| What I Have Become | Sandtron Leon Harrell | | | |

Approaching the end of my Fall Semester of 2011 I had accomplished one of the greatest things in my life. I had become a member Omega Psi Phi Fraternity Incorporated. All was well and I felt as though there was not too much else for me to conquer. Then as the semester drew to a close being advised and selecting classes for the Spring Semester began to be advertised all over myUWG. So to rid myself of all the irksome alerts of West Georgia I went and got advised. While selecting my classes my advisor brought up Personal Relationships. When I first heard it the first two things I thought were “my girlfriend took that class” and “she said it was easy.” So with me being the collegiate student I am I decided I would take it. I figured why not I’m in a personal relationship I should be able to relate. The first day of class was definitely not what I expected. I did not know that my teacher would look, think and talk like a student! From then on I knew that this was class was going to have the biggest impact on me, the way I thought, the way I talked, the way I evaluated relationships and how I looked at my life’s up and downs all together we’re going to change in due time. From the time I got advised up to the first day of class I honestly thought that this was just going to be another class. When in reality it wasn’t just another class, it was going to be THE class. From January 10, 2012 and so on, my life would make a distinctive turn, for the better. And with this turn came the reminder said by Frederick Douglass “if there is no struggle, there is no progress” (Douglass, 1857). I came into this class as Sandtron Leon Harrell flaws and all. I have things to work on as well as the next man, or woman. However in order for this class to help me in the way that I knew it could I had to realize that I’m not alone. This epiphany arose the day of the Fears Exercise. In this exercise everyone was asked to write down a fear, fold it up, and place it in a green bag. From this bag everyone would randomly draw out a fear, read it, and put themselves in the persons fear and add on to it. This was by far the best exercise we did as a class. But in relation to me, this exercise made me realize that I had no room to complain about my problems, especially the fear I had written down. There were people in the classroom alone who I knew 110 percent sure that are dealing internally with far worse than me. I felt so ungrateful, so dumb and lazy. I immediately said that my fear shouldn’t have been a fear at all. I still feel that today. I say all this to say this. You have problems, and so do everyone else, but when you open your eyes and see that you have it great compared to some, you should be a million times more thankful and do your best to continue to have something to be thankful for. Anybody can yell there problems, only a select few can approach them with a straight face, open heart, and welcoming soul. When we started Fromm’s The Art of Loving I automatically thought that it was going to critique me to a T, and I was right. Fromm pointed out things about me both good and bad, but being the optimistic person I am, I was able to see far more good than bad. One thing that just made me light up was how he talked about respect. Fromm said that “to respect a person is not possible without knowing him” (Fromm, 1956 26). This holds true and I can prove it in an instance of my life that still till this day blows me away. The love I have for my LB (Line Brother) Branden Brownlee is no were near measurable. When I pledged for my fraternity, me and Branden became joined at the hip. He was the leader of our line which we call the Ace and I was right behind him making me the Deuce. No one knows the trials and tribulations we may have went through but WE know and that’s all that matters. He did things for me that some of my own family wouldn’t do and haven’t done and probably never will. People see us together and think we’ve known each other our whole lives. But what a lot of people don’t know is that when we first met there was anger in the environment and we were both hostile with one another. And I walked away from the situation that day thinking “this guy is an asshole.” That was easy for me to say because I didn’t respect him and that was because I didn’t know him. Now I do know him. I know so much about him that it’s scary. From where he is at every waking moment to what he’s thinking! I can honestly say I would take a bullet for him. No questions asked. I love him more than anything, and he knows that. This is what Fromm meant by what it takes to respect someone. To do this you must know them and when you know them enough to respect them you know them more than enough to love them. They all go hand in hand. It’s safe to say that respect needs knowledge and knowledge brings love. People hear love and automatically think that it has to be between a male and a female. These are the people who also think that men can’t cry, women can’t play sports, and men aren’t supposed to cook, clean, or rear a child. While we’re on the basis of love, I’d like to talk about how I had to reevaluate my perception of love. I thought love was simply a word that had to be used in order to establish validity. After pacing through this class and seeing other people’s perspective on love, I came to this conclusion; Love is being able to put yourself aside, let someone else in your given space in time and love them the exact same way if not more than you do yourself. I did this with my Ace, and from what I’ve established it is certain. With that being said I don’t love many people deeply and truly as I do Branden. I can say