Although 5% may not seem like a lot, it’s a big number when you take that much out of the world’s population. That is around 350,000,000 people that walk the face of the earth and chances are you have something in common with them. What is this feature I’m talking about? Good looks? Lots of money? No. I’m talking about the magical experience of flying on an airplane. You can just sit back, watch a movie, listen to music, or catch a few Zzs and forget all about your troubles waiting for you when you get back to the ground. Pretty relaxing right? Not if the person next to you is being a compete vexation. In other words, is just ticking you off! Has it ever happened that you were trying to doze off in to comfort land and an old man is drooling on you or a spoiled brat is kicking the back of your seat? Well, keep reading to find out ways you can get in on this action and annoy other people anywhere on your next flight.
Let’s start off start off our lesson with the start of your trip. Ah yes, the airport. Depending on how old you are, this may be a time of last minute panic or a boring waiting period where the best thing to do is to lean against your parents. Regardless of that, there are things you can do to make other people feel as uncomfortable and agitated as you. For example, try packing one suitcase and one carry-on luggage with the suitcase completely filled to exceed the maximum weight and the carry-on almost empty. That way, when you are finally at the check-in and there is a huge line behind you, you can take as long as you want unpacking the suitcase and slowly filing the carry-on luggage with the excess weight from the suitcase. Slowly take out items from the suitcase and put it into the carry-on and after every few items ask them to check the weight. This will definitely get people moaning and groaning and more frustrated. It’s a waste of everyone’s energy except your own because you’re prepared and done with waiting. Now that the first part of the trip is over, let’s focus on the midair period of your travel. During the flight there are many things you can do to tick off people around you, however your actions must be discrete and not of major proportions. Because you don’t want to get arrested (you know how airplane security is nowadays) you need to imagine ways of bothering people that doesn’t cause a lot of attention and is effective. One way to peeve other people is by taking a long time in the washroom. Beat the line and then take all the time in the world. You can try making paper boats with the towels, reading a newspaper, or scheming of other ways to annoy people, just as long as its time consuming. If people actually need to go, the feeling that you have to wait can be terrible, not to mention the line forming in front of the washroom blocking the path. This is a very safe way to tick people off because for all they know you could actually have some issues with your bowel movements at that time and therefore they can’t really get mad at you. The other thing you can do on a plane, however this time in your seat is constantly call the flight attendant or complain about the service. Try frequently calling the stewardess for a new drink, information on the flight, bad food, etc. Not only will this annoy the stewardess, other people who may actually need the stewardess for something will have to wait and, if your in the center seat, will get annoyed of all the food being passed over them or all the talking going on. Finally, I’ll tell you an easy way to bug people at night. There is usually a light you can turn on above your head which you can use for reading, however this light also hits some of the people around you. When the person next to you is trying to sleep, turning on this harsh light is quite peeving. Once you think that people have had enough of you, you can sit back and watch a movie and relax because once you’re done people would be too tired to try to annoy you. Just remember, sometimes it’s the little things that make all the difference. Finally, your trip is coming to an end along with this lesson. By now your plane should have landed and you are on your way to getting out of there. Although we’re close to finishing, there are still a number of things you can do to make peoples’ trips end as exasperating as they began. This area vastly depends on how the airport looks like and therefore you may have to put your brain to use however I can give you some tips. I can imagine that you and the rest of the people on the flight are pretty sick of the plane and just want to go home as fast as you can. Therefore I suggest doing things slowly so people have to wait for you. For example, when exiting the aircraft and walking through the long tube connected to the terminal try walking very leisurely and taking up as much space as possible. As you know the tube is very narrow so walking lethargically can add extra suffering to their trip. Along with that, you can take a while checking your suitcase or talking at the security checkpoint. As long as other people are being stalled after such a long travel because of you, you’re are doing a good job. At last you have survived your journey and finished the guide! You now know every way to drive others up the wall and have fun on your next flight. From the ground to 35,000 feet in the sky to anywhere in between you are ready to creep under the skin of the many already agitated civilians that surround you. Now, instead of being the victim of someone else’s ignorance you can become the annoyer and turn your frown upside down. So bring out your pestering side and make other people feel the way you wouldn’t want to on your next flight!