INTRODUCTION
Children today face a lot of challenges that were not present, or maybe not realized, years ago. It seems that children are not allowed to be children very long. Society today accelerates the growing process; and our children are suffering the consequences of dealing with adult issues far too early in life. It also seems that some parents are not aware that while allowing the child to live as an adult, experiencing adult things rob them of their natural childhood development. There are many reasons why our children are growing up so fast, but in most cases the parents must take the blame. Maybe they are using the example by which they were raised; maybe they feel that they should just be friends with their children, or maybe they are too young themselves and don’t know how to raise children. Whatever the reason, the children are the ones suffering. We have a God given privilege to raise our children and it comes with responsibility. God expresses in Proverbs 22:6 “Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.” (NLT). The responsibility of a parent is to properly direct their children in a lifestyle that will lead them to mature adulthood. And if the raising of your children is proper and productive, they will retain the principles in their later years. There are several areas that must be addressed when our goal is “Raising Well-Rounded Children”. Those areas will be address in this paper. Although this information is not exhaustive, it is beneficial. SHARING YOUR FAITH
A knowledgeable bible scholar once penned the following words concerning Proverbs 22:6 “A great duty enjoined, particularly to those that are the parents and instructors of children, in order to the propagating of wisdom, that it may not die with them: Train up children in that age of vanity, to keep them from the sins and snares of it, in that learning age, to prepare them for what they are designed for… Good impressions made upon them then will abide upon them all their days” (Henry, 1706). One of the most powerful influences we have on our children is the example we give them to observe in the way we live our lives. Part of your example should be a commitment to God. I remember the things my mother taught me about God when I was still pre-school age. She said things and taught me in a way that was easy to understand; and I retained them into adulthood, which is when I accepted Christ. In Mary Fairchild’s article “Raising Kids God’s Way” (2011), she speaks of a similar experience. She states “My parents were the single-most important factor in leading me to pursue a relationship with Jesus Christ. Without applying any pressure, their examples of godly living and genuine transformation made me want to know more about God, read the Bible, attend church, and eventually ask Jesus Christ to be the Lord of my life ” (Fairchild, 2011). In some cases children will seem to ignore the good example lived before them and the instruction given. Matthew Henry said “Many indeed have departed from the good way in which they were trained up; Solomon himself did so. But early training may be a means of their recovering themselves, as it is supposed Solomon did” (Henry, 1706). This is something I noticed in the lives of my children. My youngest son followed me around like my shadow. By doing so he learned carpentry, minor auto mechanics, basic yard and property care, etc. By watching my example he incorporated the same qualities I have into his life. He tells other people that he’s the way he is because he wanted to be like his father. Besides all these things that he learned by watching me, he also learned about God. My two older sons had more difficulty because they wanted to do things their own way. They didn’t forget the things I taught them, they just resisted. As Christian parents, we face a world full of obstacles and distractions that seem to be aimed at the younger generation. We have a challenge before us, which is why our commitment must be strong and evident; and clearly seen in our lives. Our children are consumed by things that grab their attention. There are video games, the latest fashions and sporting events. And there is always the pressure from friends to consume intoxicating drinks, experiment with drugs and get involved sexually. “Today's kids face an overall absence of godly examples and moral living in a society that is moving toward "freedom from religion" instead of "freedom of religion" (Fairchild, 2011). Sharing our faith with our children should not be difficult, it should be a priority. Living a Christian life is something that should be exhibited before children. It shows the importance of God in your life; and it shows the value you place in an ongoing relationship with Him by finding ways to be a blessing. Make sure it is a genuine life style because children can spot if it is phony. As their parents, we should give them the real thing.
