Free Essay

On Listening

In:

Submitted By adhelia
Words 877
Pages 4
I have nothing to live for.” Helen spoke softly. A bright and articulate woman at 86, this was the first time in 20 years that I had heard these words from her. She suffered from chronic osteoarthritic pain in her joints, and fatigue and dizziness related to difficult-to-control congestive heart failure. Her nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs had been withdrawn because of heart failure and her cardiac medications resulted in symptomatic hypotension. Her medication regimen involved a delicate trade-off between effective treatment and adverse effects.
“I can no longer travel. I can hardly walk. My kids are grown and have moved away. They don't need me any more. I sometimes wonder why we are trying so hard to keep me around. My life has no purpose, no meaning.”
Helen looked away tearfully. Silence. My resident Lisa appeared uncomfortable.
“Yes you do! You have purpose,” Lisa chirped. “Tell Dr. Lee what's happening this afternoon! Who's coming this afternoon?”
Helen smiled. “My newest grandchild from Denmark. My son will be visiting this afternoon.” She paused. “I do look forward to holding him. But … they don't need me. All my life I've cared for others. I can't do that anymore.”
Lisa's words reminded me of some of my own, perhaps 20 years ago. I can well remember the discomfort of wanting to fix problems for which there were no fixable solutions, of wanting to provide comfort to the suffering patient but not knowing the “right” words to use. Those awkward periods of silence. The biomedical model of my medical training in the 1980s provided little help with this.
I have learned over time that sometimes, we simply need to listen.
Charon writes, “A scientifically competent medicine alone cannot help a patient grapple with the loss of health or find meaning in suffering. Along with scientific ability, physicians need the ability to listen to the narratives of the patient, grasp and honor their meanings, and be moved to act on the patient's behalf.”1
Honouring the patient's meaning requires that we refrain from imposing our own meaning and values on to their story. Mezirow describes the frames of reference adults acquire through experience, which define their life world.2 These frames of reference shape expectations, perceptions, cognition and feelings, and create a specific point of view that will differ for each of us. Meaning must therefore be the patient's own and determined in the context of the patient's life.
Nichols writes of the importance of listening. “By momentarily stepping out of his or her own frame of reference and into ours, the person who listens well acknowledges and affirms us. That affirmation, that validation is absolutely essential for sustaining the self-affirmation known as self-respect. Without being listened to, we are shut up in the solitude of our own hearts.”3
Nichols emphasizes the importance of making listening an active process that involves a deliberate effort to suspend our own needs and reactions — in essence, a suspension of self — and to immerse in the other. To listen well, we must hold back what we have to say and control the urge to interrupt or argue. “You need to be silent. You need to be selfless.”3
Nichols writes, “A lot of failed listening takes the form of telling other people not to feel the way they do.” The effect is to not acknowledge their feelings. “Reassuring the person that there's nothing to worry about is not responsive to him; it's responsive to the listener's own uneasiness.”3
So, how does good listening help with healing? When patients are allowed to tell their story, they are no longer isolated in their suffering. The telling of their story may also help them to achieve a critical distance from their pain. Frank writes, “people tell the stories they need to tell in order to work through the situation they are in.... When experience becomes an object for what is now a mutual involvement, the teller gains some distance between what is being lived and what is being told. Only at this distance can actions — including interpretations — be perceived as possibly having alternatives, thus making change imaginable.”4
So I pulled up a chair beside Helen. I sat and I listened. Being half her age, I did not have her life experience or knowledge of her perspectives as the basis for making assumptions about how she might feel or ought to feel. It was important to accept her story and in doing so, honour and validate her suffering. I encouraged her to share her thoughts on meaning and purpose, spirituality, supports and hope.
Over time, I have become aware that a humanistic orientation benefits not only the patient, but the physician as well. In truly listening, in suspending our own perspectives and agenda, we are offered the privilege of learning how others deal with, and make sense of, suffering. Frank believes that “humans do have to suffer; call it our existential destiny. But there are better ways to suffer; call those ways grace.”4
In medicine, we often bear uncomfortable witness to the reality of what experience has in store for many of us. In listening to our patients, we learn invaluable lessons from those making their journey ahead of us.

