may ask, “How is that done when the person is the problem?” You can’t separate the person from the problem! Well, that’s not true and if you believe that as well then you won’t be able to deal effectively with your pain in the neck.
The main issue is that for many times, issues that have been getting on our nerves about other people have been getting on our nerves for a very long time. That occurs because we didn’t deal with the problem at the appropriate time. When that happens, we get real upset with a person and start to lose our perspective and or objectivity.
So just in case you find yourself in that place at any time, you may want check out your own perspective in regards to this person. Let’s test how objective you are by asking yourself these questions: * Do I look for reasons as to why this person is such a pain in the neck? * Do I enjoy describing this person’s faults and inadequacies to other people? * Do I find it difficult to find any good at all in this person, in anything they do?
There are more statements of course, but if any of these are true, then you are in jeopardy of losing your perspective and objectivity when dealing with this person and or the issue at hand. Before going further, I would suggest finding someone that you trust implicitly and have confidence in that can help you confirm that you have truly identified the problem and have successfully separated it from the other “baggage” or any additional unnecessary issues that may be around but won’t help you resolve the main issue.
Yeah Ok, I’ve found the Problem – Now what? You ever hear the joke where there are these two dogs chasing a car. One dog chomps down on the bumper of the car and holds on. The driver sees the dog and stops the car. The other dog comes up to the dog chomping on the bumper and asks, “Ok, now that you caught it, what are we going to do with it?” I ask you the same question. Now that the problem has been identified, how are you going to deal with it? (Munter Ch.5 pp.87)
Be careful! There are some things to consider before you go and speak to the pain. Before taking that plunge, you should determine if the following conditions are present: * Are you going to be in any danger by speaking to this person? * Is the problem one in which a work policy or even a law has been broken and or violated?
If either of these conditions is true, make sure to have the proper authorities around when dealing with those sorts of issues. These are not the type of issues that you need to handle by yourself. This may be something to work out with the company human resource department, or in some cases it may need to be handled by a legal professional.
What about this person’s position in the company – does it matter?
Hell yeah it matters! Whether you like it or not, be it a boss or a co-worker, you need to figure out how that person’s position in the organization may affect your talk with him/her.
For example, if you are about to confront the boss, you have to consider how you will present the issue to him/her as opposed to how you would present the issue to a co-worker. When it is a co-worker, you have to decide if you should just bring it up directly, or should you have a talk with the boss about it first. A way to decide when to bring a boss on board with the issue is when the pain in the neck’s work performance and or behavior is at the same level as garbage and it’s stinking up you or the whole team, then you probably want the boss to know what’s up. It’s not an easy decision to make, but it has to be made.
If you’re feeling nervous about how to move forward, consult with someone that has more experience for some advice. That’s where the human resources dept. or a union representative may come in handy.
Now it’s Time to Talk
Well, the big moment has arrived! Time to shake out those butterflies, empty out the bladder, and say a prayer. The pain in the neck’s position may have an effect on your level of comfort when bringing up the issue, but the fact of the matter is that in order to get to first base when resolving this issue you’re going to have to face up and confront it in some form or fashion regardless.
If what you have learned so far is helping you and you feel that you are ready to speak to the person directly without soiling yourself, then I believe it is time to give you a step by step approach which may help you: * First off, always have the talk with the pain in the neck in private. * Let them know that you have an issue that concerns you. Lay it all out to them as objectively as you can, and explain why and it affects you. You want to get the take on the issue so ask them if they understand what you’ve just described to them and why it bothers you. If they don’t, then explain it all over to them in a way that they may understand. Sometimes you may have to resort to crayons and coloring books to get your point across. Hopefully not though! When and if they do understand your issue – move on to step # 2. * Tell them that you have a solution to help fix the situation. You should ask them for their opinion on how to resolve the problem, and then suggest a few of your own ideas as well. I would write down all of their ideas as you guys as speaking so you can keep the details straight. Then, pick one or two of the ideas that you came up with and suggest that you establish a follow up talk on a specific date to see if any progress has been made in resolving the issue. The last part is the most important step in the process. People usually don’t do a follow-up and without it, there is no clear confirmation that the process has worked to the best potential that it may possibly have.
Summation
Now, like I’ve stated in the beginning, there isn’t a single step or solution that can fix or resolve every issue. Each issue or problem has its own set of circumstances which are all different from each other so each has its own set of resolutions and approaches. The great things about the steps I’ve laid out have been effective in resolving a number of issues that I personally had to deal with. I hope that perhaps these steps will come in handy for you when dealing with your own personal pain in the neck and that when applied correctly, the outcome is a positive one!

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