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The Reality Behind the Life of an Adopted Child

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Reality behind the Life of an Adopted Child

Anong magiging reaksyon nyo pag nalaman nyo na you were just an Adopted Child?
Siguro iba sa inyo mag fe-freak out, o iiyak, o mag-jo-joke pa sa mga magulang like “Ma, Pa is this a prank? Where’s the camera?” sabay tingin sa paligid, mag rerebelde, o magpapakamatay. Oh cut the crap! Ano naman ngayon kung malaman nyo na isa kayong ampon? Walang masama doon. Kaya if ever nga nagkaganon wag muna kayong maghanap at humawak ng blade saka nyo lalaslasin yang mga pulso nyo o di kaya humanap ng lubid at magbigti. Kasalanan sa Diyos ang magpakamatay. Read my story first and see the reality behind the life of an adopted child.

Alam ko hindi na bago sa inyo yung stories about adopted child kasi napanood na natin to sa mga teleserye sa tv. Ang kaibahan lang nun sa tunay na buhay, scripted sya.

Kadalasan ng kwentong adopted sa teleserye ay predictable. Tipong ipinaampon si Petra tapos napunta sa mayamang pamilya tapos inaalipin at ginawang muchacha. O di kaya napunta sa mahirap na pamilya tapos syang yung pinagbuhusan ng pagmamahal ng foster parents tapos yung mga tunay na anak ng foster parents nakaramdam ng inggit kay Petra at ayun, ginawa nilang miserable ang buhay nito. At ang ending ng storya, nakita nya yung mga tunay nyang magulang tapos mayaman pala sya. Oh diba? Ganyan kadalasan ang mga napapanood natin. Ibang-iba sa mga nangyayari sa tunay na buhay.

*

Bata pa lang ako ramdam ko na ang pagmamahal sakin ng mga magulang ako, pati na mga tita ko, pinsan ko at lola ko. Halos iparamdam nila sakin na espesyal ako sa kanila. Kada may lakad, lagi akong kasama. Lumaki ako kasama mga tita at lola ko dahil laging busy magulang ko sa pagtatrabaho. Naalala ko pa every Friday ng hapon hanggang Sunday ng gabi dun ako sa mga lola ko o di kaya sa mga tita ko ako nag s-stay dahil nga walang mag-aalaga sakin. I forgot to tell you guys, I’m an only child. Yes. Wala kong kapatid at nung mga panahon yon, hindi ko alam kung bakit wala kong kapatid kahit na minsan akong humiling sa kanila na gusto ko ng kapatid. Namuhay ako katulad ng ibang bata sa maglalaro sa umaga hanggang magdilim kasama mga childhood friends ko. Naenjoy ko din ang kabataan ko. Until one time came na nagpabago sa buhay ko…

Back when I was 9 years old, nag mall kami ng mom ko syempre bata mahilig sa laruan I used to pick every toy I see and ask her to buy it and without hesitation my mom bought it all. I know medyo nakakapanibago yun that time kasi my mom is so kuripot lalo na sa mga bagay na yun na walang katuturan. Hindi sya maglalabas ng pera agad agad.

After that, we went to food court kasi nga that time puno ung mga restaurants. I don’t remember na kung bakit, may occasion yata yun kaya ayun food court bagsak namin. I’m on the middle of playing my toys when my mom talked. Naaalala ko pa conversation namin nun.

“anak may sasabihin si mommy sayo.”
Tuloy lang ako sa paglalaro nun.
“ano po yun?”
Dahil nga magkatapat kami, umalis sya sa harap ko pagkatapos ay tumabi sakin. Niyakap pa ko.
“anak kasi-“
Hindi masabi ng mom ko yung dapat nyang sabihin kasi bigla syang umiyak. Syempre ako bata naiyak din ako at tsaka sino bang anak ang hindi maiiyak pag nakita nating umiiyak ang nanay natin diba.
“bakit ka umiiyak? Dahil po ba kay daddy?”
Yan yung tanong ko kasi when I was young laging nag aaway parents ko.
“hindi anak. *sniff* kasi anak may sasabihin si mommy sana wag sumama loob mo.”
“ano po ba yon?”
“anak alam mo naman na mahal ka namin ng daddy mo kahit na ang kulit kulit mo.”

