Divorce has become the norm in American society, but what has not become the norm are the effects that it has on children. Divorce impacts all individuals connected to the relationship but children are effected the most. Because of their innocence and immaturity they are not able to cope with the stressful events and aftermath of divorce like adults are able to. No one knows exactly how a child will react to divorce but more than not their behavior can be characterized as explosive and sporadic.
The purpose of this research paper is to provide credible information on the effects that divorce has on children and the impact that it makes on their overall outlook on life before and after the divorce occurred. It will also highlight the stress that comes along with the relationship between parent and child as well as some insight on common practices used to help the children cope with the overall impact of divorce. Last but not least I will be adding some insight from my own personal experience about the effects of divorce.
The demise or end of marriage has various and lasting effects on everyone connected to the couple going through that situation. Along with that comes a huge amount of stress, ill willed feelings, confusion, emptiness, and a plethora of other things that I would need three more pages to list. Children are the most vulnerable to the effects of these things. With their simple mind set and understanding of things, the concept of daddy and mommy not living together alone is enough to cause a child to go into some form of shock. Let alone the feelings they had before the marriage ended, who knows what they were subjected to on a daily basis.
Divorce is ugly and we as adults don’t always tend to keep kids in mind in the heat of an argument. Unable to understand these complex situations children tend to choose alternative ways to express their pain and outrage. The fact of the matter remains that divorce will stay with a child nearly all their lives, I can attest to this because my parents divorced when I was only three years old and it still has a major effect on my life. When we can all come together and understand the gravity of the effects that divorce has on children, then we will be more motivated to make a relationship work for the sake of children.
I would now like to back up my above statements with some of the hard hitting facts that I have found through research. The first bit of information that I would like to cite from comes from the website www.children-and-divorce.com. In the website I found a very interesting article on the effects that divorce has on children by an author named Reinier Bloem. One of the biggest points that stuck out to me in the article is this follow piece of information. “There is a correlation found between children of divorce and social skills. Experts suggest children of divorce have more difficulties trusting other people unconditionally. They tend to have less social contacts. Especially young children tend to cut social relationships after the divorce. Later in life, this can result in having difficulties building intimate relationships” (Reinier Bloem). I felt like the above statement alone pretty much sums up the point that I am trying to make. That divorce has a tremendous effect on the social behavior of a child all the way into adulthood. What I also liked about the article is that the author gave a suggestion on how to help your kid or children cope and it is simple but genius the author says to simply “Stimulate your child to participate in all kinds of events to stay socially involved” (Reinier Bloem). I know what you are thinking, that doesn’t seem like much and also as something that is easier said than done. You are right on both counts but the truth is always in the eye of the beholder and this step is something that I can attest to. As I have mentioned before earlier on I to have felt the pains of divorce and something that helped me to cope with the issues was my mother always keeping me active in some type of event rather it be sports or karate. It helped my mind to focus on something else and not shy away from other people but instead embrace their friendship and companionship.
I am now going to talk about some of the long term effects that divorce has on children to help me do so I will be citing information that I found from the following website www.csnu.edu. The article that I found at this website is entitled Child Development Critical Issue Group Research Paper and it was written by the following authors: Joseph Arreola; Yvette Hartounian; Ashley Kurges; Paula Maultasch; Lauren Retana. Here is what they had to say about the long term effects of divorce on children “The Long-term effects of divorce in young children can range from very mild insecurities to enormous disturbances. Every child’s is unique in its own way. The factors are numerous, whether it is their parents, environment, schooling, siblings, extended family, and etc. All these factors have an impact on how a child will be affected by a divorce. The parents may be able to produce a good transition, or the teacher may recognize the problem at home and make sure the child does not fall in school, or the extended family could be the support for the children in their time of need. No matter what the influences there are many people that believe that there are certain affects that cannot be avoided.” (Child Development Critical Research Paper)
I can hold this statement to be true from a personal stand point but I will argue that not everyone is in complete agreement with it. Some will argue that they have not been affected by divorce in the least bit and some will even say that it made them a better person. While others will argue that those same persons making those claims are only saying those things because it in itself is a cry for help. That being said this issue will never be in black and white but more some the mushy gray area that we as humans tend to find ourselves stuck in from time to time. The path out of the gray area you can argue makes the person or individual better. The question still remains will it be for better or for worse.
To help answer this question I had to do more research as well as look back on my own experiences with divorce and try and paint the biggest and brightest picture. My research eventually led me to an article entitled “The Effect of Divorce on Children: What Makes a Difference” by Nithyakala Karuppaswamy with Judith A. Myers-Walls, Ph.D., CFLE. Their answer to the question is in my opinion neutral they believe that “Divorce can have both positive and negative results. For some children, the parents’ divorce can be a disaster. It might be negative for the child both now and later. Other children may grow from the experience. They may become more mature, sensitive, and responsible”. (Nithyakala Karuppaswamy w/Judith A. Myers-Walls, Ph.D., CLFE.).
As I have said before in my opinion I believe that the above statement comes off as neutral but isn’t that middle. Isn’t the middle of black and white grey? Interesting isn’t it, I would say so and that is why it is my humble opinion that the middle is where about 95 percent of those individuals who went through a divorce at an early age stand. I myself believe I am in the middle, that time period in my life as much as I can remember was not only confusing but at times for me embarrassing. I say this because when I would go to school and hear other kids talk about things they did with their dad or even both parents and they would in return ask me how come I never seen your dad or why does your mom always pick you up I would feel shamed and thus crawl back into my own little shell. It wasn’t until later in life that I began to realize that it takes too much energy to constantly feel sorry for yourself and it’s not going to change a damn thing pardon my French but it really is not. Once I realized that I figured out that yes divorce is ugly and painful as well as a few other things that I would not feel right writing in this paper, but it is also something that can make you a better person if you choose to realize that at the end of the day SHIT happens.
So in conclusion I would say that divorce definitely has an effect on a child’s social development and behavior but as far as the outlook goes I am still undecided. I say this because an outlook is based on someone’s own perception of life and the things and people around them so who is to say that divorce will completely change a child’s outlook. What I can say is that it made me look at things in a different light if you will and I definitely think it made me not only a better person but a better father and husband as well. I would like to end it this paper with one of my all-time favorite quotes from one of my favorite movies “life is like a box of chocolates you never know what you are going to get” (Tom Hanks).