My World is Quiet but My Life Is Not
Angel Cole
PSY202
Instructor Hopson
October 11, 2013

1. What was your family like? a. Caring b. Parents wanted the best for the kids c. Strict d. Stable e. Hard making ends meet, no milk for lunches f. Up at 3:30am every morning to deliver the USA newspaper g. Mom went back to school for her teaching degree h. My Dad worked hard and hard long days, he just retired in May.
2. What are some of your favorite memories? a. Camps: CYO, Camp Sealth, Soccer camp b. Riding the ski bus every Saturday for lessons c. Pitching 1st ball for Mariners d. Camping with family e. Growing up in school
3. What were your educational experiences? a. Started 3 years old at UW to get a head start because of Deafness b. Went to North West School for the Hearing Impaired Children – could have gotten a cochlear implant c. Mainstreamed at Kings d. Went to Olympic View Junior high (Met current husband) e. Mariner High School then Kamiak High School (Sno-Isle) f. Scholarship to Edmonds Community College then went to Bellevue College g. 9 years later back to Edmonds Community College h. Now Ashford
4. What were you like as a teenager? a. I was a good kid until I went to public schools b. Got my name in the newspaper often for sports c. The only Deaf kid in school and people knew who I was d. Very involved in sports e. Ran away from home when I was 16

5. What did you do after you left school? a. I moved out as soon as I turned 18 b. Moved in with an older boyfriend c. Died in a car accident d. worked 2 jobs went to Bellevue College e. lived in my car for 3 months with a friend f. moved around a lot g. hit rock bottom with an abusive boyfriend and drugs h. met first husband, he saved me i. played for the National Deaf softball team
6. Do you have your own family now? a. Even though I have my own family now, I married into a family when I was 23. b. Sometimes feel like a single mother c. I have a hearing child
7. What are your personal, professional, and academic goals? a. To be the best mother for Caprielle b. a loving, understanding and supporting wife for my husband who isn’t home a lot c. After getting my accounting degree with no job in sight went to work for Target for a couple years and then had a baby d. Decided to go back to school and get my BA for HR and Management. e. I hope to work for Boeing when Caprielle starts school f. Slow down and smell the roses
8. What would make you happy in the future? a. Work for Boeing or a big company with great benefits and money so my husband doesn’t have to work all the time b. own our dream house c. Husband have a Monday - Friday job d. go on ski vacations often e. Be close to my parents to help them out f. Good schools for Caprielle g. If my family is happy, I will be happy h. Soccer coach again i. Have dogs all around me!

My World is Quiet but My Life Is Not
Being deaf all my life has been challenging for me and the people around me. Reading about adult development theories in class has opened my eyes to how my life went in a path that was good, bad and then better. I have lived a very different life than other people. I hope the path I chose will give me the satisfaction of accomplishing another life goal which will allow my husband to be home more often. I want to be able to raise our daughter and dogs in a house we can call ours. As I look back at the journey from my childhood to the present. I have realized I have accomplished a lot. In this paper you will see a few of my life experiences have made me the person I am today. I have goals that I want to accomplish and going back to college is one of them.
I was born and raised in the Northwest, Mukilteo area, just 30 minutes north of Seattle, Washington. I was born deaf but got diagnosed as profoundly deaf at 18 months old. My parents were devastated. They were lost about what to do with a deaf child. My parents cared so much for my younger brother and I. They put me in school at three years old at the University of Washington early head start so I could be exposed to sign language and learn how to cope with my deafness and the hearing world. My parents took sign language classes to be able to communicate with me. My mom has told me sign language was the best thing she could have exposed me to. Every time I would get frustrated I would squeeze my fists and shake. But as soon as I learned how to sign I could express my frustrations. The shaking stopped immediately.
My parents struggled to make ends meet, sending me to school early in life was very expensive, I remember going to school with no milk money (25 cents) for lunch some days. My mom would apologize over and over again that she could not afford milk for my brother and I. My mom was just a teacher aide. My dad was in between jobs. I remember every morning my parents would put my brother and I in the back of the GMC van at 3:30am every morning to deliver the USA Today newspaper for the extra money.
