Psychology: Experimental Learning for Parents

Remembering the lullaby “Hush little baby”, I never considered what might actually happen "when the bough breaks" in real life until I found myself with a close friend one night, trying to comprehend the loss of her older brother, who had just been killed in a car accident. The circumstances required me not only to cope with my own sense of grief but also to understand and respond to the intense trauma her and her parents were experiencing. Since that night, I have considered how parents respond when a child dies. Given the complexity and gravity of individual human responses, I hope is that this paper will provide insight into my experience as well as help members of families and friends to better understand how the loss of a child affects parents and siblings while highlighting ways to provide meaningful support.
For most bereaved parents, the consequences of the death of a child cannot adequately be expressed in words. Despite extreme efforts to empathize, those who have not experienced a child's death cannot fully know what it is like. However, I have found that knowledge surrounding bereavement can provide a helpful glimpse of understanding, as well as ideas for how to respond to parents and needs when their child dies. For most people, our family defines who we are. We do not identify ourselves simply as mothers, fathers, spouses, in-laws, or grandparents, but as family members. For example, "I am not a mother of 3 children. I am a mother of Haley, Emma and Brent." A child's death challenges our sense of identity. It is best summed up by a quote I read from a bereavement scholar who stated, "The process of mourning for one's child involves not only dealing with loss of the loved child, but with the loss of part of one's self."
Parents who identify strongly with their roles as mothers or fathers often