My Max My Story --- February 2, 1984 – January 4. 2014

Day 1 -You really can live when your heart has exploded into a million pieces
January 4, 2014 ~ I missed a called from Monya getting a call from her is the norm. We had been on vacation for the holiday and were just heading down 101 heading for the 5 back to Sacramento. Well I tried to return Monya’s call and it was busy. So I was calling my voice mail, when her calls comes in so switched over.
My world as I know is forever changed. She is distraught crying and telling me you are gone, as in you’re dead. You need to understand Max; this is not how it is supposed to be. I could accept it when my dad died back in 2001. I was devastated because I loved him and thought I would have him in my life forever. But he was the dad and he had lived a good long life. I still miss him, but the pain is minimal. But my son nothing about your dying makes any sense to me. You were 29 years old. You were brilliant, you were such a kind, generous soul, you were beautiful and you were loved so much by so many.
Life went downhill from that moment in time, first I had to break this to your dad. You well know we are the kind of couple that reacts to any given situation with more hostility then love. Driving 75 hours a mile down a 4 lane freeway is not the place to destroy someone’s life. So it is my first thought that we have to get off the freeway, so I started yelling for him to get off the freeway. You know your dad and I have one of those volatile relationships. So now he is yelling at me as he maneuvers over 4 lanes to the next exit. Your dad is asking for directions and I have no idea about directions and he wants to know if he should go left or right and all I could do was yell pick one and find a place to pull in and park it. I think he knew in his heart and mind that what I had just heard on the phone was not good. Your dad was already at his wits end with all my yelling, that I hating having to say the words that would cause him so much pain.
Now I have to tell your dad that you are dead, he is having a hard time believing me. I don’t even believe me. He has lots of questions to which I have no answers. All I know at this point is that you had gone to bed early at midnight you were snoring loudly and Monya tried to wake you up at time, but didn’t wake up then. At approximately around 11:30 a.m. the morning of January 4, you did not wake up, you had died in your sleep. I found out later it was Anabella who went to wake you up, you would not wake up. She was grossed out that you had spittle on your face and she ran down stairs to get a paper towel to wipe your face. She had no idea you were not just sleeping. That is when Monya realized that you were not just asleep, that is when she called 911. There was no reviving you when they arrived; you had been dead for a while. I really don’t know the exact circumstances on how things went down, I was not there. I know from your little girl that she was the one that found you and had tried to wake you up and wiped your face. She was a daddy’s girl and I grieve for her loss more than my own. We turned around and returned to your Uncle Mickey and Auntie Charlene’s house. We had to notify the family, honestly Max I don’t know who I called first. Your uncle Mickey started checking to into flights to Buffalo, from any one of the airports in Southern California. There was nothing most flights were being cancelled there was a bad storm in in the Eastern states. Living in Southern California where winters are warm, if we had gotten on a plane for back east we would have frozen to death in Buffalo without going back to Sacramento to our home and getting warmer clothes and coats.
I called my friend Brian one of the Elders from our church to tell him and had to tell him we didn’t have any money to make this trip out to Buffalo to plan your funeral. It was humbling but we had just been on a two week vacation, just had Christmas and I had just paid all our monthly bills. There was nothing. Our church was our only hope. The calls were coming in on both cell phones and we made the choice to get on the road in all our misery and drive the 7 plus hours to home in Sacramento. Max I love you so much and my losing you exploded my heart into a million pieces and if I could have just melted into the ground and died to, I would have liked that. Unfortunately, we had 470 miles of road to travel, both cell phones were ringing. Monya called key people and they called key people so the word was out and everyone was calling us. The most difficult calls were from Monya wanted me to tell the coroner we wanted an autopsy. Of course we did, you are 29 years old and you died in your sleep. But no matter how much I insisted and demanded I was told no it would not happen. Then the next call was the coroner telling me to have someone come pick up your body. Now I’m 3000 miles away and what I really wish, I wish I could just hold you in my arms and rock you against my body and sing to you, “You are my Sunshine”. Not call a funeral home to come take you away. I had to call your Godmother, Anita to even get a name of a funeral home and she gives me the one the family uses. I get calls from some of the other Elders from church they have to get the okay from all the Elders to pay for us to fly out to Buffalo. They all have agreed and one of them is in charge of making the flight reservations. It almost seems like a miracle that we have a flight out at 10 p.m. tonight Saturday. We will have enough time to unpack, shower and repack. But before we can leave for the airport that flight is cancelled. They work on rebooking and the next sure flight out is not until Monday at 2 p.m. and out of San Jose. So we went to church on Sunday morning because we both need to go pray and be among our Christian friends for strength.
At this point Max I want you to know that your little girl has got such a strong relationship with the Lord. I know there was a time that you didn’t understand it, but I’m glad you never discouraged it. That relationship and strong belief in God the Father and in Christ Jesus His Son is her salvation. That is why through all this she has be an amazingly strong little girl. She is a little Max at heart and you were the best daddy in the world and that is why she is the person she is. And just for the record Max, it is her belief that you had come to accept the Lord as your savior, maybe through her hitting you over the head with it, that she knows you are in heaven with the Lord today. As your mother and a Christian, her words have given me such peace.
To be continued – Day 2