Similar Documents

Free Essay

Listening

...EFFECTIVE LISTENING What Effective Listening Is ?         Effective listening is actively absorbing the information given to you by a speaker, showing that you are listening and interested, and providing feedback to the speaker so that he or she knows the message was received.  Delivering verbal communication, like writing a newsletter, involves trying to choose the right words and nonverbal cues to convey a message that will be interpreted in the way that you intend.  Effective listeners show speakers that they have been heard and understood. "We were given two ears but only one mouth, because listening is twice as hard as talking." Sources of Difficulty by the Speaker • Voice volume too low to be heard. • Making the message too complex, either by including too many unnecessary details or too many issues. • Getting lost, forgetting your point or the purpose of the interaction. • Body language or nonverbal elements contradicting or interfering with the verbal message, such as smiling when anger or hurt is being expressed. • Paying too much attention to how the other person is taking the message, or how the person might react. Sources of Difficulty by the Listener  • Being preoccupied and not listening. • Being so interested in what you have to say that you listen mainly to find an opening to get the floor. • Formulating and listening to your own rebuttal to what the speaker is saying. • Listening to your own personal beliefs...

Words: 503 - Pages: 3

Free Essay

Listening

...Are You Listening Or Just Reloading? I think in our rush to argue and dissent these days, we have lost the art of listening. By that, I mean listening to truly understand the other person, not listening to agree or disagree, but simply listening to understand. There is an old Buddhist saying that goes something like: "Are you listening, or just preparing to speak." Recently, I heard someone from Europe speak on the subject of communication in America. He said this: "Americans aren't listening, they're just reloading." Ouch! That certainly does describe one kind of communication that seems to be increasingly popular these days. Have you ever been the victim of someone who is good at "reloading," someone who has been through one of those "effective listening" or "effective communications" courses? You know who I mean - they can make eye contact, lean forward, toss in the occasional "I see" and make every outward appearance of actually being attentive. The really good ones can also paraphrase or even repeat verbatim what is that you have to say. I am not referring to the person who is seeking to listen and to paraphrase before carrying on themselves; rather, I am thinking about the person who has become highly skilled at what I call "malicious listening." The malicious listener has mastered the art of listening with a not-so-hidden motive. This person listens to prove you wrong and uses your own words to make their case. They can quote you ("you said . . . .") and quickly follow...

Words: 1076 - Pages: 5

Premium Essay

Listening

...1. What listening requires? Listening is a process wherein a person uses his or her sense of hearing to successfully interpret a message in a communication process. There are a number of different requirements to be able to attain effective listening. Of course, the receiver should lend his or her ear and keep quiet, respect the one who is talking. In respecting the speaker, his mannerisms or habits and his and your differences in language should also be taken note of. Also, an open mind is also considered- accept the ideas and opinions of the speaker. The receiver should also focus and concentrate in what is being said to be able to fully and correctly understand the message to be conveyed. Another requirement is the simple responses all throughout the listening process. Simply nodding and maintaining eye contact will give the speaker an easier way to let all his thoughts out. Avoiding distractions or barriers is also a help in having successful listening. Also affecting the listening process are non-verbal symbols like the volume, tone, pitch and intonation of the speaker. The body language, such as facial expressions and eye contact, can also affect the listening process, therefore should also be considered. Lastly, the most important thing is to listen to the message’s essence and meaning, understand it, and don’t just listen to the words coming out from the speaker. 2. Five listening barriers and its corresponding solutions: a. Distractions- The noise around and the...

Words: 645 - Pages: 3

Premium Essay

Listening

...average of 70% of their time engaged in some sort of communication, of this an average of 45% is spent listening compared to 30% speaking, 16% reading and 9% writing.” (Adler, R. et al. 2001). Based on the research of: Adler, R., Rosenfeld, L. and Proctor, R. (2001). Interplay: the process of interpersonal communicating (8th edn), Fort Worth, TX: Harcourt. In this fast paced, technology-based world where the need to communicate is more important than ever, we all seem to be in so much of a hurry, that we do not really take the time to listen to what people are saying. Listening can help improve accuracy, solve problems, resolve conflict, and build relationships. As simple as good listening seems, through poor listening, we can misinterpret and misunderstand, which can cause confusion, frustration, and even conflict in both our professional and personal relationships. In a study of over 8,000 people employed in businesses, hospitals, universities, the military and government agencies, results showed that most people responding felt that they communicate as effectively or more effectively than their co-workers. However, research shows that the average person listens at only about 25% efficiency. Interestingly, while most people tend to agree that effective listening is an important skill, they do not feel the need to improve the level of their listening skills. (Haney, W. V. 1979). Despite the date of this study, it reflects an important statistic, one...

