The Most Important Paper There is one thing that all people have in common: the need to empty their bowels. This process is a very personal matter for many people; most prefer to use the lavatory in the comfort of their own homes, but this is not always possible. People expect a sanitary, comfortable environment in which to use the restroom. They want to have interesting magazines at their disposal, a plunger nearby, anti-bacterial soap, and a fragrant aerosol spray. People could survive without these things; however, what they cannot live without is toilet paper. When latrine users walk into a restroom, sit on the loo, do their business, and realize there is no toilet paper, panic begins. Their worst nightmare has just become a reality. If they are lucky, someone will be in the next stall and lend them some toilet paper. If no one is around, they will have to compensate by using Kleenex or a paper towel, if it can be located. If none of these can be found, they will just have to drip dry or zip up their pants and find the nearest bathroom where they can finish the job. This is an outrage! This problem occurs everywhere across the globe, and it needs to be eliminated. Lack of toilet paper should be considered a criminal offense as it can cause infection and disease. In addition, it can affect a person’s social life because the smell is unbearable and no one will want to be around them. Furthermore, it may lead to severe anger problems when people take out their ‘lack of toilet paper’ frustrations on other people or themselves. The absence of toilet paper is a health hazard and is dangerous to the world’s population. The most important reason why this horrendous crime must be put to an end is that it causes disease and infection. This is especially pertinent to defecators. If they do not wipe their rectums after expelling feces, it will lead to a never-ending downward spiral of health problems and medical bills. The first thing that will go wrong is that the “restroom-philes” will experience a revolting feeling while pulling up their pants. Their underwear will stick to any feces still present on their anuses. Upon sitting there for some time, it will begin to irritate the skin. Cells on the first few layers of the skin will slough off and leave a diaper rash, causing the person to be unable to sit and making it difficult to walk. For females, if they do not wipe after urinating, it will result in a urinary tract infection. Since urine is also acidic, it will leave a rash on the skin if left there. The underwear will also be uncomfortable to wear all day because the moisture will seep through. Another problem that results from a deficiency of toilet paper is foul odor, which will lead to a lack of friends. If restroom users are unable to wipe themselves for a long period of time, they will develop a repugnant smell that will linger on their bodies. After a while, if they are unable to clean themselves properly, they may become used to their own stench and unaware that they have an odor. If their friends are too embarrassed to tell them that they need a bath and decide to just stop talking to them, the unhygienic restroom users may have an emotional meltdown. They may try to solve their feeling of isolation by using a psychiatrist, but this will lead to expensive therapy bills. The emotionally unstable people will then go into debt, and since they cannot afford the psychiatrist, they may commit suicide. People may also attempt to release their feelings of depression by consuming large amounts of junk food; this will lead to obesity and result in a variety of health risks, which will ultimately lead to death. Some people may also try to get the affection that they feel deprived of by acquiring numerous pets. If the animals are not kept in appropriate living conditions, this could lead to an unsanitary living environment. These horrible living conditions will lead to bacteria and mold which will infect the pet owners. If left untreated, these people may become ill and die. The absence of friends could also lead to criminal offenses such as prostitution or rape. Because of their odor, no one will want to be around them unless they pay for someone’s company or force it. Since prostitution and rape are illegal, they will be thrown in jail and could possibly spend the rest of their life in prison. The deprivation of toilet paper in restrooms may also cause anger issues. When people discover that they have entered a bathroom with no toilet paper, they may take their frustrations out on the bathroom wall or the empty toilet paper dispenser, which could result in broken bones and loss of blood. They could also take it out on innocent bystanders or those responsible for refilling the dispensers. Fear and panic could result from these violent acts, and the police may not be able to handle the overwhelming criminal activity. The world will be thrown into chaos. The absence of toilet paper in bathrooms has to be terminated. One way we could put this offense to a stop is to develop a never ending toilet paper dispenser; it will work similarly to a vending machine. As one toilet paper roll is used it will send a signal to provide another roll. This machine would be mandatory in all restrooms. There would also be maintenance workers who would be responsible for fixing the machine if it broke down. While the machine is in the shop, a temporary replacement would be provided so that there is never any fear of running out of toilet paper. Another solution to this problem is to create a sensor that would trigger an alarm to sound if no toilet paper was present. This alarm could only be turned off once the toilet paper was put in the dispenser. This would make sure the bathrooms are fully stocked at all times to avoid the ear piercing sound of the alarm. The alarm would be solar powered. The public would be notified of the places where the alarms are activated by broadcasting it on the news, radio, and newspapers. A warning message would also be sent via email to the owners of the restrooms.
Another way to stop the threat of insufficient toilet paper would be to make it a criminal offense if a bathroom is found without toilet paper. There would have to be a weekly inspection of restrooms by the toilet paper police. If a person is found guilty then they would be thrown in jail for forty days. If they repeated the offense, they would face a trial and the maximum penalty would be the death penalty. This would eliminate lazy people in charge of the restrooms and emphasize the importance of toilet paper’s availability. Everyday, people must risk their lives by entering into bathrooms not knowing if there is toilet paper present. In a perfect world they will always find some. Unfortunately, this is not a fairy tale. We should not leave our well-being in the hands of mere chance. When the populace must use the bathroom and perform the necessary function of emptying their waste, they want to be comforted by the thought that there will always be a toilet paper roll by their side. By using one or a combination of these solutions, we can easily crack down on the horrendous offense of not having toilet paper in bathrooms. The days of finding yourself panicking because of no toilet paper should be put behind you. This is a severe offense and should not be taken lightly. It can cause disease and infections. It can also cause an increase in violence due to people taking out their frustrations on themselves and others. The odor resulting from a lack of wiping, could lead to people taking drastic measures such as suicide or criminal offenses. The need to empty the bladder is an urge that everyone must comply with everyday. It is a very personal act that people want to do in comfort. This deed should not be done without the use of the most important paper: toilet paper.