Hindi ako sumasagot nun kasi totoo, wala namang perpektong tao e. Aminado ako na hindi ako naging mabait na bata noong mga panahong iyon kasi lagi akong laman ng guidance, malala pa doon lagi ko din silang kasama sa guidance kasi pinapatawag sila ng school ko dati. Maangas, maldita, at magaspang ang pag-uugali ko dati. Lagi akong may inaaway at pinapaiyak na bata. Dakilang bully ako dati.

“anak kahit ganun anak pa rin kita, kahit na hindi ka galling sakin.”

That was the time na “ahhh… alam ko na.” yun na yung pumasok sa isip ko pero ramdam ko sa mom ko yung hirap na sabihin sakin ung salitang yon kaya ako na ang nagsabi. Ako na ang nagbigay ng ultimatum.

“So, ampon lang pala ko.”
I said between my sobs. Nakakagulat lang kasi wala kaming ginawa kundi mag iyakan that time. Nalaman ko din na kaya hindi sumama dad ko dahil hindi nya kaya na sabihin sakin kaya kay mom nya ko ipinaubaya.

Nung una medyo natatanggap ko na sya pero may time na hindi kasi masakit tanggapin. At the back of my mind maraming questions that remain unanswerable. Like bakit ganto? Bakit ganyan? Anong dahilan?

Pero kahit na ganoon ang nangyari, pilit nilang ipinauunawa sakin na walang magbabago. Hindi na nila ipinaalam sakin ang iba pang nangyari basta alam ko lang. Ibinenta ako at sila ang nakabili sakin. Masakit isipin diba? Kaya since that moment I kept it as a secret and share it only to those people I really trust.

After the revelations from my parents medyo nagbago ako, hindi na ako ung laging palaaway siguro na rin dahil sa nahihiya na rin ako sa kanila dahil all this time puro sakit ng ulo ang ibinibigay ko sa kanila. Ako na ung umiwas sa ibang bata para lang hindi na mapaaway pero kahit anong iwas ko meron at meron pa rin akong nakakaaway.

Grade three ako ng maikwento ko sa isang teacher ko yung about sakin, umiiyak kasi ako sa klase noon, uwian at syempre dahil teacher they serves as our second mother sa second home natin which is school. There, she said I was so lucky to have parents like them.

The next day, nagulat na lang ako kasi bigla akong inasar asar na ampon pagdating ko sa school. Kahit yung teacher na napagsabihan ko nung secret ko ay nagulat din. At the end of the day, nalaman ko na habang kinukwento ko yung mga bagay na yun sa teacher ko meron palang nag-eavesdrop samin and presto! He made a revenge to me kapalit ng pang aaway ko sa kanya dati. Hindi ko naman sya masisi nung oras na yun kasi ilang beses ko na rin syang inaway at pinaiyak. Karma lang siguro yun.

Kahit sa mga pinsan ko nagkaroon ng changes mula nung nalaman nila na ampon ako. Akala ko masakit na nung sinabihan ako ng batang gumanti sakin na ampon ako pero mas masakit pala pag yung mga pinsan mo na mismo yung nagsabi sayo na “Ampon ka lang! Ampon ka lang”. Tinatanggihan nila din akong isali sa mga laro nila o di kaya pag nagpumilit ako bigla sila kakanta ng “Uwian na, Hindi na masaya. May papampam kasi.” Kung alam nyo yung tono.

