William Ury stated, “ Negotiation is the pre-eminent form of decision-making in personal and professional life.” Negotiations happen consistently through our daily routines. Most people make them without even realizing it. In some way, shape or form, negotiation takes place in most of the decisions we make. The book, Getting Past No: Negotiating in Difficult Situations, by William Ury, presents many points, ideologies and a framework of preparation to negotiate with confidence and manipulate tough negotiations from conflicting arguments to joint problem solving. A few of Ury’s teachings, from the book, relate to personal approaches I have learned throughout my life, while the rest can be applied in my daily interactions at work and in my personal life.

One of the key ingredients to an effective negotiation is preparation. Through my job, I have been introduced to the Lean Six Sigma process. As I first started reading Ury’s book, the first connection I made with the Lean Six Sigma training was not to fix yourself on a single solution or your original position. One of the practices taught in this training was using the DMAIC process to analyze daily processes and find ways of improvement. The DMAIC process lays out the necessary steps to improve a process, design or problem. These steps are to define, measure, analyze, improve and control. Much like Ury’s teachings, during the define phase it is encouraged to throw out as many ideas possible for alleviating a problem, free of criticism and debate. Through this process, individuals were able to build off the ideas being thrown out there and develop a wide variety of possible solutions that would be measured without hindering one’s imagination through criticisms. This initial brainstorming and preparation is key to developing a satisfactory outcome.

A new tool for preparation that I have learned through class lectures and Ury’s book is developing your BATNA, or best alternative to a negotiated agreement. In many circumstances, I would go into a negotiation with my interests laid out, never considering what the other party’s thought process would be, only concerned with what I needed to say. A lot of times I didn’t have a walk-away alternative. I have learned that laying out your interests is important, but you must also consider the interests of the other party and try to see things from their point of view. Ury lays out his five steps of breakthrough negotiation that I feel are practical and realistic approaches to proper negotiation. All the points he brings up weren’t things that I would think to do, but at the same time are simplistic approaches that I believe would yield positive outcomes.

The first step in negotiation is to “go to the balcony”. This section of the book taught me the importance of doing the opposite of what my mind would want me to do. You don’t want to look to control the other person in the negotiation, but rather control yourself. You must be able to control your actions, reactions, body language, and so forth. The idea of going to the balcony is to not react, but to step back, rewind the tape, and look down on how events are unfolding. Give yourself a clear picture of what’s really occurring. It is a way of keeping you mentally aware and prepared to avoid the distractions, the tactics, attacks, tricks and stone walls and focus on your interests and what you want. While being aware of these tactics, you must not be overly suspicious and misunderstand the other side’s intentions. Ury uses the example of the Soviet Premier Nikita Khrushchev stomping his feet at the podium while delivering a speech to the United Nations to show that putting up a strong guard can provoke misunderstandings of a person’s behavior. People of the West thought this was being used as a tactic of intimidation and associated that behavior with the character of a man that would use nuclear weapons. Years after the speech was given, Khrushchev’s son explained that his father heard that people in the West loved passionate political debate and by stomping his feet he was trying to appease the West by assimilating himself with their culture. From this example, connections to class exercises were made on two parts. The first was that the West developed mental models of the Soviet Premier and connected his body language used in the speech to the kind of person that would use nuclear weapons. The second connection was that cross-cultural differences were present. Khrushchev had heard the West loved passionate political debate, but he may not have prepared enough to think on how his presentation would be perceived by the West.

The next two steps of negotiation that Ury points out, I found to be the most important ones and most likely an area where I could improve my daily negotiations. The second step is to “step to their side”. This means being more receptive to their interests and most importantly listening and acknowledging what they have to say and trying to disarm them by making them feel like you’re on the same side through agreeing wherever possible. The negotiations I have been involved in deal with the constant back and forth where everyone says how they feel, yet no one listens and acknowledges what is being said by the other party. I feel like using Ury’s approach of stepping to their side will benefit any negotiation and enhance the working relationships that I carry with my colleagues.

The third step, to “reframe”, I found to be an extremely valuable portion of the negotiation process. As Ury defines it, “Reframing means redirecting the other side’s attention away from positions and toward the task of identifying interests, inventing creative options, and discussing fair standards for selecting an option.” This section of the book taught me how to ask the right questions, rather than ask for solutions. It taught me approaches like asking for the counterpart’s advice on things to disarm them further and flatter them. All these methods build trust and build a better relationship to help generate a prosperous negotiation for both sides. In my work place, I feel like I would be able to use these approaches to improve the working relationships between Engineering groups and Operations and Construction crews. There exists an underlying difference between these two departments, when ultimately we are trying to achieve the same goals. By stepping to their side and by reframing the situation, I feel as though I can build long term relationships with these crews to produce more positive outcomes on the projects we work on together. It is in my company’s best interest “to reach a mutually satisfactory agreement in an efficient and amicable fashion”, as Ury says.

The first three steps of Ury’s process of negotiation I find to be the most important parts. They are what build the trust and the relationship of the negotiation. The fourth step to “build them a golden bridge” discusses the ways to finally reach agreement. It discussed the underlying reasons for counterpart resistance to an agreement including ideas not originating from them, having unmet interests, fear of losing face and just being overwhelmed with such a big decision in such little time. It is necessary for you to slowly lure them to your side and make them feel like their needs are met and they arrived to the conclusions of the agreement on their own. The fifth and final step is to “use power to educate”. This is necessary to make your counterpart understand that what you are trying to agree upon is better than their BATNA. You want to educate them on the repercussions of the negotiation falling through. Again, you want to create unity and let them know that they can only win if you win together through reinforcing the idea of a mutually satisfactory agreement. When all else fails, this section teaches you not to give in and always fall back on your BATNA while leaving doors open for them to make a choice that is best for them and for you.

By reading this book, I was able to make many connections to the approaches I have taken to situations and negotiations throughout my life. I was also able to make connections to class related materials including the mental models and cross-cultural differences that exist in negotiations. More importantly, through reading this book, I feel as though I gained priceless tools, methods, and approaches that I can apply in my daily interactions with colleagues at work or in my personal life amongst family and friends. Negotiation plays a major role in our lives through the decisions we make. Being well prepared to address those decisions and knowing how to “expand the pie” rather than divide it, will lead to more value for all and strong, long-term relationships for future negotiations.