Did you know that you carry a lethal weapon with you wherever you go? And it would be impossible for anyone to make you check it at the door, because it is attached to your body. I read somewhere that death and life are in the power of the tongue...what an amazing statement! and further...the tongue is full of deadly poison. Hum, frightening.

Gossip is like a fired bullet, once you hear the sound, you can't take it back. Evil speech can destroy friendships, break up marriages and ruin businesses. Gossip-negative talk, put-downs, rumors, accusations, not only hurt the person being talked about, it also hurts the person speaking and the person listening. The truth is, gossip has been around since the beginning of humankind and continues to be a popular but destructive past time.

"Le congossa" is unfortunately one of our favourite activities back home. Women and now more and more men are making it their hobbies. Too many people believe it’s their job to stick their nose in your business. Like they live such perfect lives. The reasons behind nosiness and gossiping has so much to do with folks not feeling their lives are interesting enough or are so unhappy with their lives, they believe getting into other people’s business is more exciting than getting things straight in their own lives.

The story of what happened to a family in a small North London community illustrates this truth. The mother had not been well since the birth of her second baby, but everyone knew she did all she could to create an atmosphere of love in the home. The neighbours could see the father being met at the door each evening with hugs and kisses from his wife and two small children. In summer when the windows were open, they could hear the laughter and joyous fun coming from inside the house.
Then one day a gossip whispered that the man was being unfaithful to his wife, a story completely without basis. It was passed on by others, and eventually came to his wife’s ears. It was more than she could bear. One evening when her husband came home, no one met him at the door. There was a deathly silence in the air. His wife had taken her own life and those of her two children. He was overcome with grief. His innocence was proven to all, but the gossip’s tongue had already done its work. Death and life are in the power of the tongue. It is full of deadly poison. This might be a little bit extreme but nonetheless true.

I used to work with Natalia a few years ago... Natalia was among the oldest in the company. At nearly 40, mother to a 18 year old girl, single and a string of failed relationships, Natalia was a nice girl. She was sweet, always in a good mood, very shy, caring, vulnerable. Her approcheable image made people wanting to confide in her, so obviously, she knew everything about everybody in the company. If you wanted to hear about the latest gossip, there was only person who could tell you: Natalia. I mean, it's not in itself a bad thing, as Natalia had never spread a false rumour, she did not feed on people's pain or difficulties. She just could not keep her mouth shot. I remember asking her one day if she heard anything about yearly bonuses well, for me, advance salary and bonuses were the only interesting gossip. Of course she sometimes said things about who was dating who, who was gay, whos was cheating...but we all knew it was to fill in the day at the office. Her gossip was not malicious...we were lucky

Some companies actually rely on employee gossip as an informal way to disseminate information. Information is "leaked" in a few departments and makes the rounds of the entire company through the gossip grape vine. Most office gossip is harmless fun used to lighten the atmosphere in the office environment. Some gossip is darker and its distribution can have an impact on yourself, the subject of the gossip and working relations. Gossip is a way to exchange personal information. In the gossip group, everyone soon learns who is married, divorced, and single. The family sizes are revealed, religious commitments, favorite foods, and childhood secrets all become glue to bond workers into a more cohesive group.

Gossiping maliciously destroys a person’s reputation and character without his knowledge, giving him no chance to defend himself. It is manipulative because it is a personal attack in an indirect way, hence the phrase, “Stabbing me in the back”. Words hurt as much as a punch, sometimes more, because a punch may be painful, but at least it’s over pretty fast. Rumors are, quite simply, a form of bullying that’s sometimes referred to as “relational aggression.” When a person or a group makes up a rumor about someone or decides to spread nasty gossip, it’s usually to hurt someone, break up a friendship, or make someone less popular. Why is it so entertaining for people to sit around examining the hardships and difficulties of others instead of talking about something positive in their own lives?

At school, I used to be pretty naive when it came to friends, I trusted everybody and thought they were just like me. Of course I learned the hard way that it was just not the case. They were the very same people who were gossiping on me...smiling and being nice when they faced me and stabbing me when I was out of reach. Now that was malicious, with the intend to hurt as much as you can. And the funny thing is, you always find out when it's too late, damage is done. Of course it's easy to say, oh i dont care, truth is, you care. Especially when you don't understand the motive of such cruelty from people who call themselves your friends.

Amanda, another victim of gossip, moved to a small town and was befriended by Michele. She then found out that Michele was saying one thing to her, another to her husband, Fred, and yet another to their neighbours. The suspicions took their toll on Fred, who left town for a while. Michelle offered to help Amanda and Fred sort things out, at the same time telling others about hostility between the two of them. Amanda didn't know where to turn. This sounds silly but you all know how real these situations are. Nearly everyone has been the subject of gossip, within families, neighbourhoods, workplaces, churches, you name it. Most gossip is harmless, and some social scientists think it plays a valuable role in binding groups together. But sometimes it gets very nasty. Victims of malicious gossip feel under assault. It seems like the whole world is condemning or laughing at them.

Marco, a very good friend of mine, organised a party at his place. There were about 40 to 60 peole enjoying themselves, having fun, drinking... talking about old times. Then at some point of the evening, girls were all together, gossiping of course! Olivia, Marco's girlfriend, started talking about a girl at school, she did not like. She said her name, unaware that girl was standing just next to her! She carried on, talking about nonsense and on how she had known the girl for a long time and this and that...She enjoyed being the centre of the attention. You could feel so much hate and jealousy from her, still everyone was laughing and asking questions. At some point, the girl she was talking about stopped her and said: the person you are talking about, is me...and i dont recall us being introduced to each other. Do you know me? Hmmm i will keep the rest of the story to myself all I can say is, it did not stop there! Poor Olivia...

It is difficult not to listen when somebody starts giving us some high level, top-secret information. It makes us feel important to think that they would choose to tell us. Our old sin nature prompt us to take it in and store it up so we can use it someday to enhance our own image. But the listener is just as guilty as the gossiper. People talk because other people listen. If nobody listened, gossip would cease. But let's be realistic, that will never happen.

Where does all this tie in? Well I guess it all comes down to taking control of your life and being the best you can be. Gossiping is merely one of the many distractions which keeps us from focusing on improving ourselves and having happy and fulfilling lives. If you’re too busy judging the lives of people you hardly know instead of wishing them the best and worrying about how to help yourself, nothing good or productive will ever be in the final outcome. In other words you’ll stay stuck in that rut of negativity while the people you spend so much time talking badly about will eventually move on and find themselves in a better position in life because they overcame the struggle of hardship.

In the end, can we eradicate destructive gossiping? No. But can we raise our awareness and sensitivity towards it? Absolutely. So the next time you are taking part in the exchange of juicy gossip, try to remind yourself that the information you are passing on might not be true and might not represent the whole story.

Last but not least, I leave you with this. “Treat others as you’d like to be treated!”
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