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Ball of Light

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Submitted By jah559
Words 458
Pages 2
Everyone was whirling around me and the sound of coffee splashing into cups was everywhere. In a moment of total disarray, where everyone seemed like their own piece of a human tornado around me, there I was just standing there. Unable to move or fully comprehend anything but the phone call I had just received from Johnny, who told me that the love of my life, Josh, was gone.
They say that the moments of immense loss are the moments that seem forever engraved in your memory. Those are the moments in which you always wish that you had done or said something differently. Maybe earlier today when he called me, I shouldn’t have been “too busy” to say “I love you” back. I should’ve held him longer in my arms during our last hug before I left for school. I just should’ve loved him harder. Should’ve accepted his unconventional love, filled with spurts of immense happiness as well sadness. I should have given my heart to him as fully as I always wanted to, without fear or hesitation. But there I was, stuck at work on a shitty October afternoon, tears sneaking unknowingly down my face.
So I returned back to the counter, ready to focus on work again and find a distraction from the heart quickly shattering inside me. I smile at the next customer and ask, “Anything else I can get for you tonight ma’am?” She responds, “Nah, just an assload of coffee because I have two prelims tomorrow”. So I hand her the large red eye and send her on her way before I run back to the bathroom for yet another crying fit. Hiding my face form my manager, who tries to force me to go back up to the counter. Having locked the door behind me, I crawl into a ball against the door, wishing I could escape from the pain erupting from within my now broken heart.
I stayed in that ball for ten minutes, enjoying the silence of that small room; ignoring the knocks of sorority girls against the door accompanied by shrieks of “Come on! I need to pee!” All I could think of was how welcome the darkened silence was. Darkness was so welcome, so gentle, so unwavering.
But since then, a year later, I’ve started to welcome the light back in, let it wash over me like a gentle shower after a long hot day. My heart is still broken, but yet I feel stronger in knowing that I didn’t let the darkness overcome me. I am following my ball of light back to the land of the whole hearted, without fear of return. Because I now know that there was nothing I could’ve done differently.

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