Example Speeches - Grooms Speech #1

On behalf of my wife and I, we'd like to thank you all for coming here today and sharing our special day with us. There are times when it's good to be surrounded by people who are important to you, and for us this is one of those occasions. We hope that you're enjoying it every bit as much as we are and we'd like to thank you for your kind wishes cards, presents and support.
We must say we've been really impressed by the number of people that have rallied round to help us in preparation for today, if you're not mentioned by name and that's most of you, please be assured that Kate and I are very grateful.
David and Maggie, thank you not only for your hospitality this evening and your kindness, but for also giving me your very beautiful daughter. I promise I'll take good care of her and of course do everything she tells me to, even if it involves golf! I must confess I did actually try it a while ago, and during one lesson with the local pro I asked him whether he had seen any improvement since my last lesson. And he said “er… yup, that's a much better haircut”.
So Maggie, we have a present here for you.
I also want to say thank you to my parents who put up with me for all these years, you have both been there for me when I've needed you and given me a wonderful start in life and I'm very fortunate and proud to have you as my mum and dad. I've a present for you here Mum, as a thank you.
I can imagine that Neil, my best man is getting impatient to make his speech soon. Now many people don't know that Neil suffers from a rare medical condition which causes him to invent fanciful stories. He really does believe these stories to be true and I thank you for humouring him during his speech.
I am absolutely delighted to be able stand here today with Kate, I never knew what was missing in my life before I met her. Kate has been a t source of friendship, support and love. Of course I've no doubt that she is going to tell me afterwards that the only thing missing in my life at the moment is golf, although I am still waiting for her to explain the attraction to a game that consists of a lot of walking, broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic.
And finally, the bridesmaids, thanks for calming Kate nerves and helping in her preparation today. I'd also like thank you for getting her to the church in one piece and on time, you’ve done a brilliant job. We have a small gift for each of you as a token of our appreciation.
Well, that's it from me for now, but, before I pass you over to my best man, Ladies and Gentlemen, please stand and lift your glasses and join me in a toast to bridesmaids...

Example Speeches - Grooms Speech #2
Ladies and Gentlemen: I would like to thank Steve for those sincere words and both Bobbie and Steve for the love that they have both shown me, not only in preparation for today, but from the first moment that we met some two and a half years ago.
I don’t know who was more surprised that first night when Marcella brought me home without warning, when they were sitting there all ready for bed in their satin bath robes and Steve in his Snoopy slippers.
Anyway, quickly moving on, I did have a speech all worked out for this occasion, but, of course, now that I’m a married man, Marcella has insisted that I read from the one that she has written for me.
So here goes:
On behalf of my wife and I…I suppose I’m going to have to get used to that, I would like to start by thanking everyone here today for sharing our very special day with us. Thank-you for all the wonderful gifts and cards that you have given us, we are very touched at your generosity. I’m certainly looking forward to seeing how Steve has managed to gift-wrap the Wheelbarrow!
We have both been very nervous about today and it means a great deal to us that you are sharing our day with us, and we hope that you are enjoying the occasion every bit as much as we are.
Most people on their wedding day describe it as the happiest day of their lives. That worries me because it implies that as from tomorrow there’s a lifelong decline ahead, so I’m making the most of today. However, I’m so happy today that even days less happy would still be blissful.
I would like to say a special thank-you to those of you that have travelled some distance to be here today. It is quite a humbling experience to realise that you have friends and family that care so much for you. And I do genuinely mean that.
Bobbie & Steve
Bobbie & Steve I would like to thank you so much everything you have done and for welcoming me so openly into your family.
I feel very proud to be able to say that I am your son-in-law and will always do my best to live up to your expectations and promise to take care of Marcella…and of course do everything she tells me to do…
…now I’m not saying she’s bossy…but I know my place!
The whole day and everything else you have given us has been so overwhelming. We never expected all of this and you have both made us feel very special. I’m sure everyone will agree what a fantastic day it has been so far – even the weather has been on our side.

And, most importantly for giving me your blessing to marry your beautiful daughter. I hope that you don’t feel that you’ve lost a daughter, but have gained another mouth to feed and someone to clean up after.
