In George Orwell’s essay, “Politics and the English Language,”, he argues that the majority of political language and writing lack clarity, precision and purpose. According to him, the inability to write clearly has been a roadblock in the political process. Orwell summarizes that one must think and write clearly in order to communicate; once we communicate clearly, we can create political change. (note: Your interpretation is one way to interpret Orwell’s message. I also think that he is dissecting the Political language so people can recognize the faults and lies presented by writers/politicians. The general public may think they are excellent writers and are speaking/writing the truth. But in reality, Orwell is exposing the common rhetorical devices horrible writers manipulate to their advantage.) In human experience ,As Orwell clearly expresses, words are the most powerful vehicle for communication, as Orwell clearly expresses. Words call the unknown into action and create results that otherwise would have ceased to occur. For example, according to Christian faith, God called light “Day” and darkness “Night” in the story of Genesis. Behind words such as these, stem the thoughts that drive the cause. Orwell’s backing for this essay was clearly driven by the thought that there exists a decline in the language of political expression. The writing samples selected in Orwell’s essay, lack purpose and clarity, which initiate confusion for the reader, warranting little reason for a reader to act on the message or continue the conversation. In spite of the topic or idea, the pressing issue is that language and writing must be clear and concise to merit a powerful response. Taking calculated steps to carefully construct a piece of writing will produce results that can intentionally motivate change. (I see what you’re trying to convey here; however, if your commentary is about politics and change, I don’t see an immediate connection to the example (the bible). You may want to use a political example i.e. Hitler using words to motivate, MLK, etc. (You need a transitional sentence and or phrase here) One way to measure the effects of clear and intentional language can be explored by examining the results of distinct and calculated communication in politics. Those who have influenced changed in history conveyed their view with a precise message. For example, Dr. Martin Luther King Junior. clearly laid down (diction sounds too casual) his vision for racial integration for the future in his, “I Have aA Dream” speech. Not only was his speech attended by the masses intended to change the social climate of his time, but also it weaved itself into today’s education and today’s political culture. Whether MLK Dr. King was morally right or wrong, the communication of his vision instigated (try to use the word catalyst instead) a political movement that affected historychanged the future. Transparent language, if at all, provides the opportunity for others to understand the message and allow one (beware of your consistency. You start the sentence of plural then you end it with a singular) to take a stand. The “prestige” (I’m not a big fan of using “” unless you are quoting/citing something.)of academics and politics may cause writers to overthink their ideas in order to sound intelligent and affable (I would change affable to trustworthy/reliable/dependable). Relying on phrases, jargon, and slogans only compensates for lack of original thought, and quality, and effort. The impact of using ready-made (not feeling ready-made)language results in misunderstanding and poor communication. Thus, vague understandings lead to a lack of productivity, advancement, and contribution to knowledge. (provide an example of someone in political power committing this act. It will make this paragraph stronger.) (missing transition) In college, wise professors will hand out a distribute carefully written syllabus, designed to set the class expectations, standards, and goals. A strong syllabus is a prime example of the importance of clear communication. A teacher must relay how students’ performance will be measured if he or she wishes for their class to succeed. It would be unjust to give a failing grade to a student without setting them up to win with a clear syllabus. (transition missing)Successful businesses are often the ones that have strong on- boarding and training programs for their employees. Constant communication, development, and feedback between management and subordinates foster further employee growth and contribution (growth and contribution is a bit vague. Growth/contribution for themselves or for the business?). If employees are left floating on their own, without coaching, training, and regular meetings, it is easy to become complacent, uninterested, and overall, unproductive. You need another example here. Research a business that has a successful training program. (transition needed) Sharp language (I’ve never heard of the term sharp language. I’ve heard of sharp tongue if someone is being a smart ass) outside of the academic and professional field can be used as a form of entertainment. America thrives on entertainment and immerses itself in this category possibly more than any other subject (according to whom? You? A source?). Intelligent and well-constructed language easily becomes a game of storytelling. The messenger with a strong wit, personality, and tong (unfamiliar with this word) for sharp punches will always maintain an audience. The scripts featured on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart entertain the masses and never cease to evoke smart laughter from viewers. Many people (like whom? Republicans? Democrats? The educated audience? Minorities?) rely