I have to thank my school, North West School for the Hearing Impaired Children (NWS) for helping me feel like I belong in the hearing world. I have learned how to speak, read lips and write in English. NWS has exposed us to the hearing world by mainstreaming us to King’s School in Seattle for Math, Science, PE, Home EC and we had lunch with hearing kids. NWS was a private school with only a max of six kids in a class and 2 or 3 teachers. While I was going to NWS, one of my biggest memories was that I got chosen to pitch the opening pitch for the Mariners on October 2nd 1986!
During my years at NWS a big breakthrough was discovered in Cochlear Implants (CI). At the UW hospital deaf kids were being tested to see if they were candidates for a free CI trial. I remember I was so excited and hoping I would qualify for one. Shortly after the testing, my parents told me that I was not qualified for a CI and I was heartbroken. When I was 18 years old, my mom told me the truth. She told me that she wanted to have that decision made by me, not them. I was so thankful I never got the procedure. I hear some sounds with my hearing aids and I was told I would not hear any difference. The biggest thing that made me decide, no, was the fact that they did not have any proof that the implant would not affect your brain or body in 20 or 30 years. Lee Chongmin (2012), a Scholar in Deaf studies, states, that “The Deaf Community has objected to the idea of “curing” these children, and of hearing parents making that decision on behalf of their children.” (p.821) I go to NWS every year for a reunion and to speak on a panel to current and future parents. I see more than half of the children that have Cochlear Implants! It bothers me. I just want to give the parents a piece of my mind for doing that to their child!! They have to go through a hard surgery and the recovery is painful. It makes me angry that the parents want to “fix” the child, give them surgery. They have hearing aids out there and they work just fine. Hearing aids does not require surgery. There is no proof of forever life in Cochlear Implants. I think they should have a law to have the child decide when they are 18 if they want a CI or not.
My mom decided to go back to get her teaching degree when I was 7 years old. I remember my dad telling my brother and I to not bother mom when she was doing homework. She graduated from SPU (Seattle Pacific University) with her teaching degree when I was entering junior high school. By that time, my dad had found a good job with the county.
It was time to graduate from NWS and go to any junior high school and high school I wanted to go to. NWS only goes up to 8th grade. I chose to go to my local junior high. I was excited but nervous. I did have “hearing” friends already from soccer, softball and skiing teams I was involved with. My mom made me do 8th grade again since I was young for my grade. If my mom did not make me repeat 8th grade I would have graduated from High School at 16. Plus I would not be with my friends from my sports team. I also went away to camp every summer. It would be either soccer camps or a simple resident camp through camp fire. I made a lot of friends though that and I was able to interact with hearing kids.
Moving from a private school to public school was a culture shock for me. I had only six kids in my class and more than one teacher was always available at my private school. Public school had 30 kids in a class and one teacher. According to Witt & Mossler (2010), “When we change our behavior or beliefs to fit into a group, it is called conformity. It is a powerful force on behavior, even when people’s thinking about a subject has not changed. People are more likely to do things that they may not do alone, good and bad, when they see others in their group doing it, such as engaging in prosocial behavior (positive behavior designed to promote friendship and social acceptance), protesting, vandalism, and volunteer work.” (ch 1.3) I was so overwhelmed with all the new friends I had and groups I was involved in. Since I was the only Deaf kid in the school, people knew who I was. There were bad and good kids, I got involved in the wrong crowd once and did some horrible things such as vandalism, having people over when I was not supposed to, got drunk once and the list goes on. I got sent to the principal office often when I was hanging out with that crowd. My parents threatened to send me to a private school down south in Vancouver, Washington. I decided to straighten up; I certainly did not want to go to the school in Vancouver. It was an all-deaf school where you stay at the school dorms during the week and come home on the weekends. That meant no sports during the week! I would miss my family and friends too much.