By the way Steve, I have not forgotten. I’ll sign the receipt for you. Steve has written out a receipt for me. It says:
Received one daughter in perfect condition, fully guaranteed, fully warranteed. Comes complete with extras. Keep topped up with expensive jewellery, and lubricate well with fine wines. Service regularly…oh no sorry I missed a bit…service regularly with lavish trips to exotic and far away places…you really must make your writing more clear!
Warning: has a tendency to get irritable if doesn’t have the final say on EVERYTHING.
Care notes: gets bored easily, keep busy with a constant supply of chores.
Not to be outdone though my mum has written out a receipt for Marcella. It reads:
Received one son, sold as seen, no refunds under any circumstances. We’ve re-decorated the room and changed the locks, so you’re stuck with him.
Warning: the slight discolouration is dirt, which may come off with vigorous scrubbing.
Care notes: de-hydrates easily, top up regularly with red wine.
Mum & Den
I also want to say a special thank-you to my mum & Den.
Mum you have been there for me constantly. To have brought Mark, Richard and myself up on your own as you did in our younger days, with so much love, care and guidance has made you not only an amazing person but also my best friend. I am very fortunate and proud to have you as my mum. During my teenage years, Den you gave my mum everything she deserved and became an amazing father figure.
I would like to thank you both for the advice you have given me, for putting up with me and for pointing me in the right direction…usually only to watch me go off and do exactly the opposite, of course…but that’s what sons are for and do best.
And for welcoming Marcella into the family with open arms and for supporting her as much as you do. Mum, don’t worry I will still come round to see you…and at the same time get you to cook a meal, wash my laundry, and generally leave a mess behind…so nothing really changes!
Mum, Den, Bobbie & Steve you have been a huge help with the house. I am not sure we could have done it without you. Richard & Suzy you know that we owe you so much for the support and help when we moved in. I just hope that in the happiness of our marriage we can repay some of what you have done for us.
It is at this point that I would like to give some flowers to both our mums, for being two very inspirational figures in Marcella & my life. And may I just add that you both look beautiful today.

[Present flowers]
Marcella
As some of you know there is an age gap between Marcella and I…although as a gentleman I will not tell you exactly how much younger I am. For our first official date…I say the first official date as we are not counting the midnight Chinese restaurant in Soho where we drank wine from a teapot with Tony & Carol. We would have counted it but none of us can remember any more than that…and Marcella has asked me not to mention the fact that I invited eleven people into our hotel room the next morning to say hello. So without telling you any of that…our first official date was to a lovely restaurant in Essex where I spent two and a half hours on the phone to another woman. Guys…you’ve either got it or you haven’t…ouch…no seriously I thought that I would put the relationship to the test and all I can say is that she came through with top marks. I came through it with marks as well but that’s another story
Marcella you have stood by me through a lot of decisions since we got together. You agreed to make me the happiest man in the world today and have a natural way that makes every day a joy to be with you.
I know that I told you earlier but I want everyone to know how beautiful you look today. Your dress is stunning and you really do look like a little princess. You really have made me the happiest and proudest man alive today by saying ‘I will’ and I can’t wait to tell everyone that you are now Mrs Lord, at every opportunity. I don’t have to hope that our future together will be a happy one…I know it will be, because every day I wake to find that I love Marcella twice as much as the day before. As Marcella will tell you – I’m often wrong, but in marrying Marcella, I know I’ve made the right decision. Thank-you, darling.
The Ushers
I want to say a thank-you to Tim & Dave for agreeing to be our Ushers and in doing such a great job for us today. You have taken a lot of the worry out of the jobs that needed doing and have done everything that we need.
The Best Man
I am going to struggle to put this next part of my speech into words. There is someone else in this room that I love as dearly as my wife…and that is Michael. Mike, Daddy is so proud of you and loves you so much. I cannot thank-you enough for agreeing to be one of my two Best Men today. You have given me so much joy and happiness and I want to reassure you that both Marcella and I will be there for you whenever you need us.
I remember the day that Daddy took you to school and asked you whether you would mind if Daddy asked Marcella to marry him. You told me that it would be ‘Really Cool’ and gave me a big hug. Well…it might have only been a few hours but I agree…it is ‘really cool’.

