Completing the Life Styles Inventory (LSI) survey has taught me so much about myself. Some things I already knew and some things actually came as a surprise, which makes me want to reevaluate my life. On the Life Styles Inventory survey, I scored extremely high, in fact in the 99th percentile on the “Avoidance”, “Oppositional”, and “Power” styles of life.
Based on the explanations, I would have to agree with them all. Starting with avoidance, as far back as I could remember, I have always been the type to take minimal risks and remove myself from threatening situations. I have a shield up which I feel prevents others from seeing the real me and I use that shield as a defense mechanism to avoid disappointment, hurt and unrealistic expectations from others. Avoidance can be good or bad to some extinct. I say it is bad because I avoid more situations than I actually face. I am afraid of the unknown so it is easy for me to “not open Pandora’s box” while others are risk takers and take chances; I could be missing out on something great. I have a great respect for those that take risk, they are not afraid to fail because at least they can say they tried. That could ultimately mean, the more risk, the better chances someone would have at a good outcome because they are essentially learning from trial and error.
As with my oppositional trait, this one makes me rethink some of the things that I do because I do in fact, place a lot of emphasis on minor flaws which in a way ties into avoidance. If I can find something wrong with someone or something, that essentially means I have found an excuse to simply avoid it all together. Even in my personal life as it relates to dating, I look for flaws in others, so I criticize and eventually push them away because I am afraid to love again.
Last, Power which fits me perfectly. I have to be the one in charge and yes, I equate self-worth with be able to control others. I feel this trait will be my downfall because it prevents me from taking direction even in the workplace. I try to take on a manager role when I am just a subordinate which creates a lot of tension because my boss and I because I am constantly going back and forth with him regarding what is feasible for the team.
Avoidance, Oppositional and Power all play a significant part in my life which shows I need a sense of security at all times. My behavior acts as a blanket that shields me from the rest of the world in a sense. As long as I can scare people with my aggressiveness, that will prevent them from wanting to get close to me but again this has really made me reevaluate my way of thinking because I do not see things working out in my personal or work life if I keep it up; it is time for a change.
My back up personal thinking style is “Competitive”. This style is accurate as it relates to my work life and it also ties in with power. I definitely view everything as a contest and most of my competitive spirit has derived from working in competitive environments. Majority of my career has been in a call center environment where you measure yourself against others and have to meet goals to remain employed. Outside of work, I do not feel the need to compete with anyone because I know who I am as a person and where I stand in every aspect of my life. I do not feel the need to compete with anyone in my personal life because that creates a lot of problems because you will never be able to keep up. Personal life goals differs greatly from work life goals because with work life goals there is a limit with set metrics whereas with life goals, those are endless, so why compete, just focus on you as a person because there will always be someone with more than you.
If I was a manger my personal styles would definitely cause me to clash with my employees and be a recipe for bad leadership. “Bad leadership is characterized by attempting to control employees through orders, policies, rules, goals, targets, reports, visions, bureaucracy, and changes all designed to almost force employees to work and to create and deliver what management considers to be satisfactory products and services.” “In this mode, management on its own decides what to do, when to do it, and how to do it and listens only perfunctorily, if they listen at all, to what employees have to say.”A manager’s primary role is to provide leadership to those under him/her. Avoidance would prevent me from doing that effectively. Most good managers would “stick their neck out” for their employees and would be able to address those higher up when their employees have concerns, suggestions and/or complaints. However, with this style and knowing my character, I would be afraid and opt to play it safe. I do not want to come under fire as a manager from my bosses while trying to protect an employee. Even when it comes down to organizing and implementing, I would not do well because of my oppositional style. I would be too picky and too focused on flaws which would not be a good thing in a managerial role because no one is perfect; there is always room for improvement. Knowing that I want everyone to be perfect, unrealistic goals would then come into play, along with the blaming of my employees for my mistakes when those goals are not met. When it comes down to leading, having power would not work because I would treat my team as a dictatorship and not a partnership. I would have to allow everyone to add their opinion but by me being as strong willed as I am, I will try to run everything. My overall effectiveness as a manager would simply not be there, and in return, it would create an intense environment for employees. I do not see anyone being able to work under those conditions, not even myself.
My personal styles were developed from my relationships including those with friends, family and partners. From early on, as far as I can recall, I was considered the “black sheep” of the family. I always felt as if I was different, and people treated me different so I chose to isolate myself from those around me. While my siblings failed in school, I excelled but yet I was still treated unjust by my parents. That is when avoidance began to play a role because I felt as if I had to shield myself from those around me even those close to me because they meant me no good. From then on I felt the need to protect myself and set up a barrier, I wanted no one to cross. As I got older, I gained friends, who then betrayed me in every way possible. So that wall that I built as a child growing up only became taller, because I kept building the more I was hurt. Then I met what I thought to be the love of my life, spent a decade of my life with someone who did nothing but caused me pain. Eventually the wall I built, got so tall until it shielded me from the rest of the world. I then found that the more I avoid people, the less I would have to deal with them and/or face them. The oppositional style now allows me to choose who I want to come in and out of my life. I can now criticize and point out flaws in others, so if they pass the test, they may be able to get a glimpse over the wall I built and into my world. As an adult, power came into play, now I feel strategic. I can now control others and make them believe I am this aggressive person to prevent them from treating me less than what I am since that is what I allowed in my past.
In closing, I definitely learned a lot more about myself and to me it became a free therapy section because I had to actually go back and think about things that I felt developed my personal styles. As a result, I plan to do a lot of things differently as it relates to trusting and being open to change. No longer will I equate self-worth with the controlling of others, no longer will there be a fear to commit and no longer will there be a need to blame others for my mistakes. My intelligence will be measured by my willingness and ability to change.