ENABLING FORGIVENESS AND RECONCILIATION IN FAMILY THERAPY

Interpersonal conflicts are almost inevitable within families. The closeness and intensity of family relationships along with differences among family members in knowledge, desires, values, abilities, etc., account for much of this turmoil. Family members are often deeply hurt in the course of their conflicts and sometimes there is a significant breach of trust, Occasionally a family member will consider a certain offence unforgivable and will not seek reconciliation. Usually, however, family members try to recover a sense of personal and relationship wellbeing by endeavoring to forgive and reconcile. This can be a long and arduous process. Therapists are often consulted to facilitate such healing. My purpose in writing this paper is to share my understanding of some of the complexities involved. The perspective that I adopt is a social constructionist or ‘bringforthist’ stance. I assume that through caring conversation, it. is possible to bring forth preferred ways of thinking and interacting that can lead to forgiveness and reconciliation.

MUTUAL HURTS
The duration and effects of any particular conflict between family members depends on how differences are managed in the nuances of ongoing family interaction: Conflicts vary from brief disagreements that are hardly noticeable, to extremely destructive emotional and physical battles that last for years. During any major episode of conflict, all parties involved tend to feel unfairly treated by others. For instance, in an ordinary family argument each person will try to protect the self from unfair accusations by using defensive statements or counter-attacks that may end up disqualifying and hurting the other. In these situations, both parties in the conflict feel wronged and both contribute to the hurt and suffering. Mutual wrongs, however, do not