It is an amazing feeling knowing how well you and Marcella get on and I know how much you both love each other. I too love you with all my heart and both Marcella and I will try and give you the same support and guidance that we have had from our families. You are always going to be special in my eyes and that will never change.
And if Uncle Steve has given you any story’s to tell about you Dad then you’d better forget them quick.
Oh dear…that brings me onto the other best man. Well…the best I could get at short notice. Thirty years of pain and misery he has caused me. He handed me a whole script of nice wonderful comments that I should tell you about him. Unfortunately, all this did was reinstate my belief of the fact that he is a compulsive liar and anything that he tells you should not be believed for one moment.
I will confirm that he was in a different reform school to that of myself… so he knows nothing of the truth that went on in my childhood.
He was only on day release during our teens and was back under lock and key before dusk…so he knows nothing of my underage drinking habits. Oops sorry mum!
The Scrubs have been his home for the last fifteen years following the discovery that he is an absolute wiz at being able to forge photographic evidence. He would never have been found out had it not been for the fact that someone spotted his head on the new £20 notes instead of the Queen.
Well hopefully that leave you with nothing left to say…if not I’m sorry Mum, Den, Bobbie, Steve, Michael and Marcella can you leave the room now.
Seriously, both Michael and Steve, I could not think of anyone I would rather be Best Man (Men) for my wedding…no seriously I couldn’t…I tried…but they were all booked.
You are have both affected my life in such positive ways and for that I am hugely in you debt.
Marcella & I would like to show our appreciation for everything you have done today and in the build up to the wedding and have a small gift for you both.
[Present gifts]
Now before I finish and ask you to join me in a toast, I believe that my lovely wife would like to gatecrash these speeches and say a few words.
[Marcella’s speech]
Bridesmaids
Thank-you darling.
I would like to bring my speech towards a close by saying a very special thank-you to Francesca & Charlotte, our lovely bridesmaids.
I am sure you will all agree on how beautiful they look and I will always treasure the picture in my mind of you both entering the room with Marcella and walking down the aisle. Both Marcella & I would like you to know that your earrings and necklaces are a token of our appreciation for everything you have done today.
On that note, I would like to propose a toast to the bridesmaids so would you all be upstanding…and raise your glasses and join us as we toast…Francesca & Charlotte.

It''s now time for the bridegroom''s speech.
It''s the part of the day I have dreaded, but convention decrees I must do it.
It''s the price that you pay to get wedded.
Conventional speeches are boring
I can''''t think of much that is worse
So I''''ve decided to flout convention
And deliver this speech all in verse
To assist you in keeping awake
And staying quite fully alert
I intend this speech to resemble
An extremely short mini skirt
Just long enough to cover
The things that I''d like revealing
But short enough to attract
Your attention because it''s appealing
I''ll keep this speech very short
And I trust you''ll not find that I''m wrong
As King Henry VIII said to his wives
I shall not be keeping you long.
Well the wait to get wed is now over
Our day has arrived at last
The planning is finished - it all went OK
But how did the time go so fast
All you guests have so kindly gathered
To witness the events of today
And I find myself feeling nervous
About making a speech in this way
My nerves have been jangling this morning
My stomachs been churning away
Because making a speech in public
Is not something you do every day
It''s not the first time today I assure you
That I''ve needed to rise from my seat
With some sheets of paper in my hand
And a feeling that all''s not complete
My task is now to express our thanks
On behalf of myself and my wife
And the biggest thanks are due to you all
For sharing this day in our life
With special thanks to those friends
Who''ve come here from so far away
We are delighted to have you here with us
It has really made our day
A conventional bridegrooms speech
Would thank our parents and my best man
But since we don''t have either
I''ll fill in as best as I can
I''m sure if my parents were here
They would be delighted to witness this day
I''d like to think Libby''s would too
And be pleased at not having to pay
With the formal ceremony now complete
At last we are husband and wife
To love and cherish but not obey
Each day for the rest of our life
You can''t imagine how happy it''s made me
It is truly a wonderful thing
And I''m feeling oh so very proud
To be wearing this wedding ring.
