My life of 34 years, have been filled with love, happiness, trusting friendships, and a little disappointment from myself. Growing up I had an imagination incorporated with dreams and the feeling that one day I will make a difference to people. I did not want to be famous, however, I had a groaning from inside that I will be important. My journey has taken me on many trips, befriended many, and accomplished some things I was ok with. In this brief summary of my life I will give great tribute to a humanistic psychologist named Abraham Maslow. When I read about him in my psychology class at Olive Harvey College when I was twenty years old his theory was interesting but was not understood at that time in my life. It was not until I was 33, enrolled in a beginners psychology course at Chicago state university, I finally payed attention to his theory of life. The self- actualization stage was where I was at in my life; this feeling inside me was the desire to full my life to its full potential. Becoming all I can be. I had a house, I bought on my own, a job at the University of Chicago for twelve years, and a well rounded well behaved daughter. That was not good enough. My thought was what’s a house? what’s a job? I can be more than a phlebotomist with an associate’s degree in child development. There have been many people who have shaped me thinking and the way I view the world.
My mother was my primary caregiver .she married my father, unfortunately, was separated from him since I could remember. My mother was very strong, kept a very clean house, and very protecting of my sister, brother, and me. My sister LaShonda is 6 years older than me. She was compassionate and affectionate. My bother Lamont was very smart. I remember an overwhelming amount of verbal abuse to him. Not name call as much as a lot of fussing. My father Charles Stanton was always around. He told me he loved me a lot but never really talked to me. He would visit often. I went to kiddie cottage day care school. I remember Mrs. Roach the owner. She always treated me special. She gave me lots of attention. I remember she always introduced me to people as her special child. She would stop me from playing just to give me cake. I was no kin to her and my mother wasn’t her friend. She just took a special liking to me. At age five I went to Holy Cross Elementary School. My teacher was Sister Donna. She was I thought she was mean back then. Now I remember I did talk a lot a whole lot. I was not interested in the Hail Mary thing. My mother was single; however, we still had more than some of the families with two parents. We lived in a complex with over 35 building called parkway gardens. In the 70’s this was a vibrant neighborhood with working class people. Times were different and safe. I could go outside with the rest of the children only to stay in front of the building.
There are many children in Parkway Gardens. Therefore, it allowed me a lot of friends. The one friend that came to mind was two girls named Hannah and Troynetta. Hannah is my oldest friend. They were my best friends. However, I didn’t treat them very well. They were friends of circumstance. We got along and they liked my company for so reason.
By this time my mom had go involved with a man by name Richard. He was very nice, considerate. One day I remember at the age of about seven, hearing my mom tell him if he was to move in her house, that her children were first in her life. She was very forcefully in her voice so that he could understand. Now I know this is her way of communication to get her point across. By this time, she was still hard working. However, she was not too much involved in our extra curriculum activities. She always worked, no social life, no friends. My sister always worked throughout high school and received awards for typing. She followed in my mother’s footsteps. However, I remember after she had graduated from high school and immediately after she landed a very good job. She followed the advice of my mother by getting a trade to take care of you. She always instilled this in us, independents. My sister influenced in a way that she never let our environment and the stereotypes of young black women control who she was. She entered college and had a steady boyfriend. I remember she was the first person that taught me about racism. One day on our way downtown, holding my hand, I was bumping into white people, I thought she was so rude, she always said, they can say excuse me. Only to realize that they were the rude ones! We were in the right and they walked the sidewalks as if they owned the world. My brother entered high school with honors. Highly intelligent. However, somehow, drinking became a big part of his life. I remember him stumbling in the house, my mother yelled constantly. I don’t remember any intervention or any counseling for him. I don’t think in the eighties that there was early intervention for teenagers. My father gave me money every now and then. By this time, my opinion of him was he was not a truthful person only to realize that he never helped my mother financially. He just came around with big promises unfulfilled.
By the time I was ten I had been a part of many cliques drifting from friends to friends. One day, I met one of the most important people in my life by the name of Shavada. She was from Mississippi. And we were like twins. She was innocent friendly and accepting of my outgoing personality. Unlike the other friends I had, I did not want to hurt her feelings; I very much enjoyed her company. She eventually moved back to Mississippi after two years of being in Chicago. We kept in touch up until adult hood but she moved around very often that made I quite difficult to keep in touch. I was never afraid of crowds. I liked cheering and dancing. I graduated 6th grade. I began going to McCosh Elementary school. This was like the school of the art. These two years is where my confidence in myself shot to the sky. The director of the program was Mr. Lewis. He was the gym teacher also. The first day I went to McCosh, my friend took me to meet Mr. Lewis. The gym doors opened and the room was like fame on television. There were flipping, and dancing. Mr. Lewis was walking around with the whistle in his mouth viewing every aspect of the room. Every dance routine and cheering routine were perfect precisions. At this time, I liked what I saw and wanted a part of this adventure. He was too busy to meet me but every time I had gym I walked silly with my arm straight to show him that I was a cheerleader material. One day he laughed at me and asked me did I want to try out for the cheerleading team. I answered yes and he told me to come to the gym room and when I did, there were so many children I didn’t know anyone. They all looked older and developed than I. However, I was not fearful. I remember thinking wait until they get a hold of me. After tryouts everybody was really impressed. Mr. Lewis was so impressed he offered me apposition on the varsity team. No 7th grader was on that team. All my friends from junior varsity were happy for me. I was in all sorts of gym shows. At this time my friend Hannah was not a cheerleader and was not in my crowd at school. At home she started hanging with girls that were in to boys sexually. We were still friends but my life was practicing and performing. After Mccosh, I went to Julian high school. I was going there to be a cheerleader, but, my path had gotten off track. The 2nd day of school a girl picked a fight with me. I remembered my brother told me your reputation will follow me all four years. He was so right. I beat that tall girl so bad. I broke her nose. I did not want to be picking on the rest of my four years. I was short and not intimidating looking. After that fight every girl who was attracted to negative behavior was my friend. We were twenty girls hanging and cutting class. My mom was still hard working and by this time she had laid out the rules graduate on time and no babies. I knew she was not playing. When my brother graduated high school she woke him up everyday raining or snowing. Either gets a job or school. She never let up; when she leaves for work he leaves. He soon went to the air force, testing high. He was discharged from the air force because of drinking. He went to college and graduated. I did not cut class as often. I went just enough to get by. I know if she would have been hard about grades, I would have been a successful student. I knew these girls had pegged me wrong. I was not this ruff girl. My brother and sister kept me conscious of the mark of the beast, the money system, and a one world government. A few would be very interested and sucked the information in like a sponge. The others were getting high and drinking. I never did that. I knew that was beneath me. Cheering became distant in my high school years.
