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Carl

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Pandekager ”Pandekager” er skrevet af Katrine Marie Guldager, og blev udgivet i 2004 i novellesamlingen ”København”. Fortællingen er om Karl og hans forhold til sin familie i forbindelse med hans mange forhold til helt andre kvinder. Novellens fortæller er en 3. persons fortæller. Ved første øjekast kan man nemt narre sig til at tro, at det er en personbunden fortælling, da historiens omdrejningspunkt er Karl da “introen” for eksempel er meget vekslende mellem handlinger Karl foretager sig og ting, som han tænker i den givne situationen. Først i linje 8 på side 61 hører man om Birgittes – Karls kone – undren over, hvorfor Karl mon har sagt sit vellønnede job op uden nogen videre grund, og senere på linje 23 side 63 får man at vide, at Heinz – Karls bror – faktisk ikke er klar over, hvorfor det er ham, der skal køre bilen. Det at fortællingen beretter om andres tanker end Karls, gør at fortælleren bliver til en 3. persons fortæller, også kaldt alvidende fortæller.Når man kigger på det ydre, ser vi en mand, der altid har boet i København og lever et forholdvist normalt liv med kone, børn og arbejde. Han er ejendomsmægler og bor i et rækkehus i Måløv med konen Birgitte og deres børn. Han har en lillebror Heinz, der bor på Frederiksberg i København.Den indre del af fortællingen beskriver Karls situationener og forhold. Han har været sin kone utro adskillige gange med forskellige kvinder. Første gang er med hans sekretær, hvorefter han faktisk fortryder eller skammer sig over, at han overhovedet kan have lyst til en anden kvinde. Det resulterer i, at han siger op og finder nyt job. Men kort tid efter at han er startet på det nye job, er han sammen med en kunde i et af de huse, som han er ude at vise frem. Herefter bliver det kun værre, og han føler det bliver vane. Han betegner sin hang til utroskab som ”normalt” i hans hverdag. Karl er i virkeligheden slet ikke glad for, når noget bliver for familiært: ,,Han syntes faktisk, det var anstrengende at være sammen med sin familie 24 timer i døgnet” (side 59-60, linje 20), og: ,,Sengen stod parat, men i stedet kneppede Karl hende op ad væggen” (side 62, linje 15). Her bliver sengen symbol på noget trygt og stabilt, hvilket er noget af det, Karl ikke kan forholde sig til, da han slet ikke føler, at han har et stabilt liv i det hele taget. Der er naturligvis forskellige udlægninger af, hvordan historiens ellers kronologiske opbygning kan tolkes. Der forekommer flash backs, da man som læser får at vide, hvad der blandt andet er sket førhen med Karls affærer, men hvad der ikke var tydligt for mig, første gang jeg læste historien, er de små tegn, som Katrine Marie Guldager har lagt ud, der skal underbygge en forståelse for, hvordan Karl er på vej ud på et sidespor. Dels for os læsere, men vigtigst af alt er det de små symbolske handlinger der sker, som Karl skal lægge mærke til og få ham til at reflektere.
Dog lægger Karl ikke mærke til dem, eller også vælger han at overse dem. ”På vej op mod liften i Tyin opdagede Karl, at den ene skispids havde fået en revne” (side 59 , linje 1). Her opdager Karl altså på vej op mod toppen af bjerget, at skispidsen er ”revnet”. Man bruger jo skispidsen til at dreje og styre med, og når den så er revnet, kan man ikke styre den rigtige vej, og Karl kan derfor ikke styre den rigtige vej i sit liv. Desuden når han aldrig til toppen af bjerget, han bliver nød til at køre ned igen. Senere i teksten (side 60, linje 20): ,,...men efterhånden meldte samvittigheden sig, han holdt for rødt”. Han holder for rødt, hvilket fortæller os og ham, at der er en alarm, der blinker, når han kan mærke samvittigheden. Igen på side 63, linje 12 står der: ”De landede i Kastrup og fandt deres bil på langtidsparkeringen” Karls og Birgittes forhold holder også ”stille” på ”langtidsparkeringen”. ”Karl skubbede stolen tilbage og følte sig som blind passagerer på et skib, hvis destination han ikke kendte”(side 65, linje 8). Her ser vi et billedsprog, der beskriver, hvordan Karl er kommet ind i noget, han ikke ved, hvad er, og hvor fører hen. Det er noget han ikke forholde sig til i forhold til hans datter, der har brug for ham, til blot at være der som en kærlig og omsorgsfuld far, hvilket han slet ikke føler han er eller kan være.
Til slut hober det hele sig op over for Karl, og på side side 65 linje 24 står der: ”Harddisken var begyndt at larme for en måned siden, men Karl havde ignoreret det. Han havde tænkt: Det går nok over. Det var som en stor rød advarselsalarm, han ikke havde set”. Alle problemerne bobler over, og den store røde advarselsalarm blinker, men nu er det for sent, og han giver op ved ikke at lytte til tegnene.

Desuden kan man se, at Karl viderefører sine egne problemer til datteren gennem hans måde at opdrage hende på. Selvom han godt ved, at hans datter er for lille, lærer han hende alligevel at tænde op i pejsen. Med andre ord lærer han hende altså som 8-årig ”at lege med ilden” og dermed det farlige. ”flammerne gav genskin i hendes øjne, og lugten af røg bredte sig” (side 60, linje 9). Hun bliver fascineret af flammerne, men lugten af røg breder sig og en lugt der ikke er god.

Ved indflyvningen over København på vej hjem fra skiferien får Karl overblik over, hvad der egentlig kan ske af ting i et helt liv i København, som blot kan gå ubemærket hen. Nok kan det være at Karls kone udnytter Karl af materielle hensyn, fordi hun ved, at han er hende utro, men der er ingen, der tør bryde op med det. Ikke en gang Karls bror Heinz, der tror, at han redder deres ægteskab ved blandt andet at invitere dem på kaffe og føle han gør dem en tjeneste for deres forhold. Den ensomhed der opstår i noget, som mange ellers kunne have troet var ”lykken” eller det ”rigtige” sted at bo, kan være et af temaerne i Katrine Marie Guldagers novelle. Den individuelle evige stræben efter at tilfredstille sine egne behov, men som aldrig stopper, fordi man aldrig ville kunne dokumentere ene direkte lykke, uanset hvor eller hvornår man befinder sig i livet. Pandekagerne til sidst kan netop være en symbol på denne ensomhed; Karls datter laver pandekager til én person. Der skal kun én af hver ingrediens i, så allerede fra Karls datter er helt lille lærer hun hvordan, hun selv må finde ud af at stræbe efter sin egen lykke. Et tema der også dukker op kan være fremmedgørelsen af os mennesker over for hinanden. For når der bor ca. 1 mio. indbyggere i København, burde der da være masser af folk, der har det på præcis samme måde som Karl, men som aldrig ville kunne være noget for hinanden, fordi de ligesom Karl har lukket sig inde i deres egen lille livskuppel og ikke har plads til andre end sig selv og deres stræben efter lykken.

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