TRAFFIC SIGNS by Eric Tutor Cabalda on Wednesday, August 25, 2010 at 4:55pm

It was so silent and dark. The silence is deafening and I have ghost bumps. The air was so cold as the breeze blow on me. Then a light shone so bright it almost blinded me. Then she came out of the light,her hands wide open, inviting me as it radiates with the light. I can hear her thoughts as she can hear mine. She was telling me to come back again and asked me to move closer to her. I ran hurriedly towards her. As I was near her, our hands almost touching together, something was pulling me back. I turned my head back, a white smoke pulled me, swallowing me. As I was engulfed by the white smoke, I was almost screaming when suddenly I was awakened by the ring of my alarm clock.
It was already 7:30 in the morning. A little bit late than my usual waking time. It is yelling at me to get up and time to prepare for another days work.
As I rose and sat at the edge of the bed, my dream flashed again. I felt thankful that it was just a dream. I was glad that I wake up and was safe. Yet, at the same time I felt I was at a loss. I could have been with her, feeling her embrace. I was too close already, she was just right infront of me. Our hands barely touching. She was there asking me to come to her.
I can't shake it off my head as I went out of the bed and went to shower. As the water splashed on me, the cold water made me explode. It was so cold. Now I am back to my senses.
As I took a glimpse at the clock hanging, it was almost eight in the morning. I need to be in the street at eight, otherwise, few minutes of delay would mean I would be late for the day.
Today is Monday, first day of the week, rush hour, busiest day of the week. I had observed, that after couple of years working, Monday is the busiest. It was already a trend I can get away with. Every Monday would be traffic, bumper to bumper, and I always get caught in traffic jams.
As I was done shower, I hurriedly dressed up. As I turn to the mirror to fix myself, I came to see the man I was trying to build and establish for years. I could see in his eyes the triumphs and defeat, the sadness and joy, the people he touched their lives with and the people who touched his life. I could see the number of years he had grown to outlive.
I noticed some few fine lines in his forehead, some scars I only came to notice now but has been there for long. Sign of growing up, sign of wisdom I thought. Fine lines that I crossed and journeyed in life.
As I watched the clock hanging at my back, I could read, even when its inverted, its ten minutes past eight in the morning. I have a habit of placing wall clocks anywhere in my house to remind me of time; that it should not be taken for granted because once it is lost you can never turn back time again.
I hurriedly went out of my room. Sam, my shitzu-poodle dog made his goodbye bark, as he usually do everytime I leave for work. I could hear him barking as I walked away and left.
I took a cab as I usually do every morning. I was fidgety as I rode away, knowing that I'm gonna be late. As I rode away, I was already worried. I must hurry up as I need to be in the office on time. As the cab approaches its first intersection, I could now feel the impulse mounting on me. I should not be late, that's what keeps on repeating in my head. I told the cab driver to find the fastest way out of the traffic. Busy Mondays sometimes is killing me.
As I sat inside the cab, in the middle of the traffic, I remembered my dream again. What does it mean. It was so nice seing her again. It was so vivid as if it was true. I came back to the time when she was still part of my life.
Time was ticking fast, though my mind wanders as it was so affected by my dream, still I was mindful of the time.I asked the driver if we can turn left at the next intersection. He told me no entry on that section.
How I wish this is over. As I sat still, somehow, someone is telling me jokingly, that I am in a very difficult situation. If I should get out of the taxi and walk, it is still far. If I should not then I would be late. Maybe the walk would be faster than to wait in the middle of the traffic. The distance might not matter anymore as what I am concerned more is the time.
But then part of me tells me to wait. Not because I am in a hopeless situation nor do I have a choice, but because I know deep inside, I will be able to get through this. Sparks of hope I guess or a slice of optimism.
As I waited and as time is ticking, I was brought to another time, another place or maybe I was in another dimension of my life. It seemed I am in the midst of a dream while wide awake. My dream earlier and the traffic might have a connection. It must have a message. Is she coming back? Or would she totally drift away from me.
When I turned my gaze at the side of the street, saw the traffic sign, “No Left Turn. One Way”. Next block, I can still clearly read the sign “No Right Turn on Red Light”
I now begin to suspect that my dream and traffic might have conspired so I can be poked. Time was now telling me that when she was still a part of me, there were so many “No left turn” or “One Way” or maybe “No Right Turn”. And most of all “No U-Turn.”
Relationship is like trafffic signs. There are times, that while driving on a straight road, for whatever headstrong reason, we wanted to turn left or right. Or wants to go back. When you love and give your commitment, it is like entering into a “no entry road” or a “one way road”. You can not allow yourself or someone into your life because simply you are into a relationship with the person you already gave your love.
Two way sign” would probably mean that when in a relationship, it is a give and take situation. Love received should be reciprocated by loving back the person. Both understands and accepts each other unconditionally.
As my mind continues to stray, I noticed two elderly couples, walking hand in hand. The husband carefully holding his wife's hands as she walks so slowly, her right hand clasping a cane. They walked slowly yet I can see from their looks that they were happy. After all, the years they've spent with each other is a reason enough to be so.
I then felt that the best traffic signs is not written nor posted in the streets or in the walls most of the time. I realized that traffic signs are not just for vehicles, but for us humans as well. That the Life's signs has to be posted in our heart and mind.
Give way” is perhaps the best traffic sign there is. When things seemed shaky and obscure, just give way. When the love for each other is slowly fading away or has lost its luster, there is not turning back as there is no “U-Turn” in relationship. What is best is to give way when life seemed to be so emotionally traffic. When you can no longer distinguish between destiny and fate, just “Give Way”.
Give way, let go... if it would mean happiness to the other despite how greiving you will become. If holding on does no good anymore and is not healthy anymore for one or both of you as you can feel that love is drifting away, then let go. Be the first to give way.
In that way, you will learn later, that the act of giving way preserved the good relationship you once have. That you left each others embrace in good terms, remaining in friendship and treasuring its memories.
As I am so wrapped with so many thoughts, I didn't noticed the cab was already moving and fast approaching my destination. Sometimes, we are so engrossed at so many things that we forget that we are journeying and the travel would have been enjoyable had we remained focused. We are so focused on life's' miseries that we tend to forget our joys and happy moments.
Traffic jams are there so we can re-evaluate our life, our stand, our commitments, are priorities; whether to go on or to stop, to turn left or to turn right, while it is too early for much pain our circumstances might give.
The cab now approached the last turn. As I was about to stop, my phone vibrated, a message arrived. As I take a look at it, a message from “her” . A simple morning greetings.
I sighed as I stepped out of the cab, and the thought continues to ring in my head, “GIVE WAY”.
Somehow, this is the most unusual MONDAY I have in my entire life.