To Choose or Not to Choose
When I read this topic, I knew right away this was going to be my essay subject. In the world of dating, I feel very strongly about whether you should choose your own dates. I have had the experience of allowing someone to arrange a date for me, which has only solidified my feelings on the matter. Although there are some advantages in going on an arranged date, I feel the disadvantages are far greater. So when asked “to choose or not to choose?” The answer is simple; I say “choose!”
In the world of dating, what I consider the “pre-date” stage is that period of time when you decide to ask someone of interest out on a date, choose the time and place, and work out the details. With a bit of luck they will agree and then with much anticipation, you wait and prepare for the event. How you initially meet a person will vary; it could be someone from your social circle, someone you meet by chance or even someone you have conversed with online. In every scenario, someone has caught your attention and you decide to put yourself “on the line” and ask them out. Not so in an arranged date. One strong advantage to the “arranged” or “blind date” is there is little to no “pre-date” effort on your part because the work is done for you by a third party. There is no chance that you may be turned down or have your pride hurt, because the date itself is a sure thing. Consequently, there is also no guarantee of any attraction on your part. You have no idea if any chemistry will exist, if you will have anything in common, and you must rely on someone else to know you very well.
The date itself presents another set of issues. I find in a date of my own choosing there has usually been some previous conversation and therefore the “first date” discussion has the potential to be much more relaxed. Commonalities have been established and the initial mutual attraction has been ascertained. The time leading up to the actual date is mostly pleasant with a hint of excitement or anticipation. That was not been my experience in my “arranged date” situation. What is normally a feeling of anticipation grew to be more closely described as a feeling of anxiety. When the day of the date actually arrived, I discovered that although there was no chemistry on my end, she was very interested in spending more time with me. I tried to handle her enthusiasm as diplomatically as possible. At times during the date, I seriously contemplated the sanity of my friend (and would tell him so years later). In contrast to dates I have chosen, the conversation felt strained and flat. I was very relieved when the evening finally came to an end.
The “postdate” stage is also worth noting as well. After a date, there may be a follow up call, a second date, or a mutual “let’s be friends” feeling, at times even a “thanks but no thanks” ending. Regardless of the outcome the conclusion is based solely on your feelings. Even if the parting is unpleasant, it reflects only on the two people involved. Not so in the case of an arranged date. After such an event, there is the recounting of the events, outcome, and general explanation of feelings that must be shared with the person who arranged the date for you. You may deal with additional disappointment if things end in disinterest. Additionally, you must also take into account that the person you went on the date with may have a continuing relationship with the person who arranged the date for you, making it possible for there to be awkward encounters in your future.
In conclusion, I believe that deciding between an “arranged” date and a “date of your choice” is a no-brainer. I believe most stressors in a “date of your choice” situation, generally occur pre-date. In my experience, the benefits of not making yourself vulnerable to early rejection as in an “arranged” date, is dwarfed by the stress of the unknown and additional pressures of allowing someone else to decide what is best for you. So personally, if given a choice to choose or not to choose? Once again, I say choose!