I walk into a bar and my eyes are drawn to the couple arguing at the bar. She wants to be open about the relationship and he wants to keep it quiet. I will never understand humans, but my commanding officer has ordered me to observe them so here I am. As I keep watching, another human approaches me. "Hey, hot stuff," She says, her voice like gravel and nails on a chalkboard, combined. I look up at her and wonder what she's thinking. She's not the most attractive human ever, not even close. Her eye makeup was inconceivable, her teeth were crooked, and she was missing a few. She was showing more skin than a newborn infant and had a large glass in her hand with most of the alcoholic liquid gone. "Sorry, I have standards," I tell her. She scoffs