Words: 1118 - Pages: 5

Free Essay

Effective Listening

...step in listening is to make a decision to be mindful (Wood, 2013, p.144.) Listening entails understanding what the person is saying and this is why we need to be mindful of what we are saying and why we are saying it. It is important that we listen with respect we should not be thinking about how we are going to answer them while they are talking. Just because you are listening does not mean you agree or even disagree with who is speaking. It merely shows that you are trying to understand. It is equally important that when you are in a conversation with someone to listen and understand. Always try to look at things from the other person’s perspective and not your own. . Guidelines for Effective Listening From the interaction does it seem to you that Alan is actively listening? After watching the video Alan is not actively listening due to the fact of his Kinesics behavior body which displays his body language and facial expression during the interview. Alan when interviewing both his employees shows no compassion or interest in what was being said to him. Gretchen was expressing to him why she was taking her time because of her attention to detail and Andrew was letting him know why he was late and missing days. Alan was focusing on Andrew’s Chronemics (time). Alan is not trying to understand how either of his employees is feeling nor is he actively listening. The first step in listening is to make a decision to be mindful (Wood, 2013, pg. 144) Mindful listening involves...

Words: 1006 - Pages: 5

Premium Essay

Art of Listening

...Art of Listening www.humanikaconsulting.com Learning outcomes • Explain what we mean by listening skills • Identify why listening skills are important, from an employability perspective • Identify key reasons why we often fail to listen effectively • Adopt simple listening techniques to ensure that you listen effectively Introduction • Almost 45% of time we spend in listening. • An essential management and leadership skill. • A process of receiving, interpreting and reacting to a message. • Difference between listening & hearing Why Be A Good Listener? Needs of the Customer… • To be recognized and remembered • To feel valued • To feel appreciated • To feel respected • To feel understood • To feel comfortable about a want or need Traits of a Good Listener • • • • • Being non-evaluative Paraphrasing Reflecting implications Reflecting hidden feelings Inviting further contributions • Responding non-verbally Percentage of Communication Mode of Communication Writing Reading Speaking Listening Formal Years of Training 12 years 6-8 years 1-2 years 0-few hours Percentage of Time Used 9% 16 % 30% 45% Listening is the most powerful form of acknowledgment …a way of saying, “You are important.” Listening builds stronger relationships …creates a desire to cooperate among people because they feel accepted and acknowledged. Listening promotes being heard …”Seek first to understand, then be understood.” - Stephen Covey Listening creates...

Words: 1453 - Pages: 6

Premium Essay

Listening Audience

... Sapp 1 Listening Audience Essay 2/4/14 SPC2017 Ms. Sullivan Throughout my career, I have attended many meetings and functions, each having different topics or atmospheres. Generally, I focus on the speakers or material, more than what the listening audience does. My experiences with these types of events were peaceful and without conflict. I had never thought watching people listen would give me any information on anything. However, I recently attended a meeting I was looking forward to watching the audience. I recently began working for a new agency, an agency that has many conflicts between management and employees; there have even been grievances filed. It is because of this I chose to observe the listening audience of a meeting we held in our Jacksonville office on December 31, 2013. This meeting had me interested in the audience due to the variety of speakers we had, from management to Union representatives and because we were addressing resolution of issues. As I began reading the Human Communication textbook, I was able to relate what I was reading in chapter 4 to what I had seen. Often, the importance of listening is taken for granted; we hear things throughout the day without even noticing. We listen to friends, family, and nature; whatever it may, be we hear it without thinking about it. This is such an unconscious occurrence we sometimes forget how important it is not to just hear but really listen. To appreciate the importance of listening one must consider...

Words: 1141 - Pages: 5

Free Essay

What Is Listening?