Kahit ganon ang trato nila sakin, hindi pa rin nawawala sa isip ko na pinsan ko pa rin sila. Tanggap naman ako ng lahat ng kamag-anak ko naiisip ko na lang na baka nabigla lang sila. Hanggang sa kinausap sila ng nanay ko at nabalik ulit ung samahan namin. Hindi na nila ako madalas asarin na ampon kasi alam nilang magagalit nanay ko.

From private school kelangan kong lumipat sa public school because of financial problem.
Two years lang naman yun. Pero sa loob ng two years na yon feeling ko nasa impyerno ako.
Kung dati, ako yung bully sa private school pagdating ko sa public ako na ang binubully. Lalo na nang nalaman nila ang sitwasyon ko, they took advantage to that. Parang gago kasi yung pinsan ko e, nag away lang kami pinagkalat na agad. Na-experience ko na hindi makasali sa mga contests dahil lang sa pagiging ampon ko. Dun ako nakaramdam ng matinding racial discrimination. Pag nag-aasaran sila biglang mapupunta sakin tapos ayun dire-diretso na yon. Hindi ko sila pinapansin pero syempre tao lang ako, umiikli ang pasensya napapaaway ulit ako. Isa pa sa unforgettable experience ko is may taong talagang nananakit sakin physically, nandoon na pagpapasok ako bigla biglang nananapak sa braso sabay mang aasar na ampon stuffs like that. Kaya sinumbong ko na sa tatay ko at ayun hindi na sya nanakit. Akala ko tapos na sya sa pang-aasar pero yun pala hindi pa rin. Kaya ako, hindi ko na lang sya pinapansin.

Isa sa mga achievement ko is isa ko sa member ng volleyball team namin dati na sinalihan ko. Isinantabi nila yung mga bagay na alam nila tungkol sakin at tinanggap nila ko open arms and whole-heartedly. Sa kanila ko naranasan na may kaibigan pa pala ko na magtatanggol sakin. Kaso habang nasa game kami, nainjure ang tuhod at ankle ko. Yung feeling na nawalan ka ngpangarap, masakit e. Dun ako magaling, too bad bawal na ko mag volleyball.

Graduation. Isa sa event ng buhay ko na ayaw ko nang balikan. Alam ko dapat masaya diba pero hindi kasi ako masaya, sa school na yon ko naramdaman ung pain and sufferings. Maraming luha ang nasayang ko. Dagdag pa don na mas pinili ng nanay ko ung pagtatrabaho kesa umattend sa graduation ko. oh diba? Sinong matutuwa non. Pinagpalit ka sa trabaho.

Nag-sink in na naman sakin ung pagiging adopted ko. Naisip ko sino nga ba ko? Ampon lang naman nila ako e bakit nila ko pag aaksayahan ng oras. Nakakaiyak isipin at masakit tanggapin.

Dumaan ang high school, pinili kong ilihim sa sarili ko ang tunay na pagkatao ko. Mahirap na kasi baka mas malala pa ang maranasan ko kesa sa naranasan ko nung elementary even though may batchmates ako dati na kasama ko nung high school, pero hindi ko sila napakiusapan na manahimik na lang at naipagkalat nila ang tungkol sakin. Medyo okay naman sakin ang nangyari kasi natanggap nila ko at hindi nila ako agad hinusgahan di kagaya ng elementary batchmates ko at masaya ako dun. Pinakiusapan ko na lang ung ibang nakakaalam na wag na nilang ikalat at itago na lang nila yun sa mga sarili nila.

