What Men and Women Want in a Mate Maria Morel Florida Atlantic University

Introduction
In recent decades researchers have generated considerable documentation on the evolutionary psychology of human mating strategies and romantic relationships. Much of this research stems from the features and genetic makeup of hominids, and their reproductive biology. Across mammalian species females are the key factor in reproduction, because they provide almost all of the physiological resources required for the production of offspring. There are many investments that females make when carrying an offspring. They invest themselves physically, mentally, and emotionally. This makes females have much lower potential reproductive capacities than males.
It started with the work of psychologist David Buss of the University of Texas. In 1985, Buss published an article based on interviews with more than 10,000 participants from 37 cultures. Subjects were given a list of 18 possible characteristics of a mate and asked to rate those characteristics. Almost unanimously both sexes put love, dependable character, emotional stability, and pleasing disposition first. It wasn't until the fifth characteristic that men and women differed. Men choose looks to be more important than women did, and status and money were more important to women.
Secondly, Buss’s study and the endless studies of mate choice that followed all led to differences between the sexes. It stated that it must be in our genes for men to want young, appeasing women and women to want older established men because these results make "evolutionary sense." Young women are more fertile than older women and so they would pass on a man's genes. Men with financial resources can provide for offspring, and improve a woman's reproductive success.
There are many differences and similarities between men and women; both in the way we are designed physically and the way we process things emotionally. In general the appeal of a relationship for women is the actual relationship. Women naturally gravitate towards the idea of marriage and see it as highly appealing. An ideal relationship for a woman is one where she feels understood and connected to her significant other. An ideal man is one who truly understands her. The ideal relationship for a man is one where he gets to feel like the man. Men do not have the same need for understanding as women do. Rather, men like to feel acknowledged, respected, and appreciated. Men typically enjoy the role of being givers; so for a man, the ideal woman is one who can happily receive.
Men and women have the same basic need to be loved and cared for. Although men and women tend to often show their love differently. For example, many men will not talk openly about the extent of their loving feelings for their girlfriend, telling themselves, “She knows.” On the other hand, many women in relationships often wish they got a little more expressiveness in the emotional department from their male partners. Women must try to understand that one of the ways men like to show love is through actions, not words. A guy tells himself that showing love means taking his girlfriend on a trip, getting her a special gift, or taking her to a fancy dinner. Again, men believe that actions show their love better than words.
A variety of theoretical perspectives have been employed to explain the causes of what have typically been considered robust sex differences in relationship attitudes, and behaviors. Some theories focus on evolutionary reasons for differences, while others focus on the ways in which socialization might contribute to sex differences
Several factors influence a person's selection of a suitable mate. Evolutionary psychology indicates that characteristics that people seek in mates depend on their sex and whether it is a short-term or a long-term mating. Women are limited in the number of children they can have during their lifetime. Men have no restriction when it comes to reproduction. Both men and women compete for their choice of mate. Women will more often seek a mate who has resources to support their parental efforts, whereas men will seek a mate for reasons different from wanting to be a parent. This establishes a difference in views toward mating for each gender because each will have their own expectations.
Physical appearances play a large role in mate selection. Women prefer men with more symmetrical features; clear, unblemished skin; and white sclera of the eye, because these features indicate good health, which also means "good" genes. Women also prefer that men have masculine features, such as strong jaw, facial hair, broader shoulders, narrower hips, and a muscular build, because these indicate sufficient testosterone for fertility. When it comes to age, most women prefer older men who are intelligent, have high social status, and have money. This is because these elements indicate that they have enough power to obtain resources that are needed for survival or offspring. All these things come into consideration as a woman proceeds to select a mate, because a long-term commitment is what she has in mind. Men have their own preferences in physical appearance of their mate. Men's main interest is to impregnate a mate to have children. Men tend to seek relatively young woman with full lips, breasts, and hips, and a smaller waist, because these indicate sufficient estrogen levels to successfully birth a child. Men also look for facial symmetry, shiny hair, clear skin, and white sclera. Men are less concerned about the social status of their chosen mate.

Methods
The procedures and materials used for this study were a deep research and reading through forty personal ads of women and men. Twenty personal ads of women and men looking for long-term relationships and twenty others of women and men looking for short-term relationships were found. The purpose of looking and reading through these ads were to gain a better understanding and knowledge of their similarities, differences and challenges when they are seeking for a mate. An example of one of the many personal ads that were found of online; “I am shy but ready to try something new. I'm ready for a good man that loves the outdoors. It's hard to meet anyone out in the panhandle of the state so friends have encouraged me to branch out. I'm pretty old fashioned, but I'm tired of waiting for a guy to ask me out. If you like fishing or farming maybe we'd have something in common.”
Discussion
After looking at several personal ads of women and men looking for long-term relationships and short-term relationships, I found a few similarities and many differences between both of them.
Both man and women have an equal desire on dating someone that is physically appealing or attractive. Men have a tendency to look for partners who are younger and more physically attractive, while women look for older and more financially established mates. They seem to be looking for a higher social status and ambition. These gender roles may have evolved with men and women over time.

Results Type of mating | Women | Men | Short-term | 1.Problem of immediate resource extraction2. Problem of evaluating short-term mates as possible long-term mates3. Problem of gene quality4. Problem of mate switching, mate expulsion, or mate backup | 1. Problem of partner number2. Problem of identifying which women are sexually accessible3. Problem of minimizing cost, risk, and commitment4. Physically appealing mate | Long-term | 1. Problem of identifying men who are able to invest 2. Problem of identifying men who are willing to invest 3. Problem of physical protection 4. Problem of commitment 5. Problem of good parenting skills 6. Problem of gene quality | Problem of paternity2. Problem of female reproductive value3. Problem of commitment4. Problem of good parenting skills5. Problem of gene quality |

The key to a successful relationship is communicating your needs in a way that the other person can hear it. If you attack or blame, your guy will completely shut down and tune you out. If you come from a place of compassion and appreciation, he will tune in to exactly what you’re saying and will try to do whatever he can to make you happy.

References
Buss, D. (2015). Evolutionary psychology: The new science of the mind. Psychology Press.
Classified Ads. (n.d.). Retrieved July 13, 2016, from https://www.classifiedads.com/search.php?keywords=
Cosmides, L., & Tooby, J. (1987). From evolution to behavior: Evolutionary psychology as the missing link.