...What is listening? Or rather what is considered listening? According to the International Listening Association, listening is defined as “the process of receiving, constructing meaning form, and responding to spoken and/or nonverbal messages” (DeVito, 2012). The actual definition for listening is defined as “to give ear to” (Merriam-Webster, 2013), and that’s the very true essence of listening; to give ear to, to hear with thoughtful attention, to pay attention. Managers in the workplace are well known for having a reputation of not being great listeners. Whether it’s from lack of caring or just too many things clouding one’s mind, the overall problem lies with the lack of attention. Not all managers are bad, many can actually listen and give thoughtful responses, but the ratio of which ones listen and which do not is usually in the favor of those who do not. When there is more than one manager overseeing a group of employees, conflict arises, but not solely out of pride or who’s higher on the social ladder. Many conflicts arise because they simply do not listen. There are five different types of listening styles; empathetic/objective listening, nonjudgmental/critical listening, surface/depth listening, polite/impolite listening, and active/inactive listening (DeVito, 2012). Each manager has to learn and master these five types of listening or several barriers are placed between them and the employee. A company then has to listen. If employees conclude that a manager is just...

Words: 2107 - Pages: 9

Premium Essay

Effective Listening

...In: Business and Management Listening EFFECTIVE LISTENING What Effective Listening Is ? Effective listening is actively absorbing the information given to you by a speaker, showing that you are listening and interested, and providing feedback to the speaker so that he or she knows the message was received. Delivering verbal communication, like writing a newsletter, involves trying to choose the right words and nonverbal cues to convey a message that will be interpreted in the way that you intend. Effective listeners show speakers that they have been heard and understood. "We were given two ears but only one mouth, because listening is twice as hard as talking." Sources of Difficulty by the Speaker • Voice volume too low to be heard. • Making the message too complex, either by including too many unnecessary details or too many issues. • Getting lost, forgetting your point or the purpose of the interaction. • Body language or nonverbal elements contradicting or interfering with the verbal message, such as smiling when anger or hurt is being expressed. • Paying too much attention to how the other person is taking the message, or how the person might react. Sources of Difficulty by the Listener • Being preoccupied and not listening. • Being so interested in what you have to say that you listen mainly to find an opening to get the floor. • Formulating and listening to your own rebuttal to what the speaker...

Words: 318 - Pages: 2

Free Essay

Listening Skills

...Lesson Plan Class: HND Topic: Listening Skills . Objective: By the end of this session students will be able to write email. Total Time: 60Minutes Segment | What and How? Describe Activities | Materials | Time | 1. Warm up and /or review | 1. Divide students into pairs. Ask them to share a time when they were talking to someone about something important and they thought the other person was not listening to them. Have them share what it felt like to not be listened to. | NA | 5 min. | 2. Introduction | Share with students that they will practice active listening skills to make them better listeners. Ask for two volunteers, a speaker and a listener, to come to the front of the class. Ask one student to speak to the other student for one minute about what she/he did after school the day before. Direct the student (privately) who is in the listening role to use poor listening skills, e.g. look at your watch, interrupt, avoid eye contact, look bored or impatient, tap your foot or fidget. | NA | 5 min. | 3. Presentation | Explain the PPT | PPT | 25min. | 4. Practice | Take up a listening activity | Worksheet | 20 min | 5. Evaluation(Homework/Assignment/Class work) | NA | NA | 0 min. | 6. Application/Closure | Lead a whole class discussion using some or all of the following questions: What did it feel like to really be listened to without being interrupted? Does that happen often in your life? Why or why not? What made this activity challenging...

Words: 279 - Pages: 2

Free Essay

Listening Audience!

... 1 Listening Audience! Brandon Picone COM425 Kristine Clancy Nov 8, 2014 FINAL PAPER 2 Listening Audience! At the root of effective listening is appreciating the difference between hearing and listening. Hearing is merely a physiological process; whereas, listening is an interpretive process (Schnell, Jim 1995).We can always learn something from listening to someone. Humans are special in that way, and as listeners, we cannot have that attitude like we know everything. Someone will always have a difference of opinion, it just matters how you will use the information. Some people may think that listening is a waste of time, but in actuality, listening is never a waste of time. The more we pay attention and push ourselves to be active listeners, the better the communication will be with our peers, leaders, employees and customers. It is very important that we understand both how we listen, as well as who is speaking to us in order to become more efficient listeners. There are many different types of listening skills these days. We have to understand how listening works, in order to improve our listening skills and to be a more effective listener. We must be actively engaged when listening, so that we can understand what is being said. We have to make sure that we listen to verbal and non-verbal communication, in order to get the full spectrum of what is being communicated to us. Here are some common listening types: active, inactive...