High school, hindi maiiwasan na magkaroon ng comparison sa pagitan namin ng pinsan ko na matalino samantalang ako average lang. Madalas akong makarinig sa nanay ko ng si ganto, Matalino, ganyan dapat ginagaya mo sya. Masakit sakin lalo na pag may achievement si ganyan, proud na proud sya tapos pag ako ung may achievement, wala lang. Parang nagdaan lang sa kanya kaya minsan hindi naiiwasan nasasagot ko sila tungkol dun. Ang resulta? Ayun nauungkat at nauungkat ang di dapat maungkat at sobrang sakit kasi magulang mo na mismo ang sumasampal sa pagmumukha mo ng bagay na ganon. Buti na lang may sarili akong kwarto nakatulong iyon para umiyak ako mag-isa. Naiisip ko pa nga noon, ano bang laban ko sa kadugo? Sampid lang naman ako sa pamilyang to. Naranasan ko pa na pag may ipabibili ako, pinapagalitan pa ko pero pag ‘sila’ ung nagpapabili labas agad sya ng pera. See the difference?

Lagi kaming nag aaway ng nanay ko at kada nag-aaway kami tabla na agad ako. Naisip ko magrebelde pero hindi ko tinuloy dahil kahit papaano sumasagi sa isip ko ang kahihiyan. Pero dumating yung time na tinamad ako mag-aral nawala ako sa honor roll. Ikaw ba naman magkaroon ng nanay na ganun hindi ka ba tatamarin?

Pero binago ko lahat yun kasi naisip ko kung ipagpapatuloy ko yun, sino bang mahihirapan? Ako lang din naman.

Ngayon, masasabi ko nang malaki ang pagbabago ko kasi dahil sa experiences kong yun mas naging strong akong tao, Mas matured. Hanggat maaari pinipigilan ko na ang sarili ko na wag sumagot sa magulang ko. Nagkaroon kasi ako ng maliit lang naman na galit sa kanila pero wala na yun ngayon.

I KNOW HABANG BINABASA NYO TO NAPAPAISIP KAYO KUNG GALIT BA KO SA TUNAY KONG MGA MAGULANG.

Masasabi kong OO pero hindi rin. Naiisip ko din kasi baka mahirap sila at sa sobrang hirap nila ayun naisipan nila na ibenta ako. Oo kasi pakiramdam ko isa akong hayop na iniwan nila at ipinamigay. Oo kasi hindi sila nag-iingat. Oo kasi pabaya sila.

Pero hindi rin. Hindi rin kasi kundi dahil sa ginawa nilang pagbenta sakin baka nagpapagala-pagala na lang ako sa kalsada, na baka isa na ako sa mga call girl sa Quiapo, na baka maaga akong nag asawa at nag-anak.

Hindi maiiwasan na may galit parin talaga ako sa kanila, kung sino man sila. May time na hindi ko nababati ng ‘Happy Mother’s/Father’s day’ sila nanay ko at tatay kasi feeling ko binabati ko rin sila, eh yung galit ko para sa kanila nararamdaman ko pa rin.

Thankful ako kasi ang ganda ng buhay na tinatamasa ko ngayon. Nakakakain ako ng higit sa tatlong beses isang araw, may bahay akong tinitirhan, may mga magulang ako na kumupkop at nagmamahal sakin, nakakapag aral ako hindi lang sa public kundi private school at university. Naibibigay lahat ng gusto ko.

I shared this story of mine hindi para kaawaan at kainggitan ako o kung anuman kundi para ipaalam na kahit adopted o hindi pantay pantay lang tayo. As long as nararamdaman natin na mahal tayo ng magulang na kumupkop satin let’s take it as a blissful blessing at ibalik din natin yun sa kanila. All of us are not perfect kaya okay lang na magkamali pero kailangan natin magsorry sa nagawa natin at itama natin ung mga maling bagay na nagawa natin.

Kung may kakilala man kayo na adopted gaya ko, treat them the best you could. Yung walang halong discrimination tao lang din kami may damdamin at marunong masaktan. Damayan sya pag may problema. Meron kasing mga adopted na gaya ko na pag nalaman nila na ampon lang sila nagrerebelde o di kaya nagpapakamatay. Hindi kasi nila matanggap. Kahit ako hindi ko din naman agad na natanggap yon kasi masakit. Masakit ang katotohanan pero we need to move on at kailangan nating tanggapin yon whether we like it or not.