IMPORTANCE ON THE ENVIRONMENT
Another area of importance in raising a well rounded child is the child’s environment. The way we view our environment can be very different from the way our children view it. The mature views of an adult are different from young children and teens. We may notice an element of danger that they cannot recognize. By the word environment I mean our surrounding influences; all the external factors influencing the life and activities of people, plants, and animals. The place and situation of our housing can have an effect on our children’s behavior. Gary Evans, who is Cornell University’s environmental and developmental Psychologist, conducted a number of research studies. The studies were examining what effects a child’s physical environment had on his well being. “Evans’ large and diverse body of research reveals that the effects of the physical environment—noise level, overcrowding, and housing and neighborhood quality—are as significant for children’s development as psychosocial characteristics such as relationships with parents and peers. Indeed, the physical environment profoundly influences developmental outcomes including academic achievement, cognitive, social and emotional development as well as parenting behavior” (Evans, 2006). We must realize that because of hard economic times and the low income of some families, they may not have a choice of good housing. But there are measures you can take even in low income housing to help reduce the influence of the environment of children. “Research has identified the physical characteristics of neighborhoods that significantly influence children’s development. These characteristics include: residential instability, housing quality, noise, crowding, toxic exposure, quality of municipal services, retail services, recreational opportunities, including natural settings, street traffic, accessibility of transportation, and the physical quality of both educational and health facilities” (Evans, 2006). Evans’ studies also revealed that children at all income levels have some of the same issues as those in low-income areas. The same problems exist; problems caused by excessive exposure to noise, and overcrowding. Not only is the neighborhood in which you live an influence, your home itself has a great influence on the children. However, the home can be controlled by the parent. Some ways in which the parent can control some situations is suggested by Evans: “Guard against additional, interior noise sources. Aim to reduce the existing noise instead of adding other sources of noise. Check the volume level on your child’s music devices. If he listens to his favorite music too loudly, make proper volume adjustments. Also monitor the volume level on computers, televisions, and other electronic devices, keeping them as low as possible. Engage your child. Children ignore and tune out speech as a way of coping with environmental overstimulation. Take notice if your child is not paying attention or listening to your speech and if so, intervene. Take your child to a quiet outdoor nature spot or a quiet indoor location such as the local library. Tune in instead of tuning out. Parents living under high noise exposure appear to withdraw, be less responsive, and talk less to their children. Modify your environment. If your budget permits, consider purchasing extra noise attenuation devices for your child’s room for use during homework activities and sleeping. Consider your child’s school environment. If you have a choice, send your child to a quiet, less chaotic school” (Evans, 2006).
These are only a few suggestions but there are other avenues. The important thing that needs to be done is to make sure the home is a safe, secure place and that the child feels safe. Make sure that the parent can be depended on for the proper parenting support when needed and required. This will make the environment tolerable and give the child a better place to grow.
BOUNDARIES
An important thing to remember when raising a child will see how far the limitations are. In other words they need to know where the boundaries are. “Of all the areas in which boundaries are crucially important, none is more relevant than that of raising children. How we approach boundaries and child rearing will have enormous impact on the character of our kids. On how they develop values. On how well they do in school. On the friends they pick. On whom they marry. And on how well they do in a career” (Henry Cloud, 1996). As parents we must prepare our children for the future. When boundaries are in a child’s life, it will enable him to eventually take responsibility for their life. In the Bible, the book of Ephesians speaks about the maturing process which helps us know how to take responsibility for our lives. Ephesians 4:13 “[That it might develop] until we all attain oneness in the faith and in the comprehension of the [full and accurate] knowledge of the Son of God, that [we might arrive] at really mature manhood (the completeness of personality which is nothing less than the standard height of Christ's own perfection), the measure of the stature of the fullness of the Christ and the completeness found in Him.” (Amplified Bible)
It is this same process of maturing that must take place in our children’s lives. It is important that we give our children a sense of responsibility. The way we were all raised played some part in how we became the people we are. Some of us were raised with certain boundaries, some were not. If certain boundaries are a part of a child’s life, it will be a guiding influence for the maturing that’s taking place. When speaking of boundaries, we simply understand that in life there are limits. In the book “Boundaries with Kids” it is explained. “A boundary is a “property line” that defines a person; it defines where one person ends and someone else begins. It we know where a person’s boundaries are, we know what we can expect this person to take control of: himself or herself” (Henry Cloud, 1998). Children also must acquire this as part of their life. “A child needs to know where she begins, what she needs to take responsibility for, and what she does not need to responsibility for. If she knows that the world requires her to take responsibility for her own personhood and life, then she can learn to live up to those requirements and get along well in life” (Henry Cloud, 1998) .
Boundaries are not something that children are born with. They gain boundaries when they adopt the attitudes, values and beliefs that are expressed before them. This can be done consciously or unconsciously. For children to learn properly, parents have to have clear boundaries with them and communicate with them in a way to help them learn their own boundaries. One important thing to remember is that discipline is sometimes needed in children to enable them to see the importance of boundaries. As a young child, I was taught that going beyond the limits that were in place meant sometimes facing unpleasant consequences. It teaches the child a respect for authority and rules that are in place. The Bible expresses discipline in child rearing. Proverbs 22:15 says, “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far away.” (NIV) Folly is thoughtlessness, recklessness, or thoughtless or reckless behavior and it is the behavior that is in the heart, and needs to be changed. Discipline is part of the process in boundaries. “If boundaries are clear, children develop several qualities: A well-defined sense of who they are. What they responsible for. The ability to choose. The understanding that if they choose well, things will go well, and if they choose poorly, they will suffer. The possibility for true love based in freedom” Henry Cloud, 1998.