I''m told that a secret of marriage
And for us men a good rule of thumb
Is whenever you''re wrong just admit it
And on the rare times your right just stay shtum
The photos being taken today
I am finding a bit of a strain
It''s tough when you''re a wrinkly like me
To keep smiling again and again
But the photos will help us remember
All you friends who gave up your time
To spend this wedding day with us
And be subjected to this awful rhyme
I think that Libby looks stunning
The bridesmaids look fabulous too
They make me feel quite under dressed
Even though my suit is quite new
Libby arranged all the flowers
And planned how the ladies be dressed
I have to admit it was worth it
And I trust that like me you''re impressed
The stones with your names on the tables
We collected from a beach in Spain
Libby wanted to do something different
Which she does again and again
I guess that you all know our history
And the unusual way that we met
It began when we found each other
On a site on the internet
We then exchanged some Emails
But quickly got frustrated by that
So we decided to jump in the deep end
And we met for some lunch and a chat
We met at the Plough near Bewdley
On May 16th Two Thousand and Eight
We got on so well - it was clear to me
This lady could seal my fate
But I honestly never expected
Such a major change in my life
And that a year to the very day later
That Libby would be my wife
To me Libby is beautiful
She''s understanding, gentle and smart
With a lovely sweet caring nature
That truly touches your heart
She''s all that a man could wish for
A partner that''s truly exciting
I could go on and on with such plaudits
But I just cannot read Libby''s writing
Joking apart - on a serious note
I just meant every last word
And I''m now about to repeat it
To make sure that everyone heard
To me Libby is beautiful
She''s understanding, gentle and smart
With a lovely sweet caring nature
That truly touches my heart
She''s all that I could wish for
A partner that''s truly exciting
They''re not Libby''s - they are my words
And it''s definitely in my writing
So now that I''ve made it quite clear
That my words were what I meant
It''s time for a toast - so please be upstanding
All of you ladies and gents
PEOPLE STAND
Now I trust that my lovely Libby
Will not feel uncomfortably coy
When we all drink a toast -
TO LIBBY - MY NEW BRIDE AND JOY.
THE TOAST
It''s not just a wife that I''ve gained but a loving family for free
And I am truly grateful for the way
You have warmly welcomed me
So special thanks to all of you
Birmingham City fans
Back in our villa your lovely mom
Is in safe and caring hands
We deferred the date of the wedding
Until after the end of the season
When Birmingham City weren''t playing
And it was done for a very good reason
Just imagine the gnashing of teeth
If Blues were at home on the day
So we decided to avoid any conflict
And the chance of you playing away
Thanks go to Joolz for his music
That''s alive and not out of a can
We always enjoy his performances
In fact Libby''s his number one fan
Thanks also are due to the Grimstock
For the excellent service today
They made the day go so smoothly
And they kept all the gremlins away
Thank you all for making this day
One we will surely remember
It was last October we got engaged
And began planning this day in December
But the work and planning was worth it
The pleasure has been extensive
May our future days be as happy
But hopefully less expensive
Now that the wedding is over
We''re going away for a week
To the island of Madeira
Some sun and leisure to seek
We will remember this day with affection
A pleasure to recall
It''s been great to share it with you
Thank you one and all.

Distinguished guests, guests of no particular distinction, relatives young and old, friends, freeloaders, hangers on, gypsies, tramps, thieves and anyone else who may have wandered in, you are all about to witness a unique event in history. The very first and very last time that my wife is going to let me speak on behalf of both of us. However, it is a privilege and an honour to do so. I just hope that, so soon into our married life, I don’t let Sue down .
My speech today will be like a mini-skirt. Long enough to cover the essentials but short enough to hold your attention! To be honest I didn’t really know where to start so I thought I’d trawl the internet. After a couple of hours I‘d found some really, really good stuff. But then I remembered that I was supposed to be writing a speech. Before I start, there will be plenty of toasts over the next few minutes so please make sure that your glasses are charged.
Firstly, we’d like to thank Philip for his kind words and good wishes. And to thank him for paying for this lovely reception …(pause and look at him) What? I thought you said…….No I’m only joking – you don’t need to find the key for the padlock on your wallet!
It’s lovely to see so many of our family and friends here today to help us celebrate the happiest day of our lives. I know that some of you have travelled a long way to be here and that means a lot to us. It really wouldn’t be the same without you all. It’d be a darned sight cheaper, but that’s not the point. Thank you all for your very generous gifts, and a special thanks to those of you who have given cheques. No, we really are grateful for those, especially as we’ll be using the details on the cheques to set up direct debits paying our bills for years to come. Who said that identity fraud is a bad idea?