I met my current husband in middle school. He was in 7th grade and I was in the 8th grade. We were just friends, never dated. Andy and I rode the ski bus together every weekend and skied together. We hung out with the same friends. We had crushes on each other but he was afraid of the communication barrier.
I had very strict parents; they had rules for my brother and me. I could not do anything fun unless my homework was done and room was clean. I never went out to parties with friends. My dad is Italian and believes in spanking and discipline the hard way, so I got spanked a lot. I ran away from home when I was 16. I left the house and called a friend up to have her pick me up, I did not see my family for a week. My aunt eventually picked me up. My mom was so hurt when I ran away. To this day, my parents dislike my friend who is still a big part of my life. Now that I’m older and wiser, I feel bad for putting my parents through that.
My parents were overprotective of me because I was deaf. I graduated with honors and got a soccer scholarship for my 1st two years of college. Because of overprotective parents, turning 18 was exciting. I moved out a few days after I turned 18. My dad has always joked with me about the day I turn 18, he will have suitcases ready for me. I took that seriously and I moved out. I moved in with a much older boyfriend and two other roommates. I went to college and worked two jobs. I was not serious about college back then, I just did the college gig because it was what everyone did after high school and I got the soccer scholarship. It also made my parents happy. I transferred colleges half way through since I moved 40 miles across town. I graduated with my AAS degree in 1998.
During my college life, working two jobs and in between boyfriends, my best friend and I decided to live in our cars to see what it was like and to save money. We were not the smartest 20 year olds on the block. We chose to live in our cars on the coldest months of the year. We also had a mouse living with us in the trunk! That didn’t work out very well.
I also got a second chance at life. My friends and I went to Idaho for one day (March 17th, 1997) which meant driving back in the late night/early morning hours. I drove half way until I got too tired to drive so I switched with a friend. I fell asleep in the back seat of the car and the next thing I knew I was laying on the grass with the freeway 100 feet away in front of me. I remember my face feeling all wet and my left leg was throbbing. I reached for my face and noticed there was blood on my hands. My face was covered in blood. I died at that moment; I was resurrected in the ambulance. I had 72 stitches, crushed ribs, whiplashed neck and back. There was glass all over my head and face. I have lost concussion and couldn’t breathe. My parents received the most feared phone call in their life, a call from the hospital about their child. I’m thankful I am alive today.
I met a guy named Bill who I fell in love with. We were together for two horrible years. I barely remember anything other than the drugs and abuse. I do not even remember my 21st birthday. I remember lying to my family a lot. I did not see my family much in those two years. I lost a good paying job during that time. I got so many black eyes and bruises from Bill and I thought it was my fault. I got clean after realizing I hit rock bottom. I had no money, no job, losing the roof over my head, losing my family and friends. I stopped the drugs, got a great job at Washington Mutual bank where I met my 1st husband. Ron was 10 years older than me and he was a very sincere man. He cared about me a lot but I was still with Bill at that time. The abuse from Bill was still going on and I could talk to Ron about it and he basically saved me from that horrible relationship. Ron called my parents and brother to come over with trucks and we packed up all my stuff and moved me out of Bill’s house. I lived with my parents for a while and I started to fall in love with Ron. We got engaged quickly. I was only 23 when we got married. Ron had a daughter from a previous marriage; she was 6 at the time.
This statement, also from Witt and Mossler (2010), “One path leads to the left, the other to the right. The one you choose will change your life.” (chapter 1) I chose the path with Bill and I faced another fork in the path with Ron. I chose to get out of the abusive relationship with Bill. But at the end I have chosen another path in life with Andy. Ron and I were married for almost 7 years. I was not really happy with him I felt like I married him for the wrong reasons. His daughter has caused a lot of emotional turmoil between us. Marley, Ron’s daughter, has made me the bad guy. Marley has been trying to get her mother and father back together and would set up mine fields for me to step in. She would accuse me of doing things I would not ever do. Eventually I got tired of the drama and emotional roller coaster in the relationship I decided to leave. I moved back into my parents’ house with my dog. I was working two jobs because I was still making payments on the house that Ron and I owned together. I really wanted to sell the house to get out of the mortgage. I went back to school to get my Accounting degree after Washington Mutual bank has decided to lay us all off.