DEALING WITH ANGER
Another important area of child rearing is recognizing anger in the child and how to deal with it. Anger is a difficult emotion for children. They struggle with this emotion because they don’t have the experience to deal with it. To be honest, many adults have a problem dealing with anger. That is why we have anger management. Counseling is required for a lot of people to teach them how to control anger. We, too, can help our children control and deal with anger. There are ways to help them. “A key first step in dealing with your child is to understand his anger in terms that help define what you are struggling with, which will empower you to take more effective action. Not all children with anger are “angry children.” Learning to distinguish between the two is the first step toward helping a child gain control of his anger” (Murphy, 2001). There are situations that cause us to become angry. We need to remember that anger is an emotion; a powerful emotion. We will experience anger from time to time and anger by itself is not bad. Actually it is okay to be angry; but it is not to okay be mean. “Every angry reaction to a different situation has a line that separates the acceptable from the unacceptable. Knowing where that line is drawn will help parents handle discipline and help children learn the boundaries of good behavior” (Murphy, 2001) . There are times when anger is considered righteous. Righteous anger is found in the Bible in Ephesians 4:26, “Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath ”( KJV) Righteous anger is a reaction to wrong doing, or sin. When the wrong or inappropriate action has been directed at a person by another person, it may cause the recipient of wrong to exhibit righteous anger. “The girl who gets angry enough to tell schoolmates to stop teasing her, or the boy who finally takes a stand against a bully, are prime examples of righteous anger. The same righteous anger could be expected when a parent has a pattern of missing a child’s school events, after promising to be there” (Murphy, 2001) . The parent should examine each case of anger and react appropriately. Righteous anger should not be disciplined unless it leads to profane language, violence or both; at which point it is no longer righteous. When a child’s anger has come to the point that the child doesn’t know what to do or how to release the anger, the anger will begin to grow to a form of tension. It can cause some health concerns such as headaches, insomnia, and lack of appetite. It can even cause serious problems in relationships and just rob all happiness from the child. “Don’t wait until your child is punching you, harming himself, or injuring friends to take action regarding his anger. It’s much easier to put out a small fire in a frying pan than the blaze that’s engulfing the house. Same thing with your child’s anger” (Murphy, 2001). There is lots of literature on child anger and management. And we must understand that not every situation requires the same measures. Each episode must be carefully understood before taking action to handle the situation. “Parents can learn how to nurture and discipline effectively. Overly authoritarian parents who exercise too much power and use discipline punitively can learn more effective "authoritative" parenting. Overly permissive parents who exercise too little power and use too little discipline can also learn to be authoritative parents. As is often the case, balance is important. Authoritative parents learn daily when and how to discipline their children effectively by setting standards, enforcing rules, exercising authority when necessary, and yet recognizing children's rights” (Maccoby & Martin, 1983, pp. 1-101) . The following is from a number of research studies. These are some suggestions which can help to control anger and can also build self-control and self esteem. Both are important in controlling anger. “1. Learn to deal with your own and others' anger. When parents discipline out of anger or with expectations that are inappropriate for the age of their child, they often make mistakes in the way they react. The place to begin is with ourselves. When we feel calm, we can model effective anger and conflict management. 2. Distract or redirect the child. When a child is misbehaving, a calm parent can sometimes re-direct the child's behavior. 3. Be prompt and brief with discipline. One technique you can use is to pick up and remove your small child from the room immediately and isolate him or her for two to five minutes. This also gives you time to get in control of your emotions. Two to five minutes are enough; lecturing is unnecessary. 4. Try to discover the reason for your child's anger or temper tantrum.What does he or she want and is not getting? The reasons children have temper tantrums vary: to get attention, get someone to listen, protest not getting their way, get out of doing something they do not want to do, punish a parent for going away, for power, for revenge, from fear of abandonment, etc. Let the child know the behavior is unacceptable. Talk calmly. 5. Avoid shaming your child about being angry. Children in healthy families are allowed to express all their feelings, whether they are pleasant or unpleasant. They are not criticized or punished for having and expressing feelings appropriately, including anger. 6. Teach children about intensity levels of anger. By using different words to describe the intensity of angry feelings (e.g., annoyed, aggravated, irritated, frustrated, angry, furious, enraged), children as young as 2 1/2 can learn to understand that anger is a complex emotion with different levels of energy. 7. Set clear limits and high expectations for anger management, appropriate for your child's age, abilities, and temperament. 8. Notice, compliment and reward appropriate behavior. Teaching your child to do the right things is better (and easier) than constantly punishing bad behavior. 9. Maintain open communication with your child. Consistently and firmly enforce rules and explain the reasons for the rules in words your child can understand. 10. Teach understanding and empathy by calling your child's attention to the effects of his or her actions on others. Invite the child to see the situation from the other person's point of view. Healthy children feel remorse when they do something that hurts another. Authoritative discipline helps them develop an internal sense of right and wrong” (Marion, 1994, pp. 97, 155-163).