Unfortunately, it’s not been possible to have everyone we love here with us today, but we know they’re here with us in spirit and they’re not only in our thoughts today, but more importantly they’re with us in our hearts. So, with them in mind, would you please all stand, raise your glasses, and join me in a toast to absent family & friends.
(To absent family and friends)
I’d also like to sincerely thank Sue’s mum and dad, Val and Peter, for making me feel like the son they never wanted – sorry, the son they never had, right from day two. Day one was a bit rough, but I *think* they’re over it now. Her brothers, too, have never made me feel anything other than welcome and I thank them for that.

It can be very difficult when two families come together but we have been extremely lucky. Sue’s children, Philip and Emma, have welcomed me into their family and my children, Molly and Emily, have welcomed Sue into theirs. We all get on so well, and that is a rare thing indeed. And something that has been made possible by all of our children. So I’d like to propose a toast to Philip, Emma, Molly and Emily.
(To Philip, Emma, Molly and Emily)
My Dad has helped me enormously over the years and has seen me through thick and thin. Mainly thick, if I’m being honest but he’s been there for me and I hope that I have done him proud. I really couldn’t have asked for a better father and I thank you for everything that you have done, not just for me but for me and my wife. Thank you.
There is an unwritten rule of wedding etiquette that states that nobody should look more handsome than the groom and I’d like to thank our ushers Steve and Peter for sticking to that rule to the letter. They have both lent an air of ‘nightclub bouncer respectability’ to their roles and I particularly admired the way they searched the ladies’ handbags and frisked the men as they came in with such discretion and subtlety. I’m not quite sure that saying “You’ll sit where you’re ruddy well put” was really in the spirit of the day, but we’ll let that pass. Thanks to both of you.
I have known Richard, my Best Man, for nearly seventeen years now and throughout that time he has been there for me when it matters and is always ready with an encouraging word, and a welcome bottle of Rioja when things are going badly. And, if I’m being honest, when things are going well. I’d like to thank him for all his help in organizing the stag do, and for creating the table plan for us. But, most importantly I’d like to thank him for being a true friend. However, there is something that I need to make you aware of. Rich suffers from a strange condition that occasionally causes him to drift in and out of weird, strange flights of fantasy. He has been known to make up fanciful stories, absolutely believing them to be true. Anyway, it’s only right that I advise you all of this ahead of his speech. As I say, he is a true friend and I wouldn’t want you to go upsetting him, so if you could bear with him, even join with him on his journey of make believe, I would appreciate it.
Apart from my wife, there are three other beautiful ladies here today. Sue’s daughter Emma and my daughters, Molly and Emily. We’d like to thank them very much for being such wonderful bridesmaids. So, please stand and join me in a toast to the bridesmaids.
(To the bridesmaids!)
Finally, I would like to thank my wife – I think I’m going to enjoy getting used to saying that – for agreeing to marry me and for making me the happiest man in the world. I think you’ll agree that she looks absolutely gorgeous today and when she walked up the aisle, she took my breath away.
They say you don't marry someone you can live with - you marry the person who you can’t live without and I think that sums us up perfectly. Now if I had to single out one thing about why I love Sue so much, it would be the fact that she makes me happier than I ever dreamed I could be. And I intend to spend the rest of my life making sure that the reverse is also true. I know that Sue has put a huge amount of effort into making today perfect and I think that she has done that, and more. Having lived with Sue for a couple of years now, I have learned a valuable lesson – when I’m wrong, admit it. When I’m right, keep quiet! Seriously though, I never have a problem finding the words to express my love for Sue, but if I start then I probably won’t be able to stop. Suffice to say that, Sue, I love you so much and I can’t wait to grow old with you. Ladies and gentlemen, please stand and raise your glasses to my wife, Sue.
(To Sue!)
Now, I’m not going to stand here all afternoon and bore you all with a load of stale old jokes. That’s the Best Man’s job! So, without further ado, I’d like to hand over to Richard.