on The Daily Show for their political news. In the span of a few seconds, Jon Stewart re-caps the news through the use of satire and comedy. Despite being accredited as a comedy show, The Daily Show has been nominated for news and journalism awards, and the program won an Emmy Award in 2001 (for what? Best news program? Comedy program?). It is probable that more Americans are familiar with Jon Stewart than the candidates who ran for the last presidential election. (Not exactly. It depends on your audience.) (transition needed) Stephen Colbert, who initially worked with Jon Stewart, later set off to lead his own television show, The Colbert Report. Much like The Daily Show, The Colbert Report delivers parody satirical news reports. Colbert’s’ verbal presentation, like John Stewarts’, also informs and entertains in a way that is quick and clear to understand. And??? Relate this back to Orwell’s essay. Today, entertainment and comedy showsws of the like, have become the medium for the masses to gain access to political news. (This sounds like it should’ve been your intro to your Colbert and Steward example. I think you should somehow combine the three paragraphs. If you leave it separate, it sounds a bit repetitive) Most of America falls into the middle and underclass. The concerns and worldview of the country revolve around survival. The average citizens must work eight to twelve hours a day to pay their bills, loans, mortgages, rent, childcare, health care and more. Time has become the new currency. If a message, like George Orwell’s essay of topic(awkward), takes over an hour to dissect and understand, the desire to conquer such a time consuming task decreases when The Daily Show, for example, provides entertaining and clear political information that is clear and accessible. (I prefer that you don’t use the George Orwell essay as your example. Since you’re talking about easily accessible news, use an example that requires people to be more assertive (i.e. reading Washington Post/a political magazine/reading actual voting pamphlets).Simple ideas often become complicated in language because humans naturally want to be accepted. Our egos tell us that complicating language makes us look good, when in reality; it creates a bottleneck for the growth of knowledge. I don’t see how these lines support your above examples. Commentary should always directly address your examples/citations. Also, you directly addressed yourself and the audience in these lines. It makes the paper sound informal. (transition needed) The saying that “bBrevity is a virtue,” speaks to all industries. If a first impression takes less than three seconds, our words must reflect this natural instinct. It is better to nurture the development of a project versusvs. rushing through and missing details that would otherwise contribute to the end product being of higher significance and use. (I’m not sure what the main focus of this paragraph is. The first three sentences are pretty vague and I don’t see a seamless connection with the above sentences to your mathematicians. Mathematicians have worked for centuries to take an abstract concept and the abstract, simplify it, and then bring it to an understandable language such as mathematics (wordy)that can be used by people to improve their lives in different directions. Examples are building houses, contributing to medicine, global economics, and the social aspect of life (incomplete sentence). Recently, Grigori Perelman proved Poincares (quickly define)conjecture that was posed in 1904. By proving this theorem, Profesor Perelman has opened new doors to the future of mathematics, astrophysics, and other sciences. One of the most intriguing and beautiful new tools that this conjecture has provided, is that ability astrophysics to define the shape of the universe (awkward sentence). Chuck…please clean up this paragraph. It is very hard to follow and understand. Once again, I’m not sure what the main idea is for this paragraph. You may want to change the beginning sentences of this paragraph.

(transition needed)The designer, Coco Chanel, created the idea of modern fashion and sportswear for women. She essentially simplified clothing designs for women; and to this day, remains one of the most famous and sought out female designers. lines for women. In sum, thoughts of artists and thinkers lead to language and language leads to actions. This paragraph is not strong enough to stand on its own. I feel that you need more commentary. I don’t see how CoCo Chanel fits into your argument. She is a fashion designer, not a writer. Please explain. Orwell contends that “foolish thoughts”, which lead to poor quality of work, can be reversed. It would take a high level of openness, self-awareness, determination, and egoless behavior to overcome habits that produce unnecessary words and actions. Some might call these people “smart” or privileged, when in reality; intelligence is self-made. Just as leaders are made vs. born, intelligence, which drives the world’s contribution to growth and knowledge, stems from the pure determination of individuals to achieve something larger than oneself (wordy sentence). The first settlers who arrived in the America, who formed the foundation for the worlds’ fastest growing country were not the earths’ elite. They simply carried the determination to create a new life for themselves. When a group of people or individual clearly puts their thoughts out into the universe, in a way that can easily and swiftly be absorbed, the law of attraction takes care of itself and results start to trickle in. I think you need to redraft another conclusion paragraph. It lacks closure, and it needs to clearly address the issues conveyed in the essay.