These suggestions are in no way exhaustive. There are many resources that can be consulted.
OVERINDULGENCE
I have noticed a mindset among many parents today. They feel that they were raised under terrible conditions. While some conditions may have been bad in some people’s lives while growing up, it is not true in all of them. But regardless of the conditions, the comment that I am concerned with is: “I will not raise my child as bad as I was raised.” That is a good attitude but the second part of the sentence is the problem;”I’m going to see that they get everything they want so they won’t want for anything.” A large amount of children in our country are being “overindulged.” This is the observation that Dr. Connie Dawson, co-author of How Much Is Enough, comments on: “When parents give children too much stuff that costs money, do things for children that they can do for themselves, do not expect children to do chores, do not have good rules and let children run the family, parents are overindulging” (Jean Illsley Clarke, 2004). Conditions are bad today, when it comes to parenting, compared to what it was years ago. “Sadly, our self-absorbed society has told parents to help their kids feel good about themselves, that it’s the parents’ duty to make their children happy. But underneath it all, kids don’t need parents who make them happy. They need parents who will make them capable” (Rigby, 2011) . We need to teach our children that everything will not be handed to them. Some things only come with hard work and if the children don’t learn this from their parents, where will it be taught to them? There is a definition for overindulgence that expresses that point. “Parents give to their children in place of mentoring them as a replacement for parenting. This definition requires wealth or false-wealth (e.g. credit cards). Parents without wealth or false-wealth are too permissive with their teen or child. They give their children too much permission too soon. Consequently, such children are ill prepared to manage life's complexities, which come too soon into their world” (Fogarty, 2003). Overindulgence is not just something that is confined to the rich. Today, along with the spoiled rich kid, is the spoiled poor kid. Spoiling is caused by overindulging. Some excellent tips are given by Jill Rigby to help you recognize if you are overindulging. “1. Giving them things or experiences that are not appropriate for their age or their interests: Allowing a five-year-old to dress like a pop star. Allowing a twelve-year-old to watch an R-rated movie. Removing curfew from a sixteen-year-old with a new driver’s license. 2. Giving things to meet the adult’s needs, not the child’s: A mom buying her daughter the trendiest clothes, because Mom believes it’s a reflection on her own style. A dad giving his son the “stand out” wheels at sixteen, so Dad’s friends—as well as his son’s friends—will think he’s “the man.” A parent giving his or her children the best of the best in order to make the parent look successful. 3. Neglecting to teach children the life skills they need to survive in the “real” world beyond their home: Tying shoes and dressing four-year-olds who are perfectly capable of dressing themselves. Doing the laundry for teenagers who are more than capable and need to learn to do it for themselves ” (Rigby, 2011).
Parents need to prepare their children for the future. We must teach them principles to live and excel by, because this world will; it is not always an easy place to live. Our children must learn to stand on their own feet. When we have done all we can as parents there is still more. If we live a Christian life with Christian principles before our children, we should feel alright. If we have given our children the best homes were are capable of, and have taught them how to survive the environment around them, then we should feel alright. When we have taught our children of the boundaries by which we must live in order to have a productive life, then we should feel alright. When we have taught our children about anger; and by word and example have showed them how to control it, then we should feel aright. When we have taught ourselves about overindulgence, and taught our children that this world is not a free ride and that they will have to stand on their own feet, then we should feel aright; we have done our best.

Bibliography

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Fairchild, M. (2011). Raising Kids God's Way Passing on Your Faith to Your Children. Retrieved Nov. 7, 2011, from About.Com Christianity: http://christianity.about.com/od/parentingresources/a/raisekids4god.htm
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