Good Afternoon everyone
Someone once said that a good speech has a good beginning and a good ending, and a great speech keeps both of those close together!! So today I promise to keep this speech as short as possible. However just in case I ramble on a bit too long then I must make you aware of the emergency exits in the room, which are located at the bottom of the stairs and behind my left shoulder. Also in case of anymore rain today lifejackets are available underneath your seats!!!!!!
On behalf of Elizabeth and myself, I would like to start with a big thank you to everyone here today. Thank you all for choosing to share today with us. We are delighted and touched to see you all here and thanks so much for all the wonderful gifts. It wouldn’t be as special a day if it wasn’t for all our friends and family being here, so again a big thank you.
Unfortunately there are a few people who cannot be here with us today. My Uncle Wallace who is too ill to attend, we wish him a speedy recovery. Elizabeth’s friend Joyce who was coming from Australia, but decided against travelling due to recent troubles and was very disappointed to have to make that decision, as we were too, and our good friends Emma and Jim who are currently travelling somewhere in New Zealand!!! I did try and negotiate a live video link to New Zealand with BT on the basis that they should do it out of all the profits they have made from phone calls between Elizabeth and her sister Rachael over the years but sadly they refused!!!!
I’d personally like to thank Maurice, Barbara, Rachel, Nic, Hannah and Isobel for making me feel so welcome, right from the very first moment I met them. I feel immensely fortunate to have married into such a lovely family. To Maurice and Barbara thanks for all your help and support in making today possible, without that help and support, today would not be the dream day it is. On behalf of Elizabeth thank you to Barbara, Maurice and Rachel for all your love and support and the good times spent together as a very close family.
It is at this point that I am supposed to thank my parents for putting up with me through my teenage years!!! But they are so long ago now that I really cannot remember if I was difficult or not. But being a parent is more than just being supportive through the early years, sometimes they are needed in later life as well!! So thanks Mom and Dad for all your incredible love and support over many years and for instilling in me, whatever it is that convinced Elizabeth that she wanted to marry me; on that score alone, you should be justifiably proud of yourselves, I am certainly proud to have you as my parents.
To both our mums, we have a little thank you from both of us. (Flowers to mums)
Thanks to David and Oliver for being our ushers today and to Oliver for wearing the suit, Although doing that has made me realise that perhaps this style of suit was designed with a younger slimmer build in mind!!! Thanks to Graham and Neil for providing the luxury car service and for getting Elizabeth here on time, which is a first!!!! Thanks also to Rachel for putting together all of the favours you see in front of you, and resisting tucking into them as she packed them.
A big thank you to Peggy and Nic who did the readings today. If anyone has ever done a reading at an occasion like this then you will know that it’s not an easy thing to do. The readings were excellent and we could not be more delighted.
Our thanks to Holdsworth house for putting on a great occasion, and thanks to our magician (Chris) who is bravely keeping a few of the younger ones occupied in the tower right now. I am sure if you cross his palm with some silver he may be persuaded to keep them in the tower for a bit longer, or even to magic them into guaranteed perfect behaviour for the next 12 months!!!!!!
Talking of magic, something magical happened to me on March 30th 2002. My dearest wish in life was granted when Elizabeth came into my life. We first met in the car park of the Grey Ox pub in Clifton, and to my eternal shame the first thing I said to her was how much I admired her car!!!!!! A typically boyish thing to do I now realise, but all I could think of at the time, when tongue tied and faced with such a beautiful woman. But somehow that night I seemed to drag myself back into contention and to my surprise, hours later she was still talking to me and actually seemed to be enjoying it!!!! That night was a very special night which left me floating on air, I knew straight away that Elizabeth was special and I was not wrong, she is a beautiful woman in every way and I still have that floating on air feeling after all this time. So I have a huge thank you to make.
Thank you Elizabeth for marrying me. I have so much to thank you for, I love you with all of my heart and I am devoted to you. You look absolutely stunning today, but then, you look absolutely stunning to me everyday. They do say that today will be the happiest day of our lives, which does somehow intimate that it’s downhill from here!!!! But with you I have no doubt that everyday will be just as happy as this one.
Well nobody has made a break for the exits yet and with just a couple more thank you’s to make I might just get away with it!!!!!!