My crush from the past, Andy, came back in the picture, thanks to Facebook and MySpace. While going through the divorce from Ron, Andy has been there for me for support and a shoulder to cry on. My dog, Emma has eventually moved out of my parent’s basement and into Andy’s home. Andy had a dog named Zeppelin so Emma had a playmate. Emma has destroyed my parent’s basement door trying to get out so I had to find a new place for her. I was not ready to get a new place since I was still making payments for the house.
After the divorce was finalized, the house sold, Andy and I were in love and decided to get married. I got a job at Target after struggling for two years looking for an accounting job, but I actually liked working at Target. I worked at Target until I gave birth to the most beautiful hearing daughter, Caprielle. It was the hardest thing ever for me to do, change my lifestyle to be a mother. I was playing sports and did what I pleased. I never wanted kids until I was in my 30’s and married someone I wanted to be with for the rest of my life.
I try to be a good, loving and understanding wife to Andy. He is a tug boater where his schedule is all over the place. Andy is on call, so we never know when he works next and when he will be home. He can be gone for 5 hours to 2 weeks. We never can schedule a family outing together unless he asks for days off. In that case, I feel like a single mother sometimes. Caprielle is so active and I get overwhelmed a lot and it frustrates me when Andy is not home to help.
I still play a lot of sports, I need time for me. Caprielle comes with me to my sporting events because I want to show her playing sport is a good thing. I play kickball twice a week; Andy’s mother comes out to the field to babysit. I play soccer on Wednesdays; a friend of mine comes out and watches Caprielle at the games. I play softball on the weekends; we have different babysitters for that. Sports are something I cannot give up. It is who I am. I hope Caprielle becomes an athlete just like her father and I.
We just lost a beautiful house last spring. A deal has fallen through, we were leasing to own. We gave them 20 thousand dollars in down payment in this house and the owners after three years of leasing decides to ask for more money for their house. There was no way the bank would let us buy the house for more than what it was worth. We have put so much money into the house; we remodeled the master bathroom, painted, fixed up the yard and replaced a lot of things. Sadly, we had to walk away, we moved into my parents’ house. It was the hardest decision we had to make since we had Caprielle. I did not want to be broke for the rest of my life from paying a high mortgage payment. I wanted to do things such as go on vacations and play sports.
Our goal as a family is to get Andy a new job where he can work a Monday-Friday job and buy a house before Caprielle starts Kindergarten. Right now I am enrolled in Ashford University to finish my Bachelor’s degree in Human Resource Management. I hope to work for Boeing when Caprielle is in elementary school. Hopefully after we buy a house I can slow down and smell the roses.
My life is just chaos right now living with my parents, playing sports, going to school, working once a month at Caprielle’s co-op preschool, husband never home, Caprielle’s gymnastics and soccer practice. I would love to coach soccer again, maybe Caprielle’s future soccer team. I would love to afford ski trips. We have a 37 foot RV just for skiing that we bought last year so the dogs could live in the RV on my parents’ property while we lived at my parents. I miss my dogs so much. My parent does not want dogs in their house.
In summary, I always say if my family is happy, then I’m happy. I know Andy wants to be home more often to see Caprielle grow up. I hope the choice I made of going back to school for my BA in Human Resource Management would give me a great job opportunity that would give us less stress about our finances. I want to enjoy life with my family and dogs. Finally, I have explained briefly about my life that I lived I have chosen my final path in life and I am happy with the path, especially when I was given a second chance in life.

References:
Chongmin, L. (2012) Deafness and Cochlear Implants: A Deaf Scholar’s Perspective, 27 (6), 821-823 doi: 10.1177/0883073812441248
Witt, G.A., & Mossler, R.A. (2010) Adult Development and Life Assessment, San Diego, CA: Bridgepoint Education, Inc.