Alam ko din na hindi lahat ng adopted e, kasing swerte gaya ko. Merong adopted na napupunta sa pamilya na sabihin nating may hindi magandang family background o di kaya pamilya na laging nag-aaway.

Masarap mabuhay. Kahit na may times na feeling natin may kulang. It’s our choice kung hahanapin pa natin sila or hindi na.

And my choice is NO, wala na kong balak na hanapin pa sila. Masaya na ko sa buhay ko ngayon.

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...carefully use power to judge, to reason, to distinguish the false from the truth, good from evil, ugly from beauty, are qualities that have formed through schooling and this need increases itself as soon as it is stimulated. At some point, one does not even require guardianship regarding culturalization. Cultural plurality, once internalized, awakens and opens new possibilities. Thus, culture gives birth to culture. School should potentiate and develop in students the capacity for adaptability and understanding not only in terms of knowledge, but also that of true culture, knowing how to use what one knows to behave intelligently and lead a remorseless existence. Conditions of modern life require that every human has to learn every day; school is where learning starts and this learning that the child receives should provide what is necessary so that, in the future, self-improvement would be employed: education and teaching are thus an initiation, an opening. A series of acquisitions of cultural goods, by their presence, does not guarantee empowerment of individuals. A genuine culture is actually a set of objects possessing two qualities while apparently contradictory: first, to proliferate in a horizon of universality, to flirt with transcendence and then allow an approximation of a single irreducible topic, to have potentiality of molding the individual in such a way to prepare him for the unpredictable. The elevation of a free individual requires not only a sharing of knowledge...

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The Arena

...parent luckily remains just that in most instances. However, every once in a while the nightmare becomes shockingly brutal reality and someone loses their child. A grief, completely unimaginable for anyone who has never experienced it, is laid upon one as if it was a carpet of lead. For many people it is the sole aim that they have built their life around and with the blink of an eye it is gone. How does a parent cope with this unparalleled pain? And is it possible to repress the memories and start a new life after an absolute lowpoint? It is exactly this issue the short story ”The Arena” by Martin Golan provides an insight to. The short story was written in 2008 and the setting is a father, who is also the first person narrator, driving his son to the local New Jersey suburb sports arena early in the morning. His son is attending an away game with his lacrosse team and is being dropped off at the team bus waiting outside the large ”structure of steel and cinder block” locally known as the Arena. On his way there, the narrator’s mind starts wandering due to a mixture of early morning clarity and the deserted suburbian roads and it is soon made clear what his thoughts are surrounding. The father lives with his wife and their son, whom he is in the car with, but his thoughts keep circling around his previous life with another woman and their adopted, now deceased, son Willie. The traumatic event of losing his son in a traffic accident is still haunting him and he struggles...

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"The Search for Identity Depends on Much More Than a Name." Jhumpa Lahiri in What Ways Do Jhumpa Lahiri and Sean Penn Explore the Identity of Their Central Characters?

...minor characters and imagery, Lahiri and Penn endeavour to demonstrate the effects of culture, childhood and family, in particular, on shaping individuality. Diverse settings are employed by Lahiri and Penn to portray culture and its influence on the personas of the central characters. A ceremonial setting is common to both texts and foreshadows the protagonist's desire to retreat from his traditions. Gogol's 'annaprasan' is a customary Indian rice ritual for newborn children, who 'confront [their] destiny' by selecting a 'clump of soil ... ballpoint pen, [or] ... dollar bill' from a plate, respectively representing 'a landowner, scholar or businessman.' Gogol's refusal to choose an object, a rare act, alludes to his reluctance later in life to identify with Bengali culture. Similarly, the formality of Chris' graduation ceremony, established through the thousands of students wearing graduation outfits and musicians playing on bagpipes, is interrupted by Chris' aberrant leap onto the stage when his name is announced,...

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