When I entered high school, my mother had bought a house. She was single now. After seven years she and Richard broke it off. He still came around and did a lot for us. I met a lot of new friends in this neighborhood. A girl named Granny became my best friend at the time. Back then I had gone through so many best friends. I remember that my sister used to tell me you has too many best friends and they are not all your friends, they are associates. I didn’t understand that until, now. Granny was a very close friend, we can laugh and talk but she was street smart but no education. She was talked about sexual relations every day. She was the first one to put the thought in my mind. She glorified sex as if it was a degree you had to work for. She was the channel to the friends that will be the joy of my life. One day Granny and I were walking, she knew two girls who were walking our way by the name of Eurica and Renee. The both were goofy, laughing, joking and debating issues without getting mad each other. Eurica had a very high self-esteem, bragging about attending a high school of great statue. Renee was bragging about winning a math award and how she was becoming an engineer. We walked ten blocks talking, laughing and drowning Granny out. We were connected from the start. We liked boys but not sexually. Granny eventually got a boyfriend and had six children like my mother and sister told me she would. From the moment both my mother and sister met Eurica and Renee, it was an instant approval. To this day we are the best of friends. Renee and I recently on October 17, 2008, went to South Beach to spend time with Eurica for her 35th birthday. Vice versa the same happed for Renee and me birthdays in August spent celebrating. They are both successful with careers.
I always had lots boyfriends. When Eurica and Renee left for college, I began a relationship with a boy by the name of Brian. I was in my senior year of high school. I spent a lot of time with him. He was nice and considerate, and worked on cars. He was 20years old and I was 17. He was all ways buying me things. I didn’t have a job in high school due to my mother wanting me to concentrate on school. I didn’t need money because my mother took very good care of me. I only realize now that all of the things he bought me from engagement rings to any material things that I wanted were a form of control. As I got older, I developed biologically, he became more possessive. I eventually graduated from high school on time like my mother insisted that I would, with no babies. I then got my first job with Sears and attended a junior college. I liked boys with cars that made me looked well. I love attention. I love boys with cars but at this time the only ones who could afford the nice ones were drug dealers. These types of boys were deeply enriched in my community. Thinking back, to my knowledge, I can’t remember anyone teaching me what kind of man to have in my life, as far as education. I now know I looked at men personalities, no drugs and alcohol and that was as far as I got in terms of qualification. After dating drug dealers, I came to realize that this was not the life and the company I wanted to keep.
I then later met a guy by the name Lester. He had displayed the role of a drug dealer by the way he dressed. However, he was not. He was a very nice person, who kept himself neat and respectful toward me. He took care of himself with music as a hobby and where he made money by producing rave music. He had a son who became a big part of my life due to him not only being Lester’s son but he had no mother. Now realizing, I dropped my standards of dating a guy with children, me being at the age of 21 with no children, I began to play the role of a mother and wife (with no ring). He was uneducated, a cheater, and lived with his mother. All of these unattributed of a ten year relationship were a waste of time. This was the beginning of my self esteem diminishing, my attitude became complacent. I went from traveling, and having fun, to home body and compassionate for his inability to not be in a place where should had been. I went from a shapely person to a pudgy person. Somehow, it didn’t stop me from dreaming, working, going to school and buying my home. I just settled too long when I could have been with a person who accented my qualities. Instead I was with a person who was jealous of my ambition to want more. I eventually had a beautiful girl by him name Tariyah. I had her for me. I knew I didn’t want to marry him, but in a way, I didn’t want to be stereotyped like a lot of women whom I worked with. Lester was a good father to his son [who I eventfully kept after we broke up ten years later] and Tariyah. In 2007 I met a woman named Valarie Jarrett; she was educated .humble and full of knowledge. I wanted to be educated like her and many other educated women. I would not settle ever again. I go to a class that honor the Sabbath and teach the bible. I rented out my house, took my retirement money and rehabbed a nice two bed room apartment over my mother, in which she owns, I draw blood for insurance companies. I take good care of Tariyah and help my mother out.im in school for nursing. I will pursue A P.H.D in psychology or a law degree. My sister has masters in psychology, married with 2 children, and is strong in mind and spirit. My brother has a degree in sociology; he’s an alcoholic, and still intelligent. He is unmarried with one child he made at age 36. My mother has friends .she travels, she is single, she is still working, and she lives her life. She is in Hawaii for two weeks enjoying her vacation. She is a good mother and always has been. She still fusses at my brother. I realize she fuss when she’s disappointed in us. Like when I settled down with Lester, our relationship was estranged slightly. Well if Maslow stage actualization is right, I will not stop until I reached my full potential.