Writing an essay is not as much about the end product as it is the journey to get there. You may possess the most expansive vocabulary, but the one variable that shows through your writing is time. Time is the one factor that shows improvement, effort, and persistence. Without time, the journey would not exist. Step one in the journey is throwing ideas on to paper. Throwing refers to the chaos of that first step. In my case, the throwing of ideas was evident in the lack of cohesion and argument. This action of throwing is only able to happen if the topic is of meaning to the writer. The topic I chose, the benefits of immersion programs to help learn a language, is something I am very passionate about. I've been lucky enough to experience it …show more content…
This seemed daunting at the time, however I knew it had to happen. Unlike my first attempt, I had wrote an outline on the back of my first draft. I kept in tact what I new to be true about essays, intro, support, conclusion, and created room for an argument and counterargument. In setting up this outline, with the guidance I received after meeting with my teacher, I was able to realize how to approach this a second time. To start, I removed my "argument" (In order to acquire a new language, one must be willing to experience a language and culture behind it). I replaced it with, "A less costly alternative to language immersion is necessary to provide students an opportunity to improve speaking a second language". At the time, this resolved the confusion by clearly stating what I was going to contrast while arguing the expense being a problem. At this stage, the structure had to change. I started by separating the two topics in the evidence section of my essay. In addition, I removed all evidence and paragraphs that showed the negative impact of just learning in school. I also tried to cut down on the usage of narratives that was prevalent in my first draft. I also deleted, "To conclude, the methods most conducive to learning a new language are those that mimic the process one would follow as if learning ho to speak from birth. It only makes sense that we find common ground between …show more content…
Unlike my first draft, I made clear that the alternative was immersion. I felt as if my essay was beginning to come together. I knew that there was still a long way to go, but when submitting this draft I felt as if I put in utmost