And now I move on to a great friend and my best man Shane. Shane thanks for agreeing to be my best man. My friends here from work will know that recently Shane was promoted to the higher executive ranks of Diageo and as a result now has to work nearly a full week instead of the 3 days he used to get away with!!! I know that the change of job has put a lot of pressure on his time recently, but he has always been available and enthusiastic about all the best man duties and I have really appreciated that. The stag golf weekend he organised was superb even though I still bear the scars from the impromptu football match that took place whilst slightly under the influence of alcohol!!! So thanks again Shane everything has gone to plan so far and I could not be more delighted.
Of course there is one more best man duty to fulfil when you come on next and I await that with much trepidation!!!!
I must mention at this point that Shane does suffer from a rare medical complaint, which makes him prone to telling tall stories that he totally believes to be true. So please bear that in mind when he makes his speech!!!! I read recently that a little known tradition at weddings, is that the Groom should always look more handsome than the best man. On that note I would just like to thank Shane for making such an effort to uphold that tradition!!!! Okay cheap shots but I do think the world of this guy and I am just trying to even up the verbal exchange ahead of the battering I am about to take.
But not yet as I have one more lot of thanks to make. A big thank you to our lovely Bridesmaids, Charlotte, Sarah and Hannah. You all look truly beautiful today, and you have all played a big part in making this the dream day it has turned out to be. I can’t put into words just how proud we are of you all. As a small token of our appreciation and something to remember the day by, we would like you to give you the jewellery bought for today with our love and thanks.
Well that’s all from me you will be pleased to here, but before I hand over to Shane.
Ladies and Gentlemen please be upstanding.
I would like to propose a toast to the Bridesmaids.

Distinguished guests, guests of no particular distinction, relatives young and old, friends, freeloaders, hangers on, gypsies, tramps and thieves and any one else who may have wandered in (to get out of the rain –if it’s raining) on behalf of my wife and I... or as I prefer to call her "my most recent ex-girlfriend", welcome to our wedding breakfast. I hope you're all enjoying yourselves on this special day. It’s great to see you all and I can honestly say it would not have been the same without you. It would have been a lot cheaper without you, but that's beside the point.
I recently read somewhere that a survey had been conducted of things that people fear most, and top of that list above things like spiders and heights, was the fear of standing up and making a speech in public.
I'm no different, suffice to say that this isn't the first time today I've risen from a warm seat with a piece of paper in my hand.
In the course of my preparations for today I read somewhere that a successful speech has both a good beginning and a good ending but that a truly great speech is one that keeps both of these very close together. Unfortunately, (show thick pile of papers and pause…….) No this is not my speech – it’s Anita’s list of things I can and cannot do now that we’re married.
Before I start I have to ask... Do you like my outfit?... I said to the tailor I wanted something in the style of Tommy Hilfiger…..unfortunately he thought I said Western Gunslinger. I’ve had to leave the six-guns at the shop ‘cause the police are a bit funny about that sort of thing where I’m concerned.
We have been planning this wedding for some months now, although it seems like a lifetime. Well, I say "we", really Anita did all the work, I just agreed to sort out the weather (if hot add: and might I say a good job has been done it wasn’t easy but nevertheless I made it hot today) (If cold add: And I even got that wrong.)
Of course this doesn’t explain WHY it has taken us so long to get married. Well, outside church today, I was talking to one of Anita’s friends and she told me that, according to Anita, it’s all about maturity. She had asked Anita why we were getting married now, after all this time, and her response was this……..
“Men are like a fine wine. They all start out as grapes. Its our job to stamp on them and then keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with…..
They say you don't marry someone you can live with - you marry the person who you cannot live without which is very true with Anita, and while looking forward and preparing myself for today I wasn't prepared enough for when I saw her walk down the aisle radiant with sheer elegance, grace and beauty. I was overwhelmed to say the least by how beautiful Anita looked this afternoon. I feel so proud and honoured to be married to her.
I met Anita all those years ago outside The Swallow at Thurnby. Thanks to Julie over there (point) for introducing us. As some of you know there is something of an age difference between Anita and I although I am a gentleman so I won't tell you exactly how much younger I am.
Now just to clear up a possible cause of confusion. Even those who have known me for many years will not have realised that I have a rather unusual middle name, spelt O-I-Y-E. Anita found this out and tends to call me by that so if you hear her shout “OI” you’ll know it’s me she’s referring to.