Words: 2404 - Pages: 10

Premium Essay

Listening to Speeches

...Public Speaking 210-50 Informative Speech September 7, 2011 Chapter 5: Listening to Speeches Listening is an important part of the communication process. It is stated as being the active processing of the information we receive. How well you listen has a major impact on the quality of your relationships with others. Listening is a skill which everyone can benefit from improvement. A great deal of our communication process is devoted to listening. Chapter five focuses on improving your listening skills with suggestions and principles and also identifies barriers that keep people from listening at peak efficiency. In this essay, we will go over all key points and terms that will help you become an effective listener. To become an effective listener we first need to develop certain skills that can be used in stages to guide us through the process. Effective listening involves selecting, attending to, understanding, and remembering the meaning behind the message. The goal as a public speaker is to develop and deliver a speech that audience members will listen and respond to. (62) Although it seems easy, there are barriers that can hinder a speech from being received by the listener. These barriers are referred to as listening barriers. Listening barriers are created when we fail to select, attend to, or understand a message or remember what was said. (62) There are many listening barriers that can vary depending on the individual; however, the book has narrowed...

Words: 1250 - Pages: 5

Premium Essay

Effective Listening Strategies

...Effective Listening Strategies BSHS 385 April 21, 2015 Dr. Barbara Hughson Effective Listening Strategies Effective listening is an important part of the human service profession. This paper will review three articles about effective listening. For each article, I will provide a summary that includes my thoughts of the article, what was learned about effective listening, and how I can apply it to my daily life as a human service professional. I will also discuss my thoughts on how I will use these strategies and how effective they may be. The first article I read is called “Listen Carefully." This article is discussing teaching listening skills to school-aged children. Some of the research reviewed shows the importance of listening when it comes to human learning and development. Learning how to listen is the first skill in language most children will develop first. Once children begin school, listening becomes even more important because the majority of what children learn is through listening. An interesting fact to me was when McPherson (2008) stated, “Teaching listening skills to middle school at-risk readers improved their reading comprehension scores and found that listening to a story while reading the story's words also improved elementary children's reading comprehension.” (McPherson, 2008) This speaks volumes to me especially when the teaching of listening skills in the classroom is not being done today. Teachers who start teaching listening strategies have...

Words: 1228 - Pages: 5

Premium Essay

Effective Listening Skills

...Effective Listening Skills Student Name Course/Number Date Instructor Name Introduction Listening is defined by the International Listening Association as the process of receiving and constructing meaning from verbal or non verbal messages, and then offering a response (Cheesebro, O’Connor, & Rios, 2010). This implies that to offer accurate responses in various situations including during conflict resolution, one must be able to receive the information accurately through effective listening in order to draw meaning and respond to the parties in question appropriately (Shermerhon, Hunt, & Osborn, 2004). It is through effective listening to a party that one is able to grasp the intended meaning and offer a relevant response. Effective listening skills are one of the main determinants of the progress of teaching, informing, and conflict resolution. However, various factors need to be put in place to ensure that listening enhances the quality of communication among the parties involved. It requires effective coordination between the brain and the ear as well as proper concentration by the parties involved. This study presents listening strategies employed in effective conflict resolution. Listening Process The starting point is the absorption of information through the ear which is the transmitting device to the brain as indicated below. Source: Cheesebro, T., O’Connor, L., & Rios, F. (2010). For listening to occur, hearing must first take place. While...

Words: 2191 - Pages: 9

Free Essay

Effective Listening Strategies

...BSHS/385 WEEK THREE EFFECTIVE LISTENING STRATEGIES The main objective of listening is to establish empathy between the helper and client by listening to the clients words, sensing their feelings, and interpreting their thoughts. It is very important that clients know and feel that their helper is paying attention and care about the story they are telling. I have reviewed three articles that can really help me in my career when it comes to being an active and effective listener. Article one: The human side of teaching: Effective Listener. This article is very informative by offering effective listening suggestions. It suggest that professionals listen fully to clients without any interruptions. By waiting for the client to pause on speaking, giving the professional time to empathize before asking questions. This is very important to focus on the client and conversation at hand, so you’re able to give feedback to the client. Also, listen with your eyes, ears, and body. Who knew by sitting a certain way or spot would show your client that you’re giving your undivided attention and allow you to notice those non-verbal gestures or expressions. Taking notes allows you to be more engaged with any speaker and prove that you are listening effectively (Boyd, 2001). I am a strong believer of eye contact when talking with someone. Article two: The gift of listening: JUST Listening Strategies. This article discuss how listening with sensitivity is a key component when...

Words: 658 - Pages: 3