this and know that I am in no way homosexual or anything of that matter because when you feel love and give love you know it. No one can tell you different because it just shines so bright it blinds the people who are not equipped and who are not ordained to handle its power. My perception of love in summary has been uplifted and upgraded to the point that I will no longer let people have it so fast or easily. In the future when I am being selective and cautious with my love the respect and cherish of it will come from everyone I come in contact with. No one wants what everyone can have. Were human we want the exclusive, the limited edition, the ONLY. Generality does not suit the majority of our race. This class gave me the tools to simply find myself, and one of these tools happened to be recommended literally by you, yes you Professor Granden! Keel’s All About Me book made me open my eyes so much more to myself. It asked me questions that I’ve known the answer to but didn’t want to answer for a very long time. The emotions section of the book hit me the hardest. When doing this section of the book I was going through a lot. I was afraid to tell my girlfriend I cheated on her because I didn’t want to lose her. And I still haven’t. The questions that made me just break out in tears was “You have a great amount of guilt regarding” (Keel, 1998 49). In this blank I wrote my relationship. And as I look back now and see all the other questions in a whole I talked about the two females in my life I love the most. These were my mother, and my girlfriend. As the book progressed I then was asked the question, “Someone who genuinely makes or has made you happy” (Keel, 1998 51). For this I answered Brittany, my girlfriend. As simple as can be this book reminded me who was important, who I really cared about, and who I didn’t want to lose. After that realization I wanted to be the perfect person. This is where I failed before I even started. No one is perfect and it took me a long time to realize that. Keel put in front of me what I was afraid of and said “push forward.” If you run from anything it will not save you or help you because the problem is still there. This is true and is why I continued to go through the book. You won’t exit anything the right way unless you go THROUGH it. There’s no way around it, no u turns, no shortcuts. You must meet it and go through it. Keel’s book as a whole along with this class reassured me of that and showed me why it makes you a better person to meet and go through your fears opposed to fleeing and ignoring them. It goes back to Douglass’s stance on struggle. It has to be present, God never told us “oh yeah life, it’s easy!” Because it’s not, never has been never will be. This class has made me rethink marriage in so many ways. Schnarch’s Passionate Marriage had over 80 percent of the reason. He provided me with more than enough evidence that marriage is another job. It pays in respect, honor, and a sense of well being. The application is nothing more than an invisible contract that states you will be patient, selfless, and open to all the things good and bad that are going to happen in this union. The main thing that made me reevaluate my look on marriage was ironically the role of sex in the relationship. I used to think that a lot of people got married just so that they would be guaranteed sex. Sadly this was a reason why I was never single and always in a relationship. But this is both a good and bad thing. It’s good because you want a base, a home so to speak. However it is bad because you want that base that home for self gain and in a home more than one person usually lives in it. You must be selfless in a relationship, especially if you want it to work. Schnarch says in Passionate Marriage that how much “self” either of you has to invest (to what degree are you self-validating) availability is determined by differentiation (Schnarch, 2009 72). You have to know that there are no longer I’s, those are gone. I want this and I want that is out of the window. There is a remarkable movie by Tyler Perry called Why Did I Get Married that goes through the life of four couples who are all best friends, facing problems in their relationship, and are on the verge of being no longer together. There is a quote in the movie said by Tyler Perry that says When you’re married you give up the “I’s” for an “Us” (Perry, 2007). This is true because when you’re married there is a new union, a bond, a compact being all in one. There is one body, one mind, one heart, one love. Schnarch made me see that a relationship is about what you can put into it and what the both of you can benefit from each other’s hard work, patience, and dedication. I will cherish this class with all my heart. I learned things that I will never forget and learned to have a soft heart people I’ve never even met. Being in this class was not just happen stance, it was fate. God doesn’t make mistakes and this was a prime example. I can honestly say that it made me a better listener, better lover, and better person in entirety. I personally want to thank you for being an exciting, fun, helpful, patient, and loving professor. If I had another instructor for this class I probably would have hated it with it a passion. I can say that I am glad that I had the opportunity to be taught by you and I am proud to say that I am amazed at what I have become.

References
Douglass Frederick. “West India Emancipation.” Canandaigua. New York. August 3, 1857.
Fromm, E, S. (1956). The Art of Loving. 26
Keel, P. (1998)
All About Me. 49-51
Schnarch, D. (1998). Passionate Marriage. 72.
Tyler Perry. (2007). Why Did I Get Married [DVD]. Lionsgate and Tyler Perry Studios.