We'd like to thank my new brother-in-law David for his kind words and good wishes. And to thank him for paying for this lovely reception …(pause and look at him) What? I thought you said…….No I’m only joking – you don’t need another padlock for your wallet. But seriously, thanks to the White house and their staff for a delicious and beautiful meal.
Talking of "delicious & beautiful" (pause - look briefly towards bride then….) our usher Fraser is neither, but didn’t he do a great job today. I felt he lent a certain nightclub doorman respectability to the whole occasion and I admired the way he searched the ladies handbags and frisked all the men going into the church with such discretion and subtlety. Thank you Fra.
There is an unwritten rule at weddings that no-one should look nearly as beautiful as the bride nor as handsome as the groom. I am pleased to say that I have certainly had no competition on that score from the usher or best man.
Speaking of the Best Man, I'd like to thank Pete for agreeing to be my Best Man. Most of you won't know him, but we've been close now for around 20 years, and in that time he has proven to be and I hope will continue to be a great friend. I got to know him really well some years ago when he asked if he could move in with me “for a couple of weeks while his mortgage was sorted out”. I thought he was being optimistic and that it would probably be at least three or four weeks. When he finally did move out SIX MONTHS LATER we were still the greatest of friends and have continued to be….But of course that could all change in the next few minutes when HE starts speaking. Let me assure you in advance that all the good stuff's true but anything else is pure fiction.
(Best Man and Usher’ gifts)
Pete, Anita and I have a small token of our appreciation here, for both you and Fraser
We'd like to thank you for all the support given to the bride today, as well as the other kind of support offered at the hen do, which was apparently quite a lewd and raucous affair. I gather the News of the World is doing an expose on it so the rest of you can read about it next Sunday.
We’d also like to thank you for all your generous gifts. Anita is looking forward to boosting Debenham’s rating on the Stock Exchange when she spends them all. But most of all we want to thank you for blending in so well with the tablecloths.
On a serious note, some family and friends haven't been able to make it here today for various reasons, particularly Canon Alan Green who is very ill, so they're in our thoughts as I'm sure we're in theirs. As you are probably aware, both Anita’s and my parents have passed on but I would just like to take a moment to thank them in their absence for the upbringing that they gave us and the love and values that they instilled in us.
Lastly we would also like to say a special thanks to my son Nick and his girlfriend Jen who will be cat sitting for us while we're away on our honeymoon. Quite an onerous task if you know Anita’s cats.

It is customary for the groom to propose a toast to the bridesmaids but Anita decided she didn’t want any (tight sod) so I would like to break with tradition and propose an alternative toast. You are all aware of our problems over the last few years and one of my biggest worries, especially when I was “down South”, so to speak, was that my two children, Michelle and Nick would go off the rails. I’m pleased to say that they didn’t and they’ve both made us so proud of their achievements so I’d like to propose my toast to them….Michelle and Nick.
Very few of you will know, but I am an erstewhile poet, when the mood takes me. Anita has always complained that I have never written a poem for her, so I will today amend that omission. It’s called Wedding Day
WEDDING DAY
The waiting is over, the day’s here at last,
The planning is finished, it’s all gone so fast,
The church is resplendent with colourful flowers.
The bells are all ringing from up in the tower,
The guests are arriving, the kids look so sweet,
There’s an air of excitement as each takes their seat.
The bridegroom is nervous, as is the Best man,
Palms sweating, hands shaking, their complexions are wan,
The vicar is waiting, then the organ starts loud,
The bride has arrived, not that late, as she’d vowed
A vision of beauty, so radiant, so light,
I scarce can recall such a beautiful sight.
Then we’re standing together, both with love in our heart.
Pledging love to each other ‘til death do us part.
The service is finished, now we’re husband and wife,
To love and to cherish the rest of our life.
Then photos, confetti, the bells ring again,
With so many photos the smiling’s a strain,
Then we’re here at the breakfast, a jolly affair,
Good food, wine, and speeches and toasts in the air.
And then it’s all over, and all the goodbyes
The guests are all waving, some with tears in their eyes.
As we’re off for our honeymoon, the end of that day
All that mad frantic planning, but it all went ok,
But the lasting result, and what could be sweeter,
Is now I am married to my darling Anita.
Thank you (sit down