Codependence as Wikipedia refer “is type of dysfunctional helping relationship where one person supports or enables another person's addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement.[1] Among the core characteristics of codependency, the most common theme is an excessive reliance on other people for approval and identity”.
Usually codependency is view as simply being a part of a dysfunctional relationship or family. Many times we can find codependence among addiction. It’s often when one of the people in relationship does everything in their power to help and protect other person and during this process they are loosing themes. They forget about their own existence. It’s devastating for individuals to stay in that kind of relation. This is the one of the reason that I thing the book “The New Codependency “by Melody Beattie is highly recommended. I could see that book as very helpful tool that we as counselors could use in therapy. If we consider using any self education work books, for working with codependence I would definitely recommended that one. Materials such as questions and quizzes help us organize the work progress and find spots we need to focus on with our clients. Reading the book and working on assignments could help answer a lot of questions that person in tangled relationship could have. It also make individual to look deep inside, view and evaluate situation they are in and place that they are at. In some cases people focus so much on recovering and fixing relationship that they forget about importance of themselves. What happens often in that situation, the ones who care are looking for relieve in pills, drugs or alcohol. If the individual is not able to face struggles they going to, the stress build up and then at the most unwanted moment it explodes. To Care for others is normal. No one wants to be alone in life. Sometimes when we forget about ourselves we start being used and abused. At that moment is very hard to stop for one second and ask for help. Circle is moving to fast and we start to feel like we are loosing it. When you find yourself in codependent relationship, you build up schemas that you using in different situation. Working on that book help to see red flags that prevent individuals from getting lost. Going too deep into relationships to reach a point where they lose themselves. This book could made people to realize that they have a voice and right to express it. Sometimes is not the easiest think to do, for instance we need to detach from the ones that harm us. The problem I see out here is how to do it, if we use to live in that kind situation for years. The book “The New Codependency “will give us some directions on how in safe way say NO MORE.
From my personal sate of view, I find this book a great lecture. It was easy understandable and simple read. Part of the reasons I like this book and enjoy reading it, is that I could relate to some aspects of it. I think that this book is great for therapist as well as for our client. It makes us think about aspects we do not pay attention to a daily basis. Allow us to stop for a second and focus on some situations that are important to whom we are. Find out reasons we act and behave in certain way. It helps us to look at our relations from different perspective. Book starts with author talking about addiction and struggles that she went trough. Because of language that every person can relate to, it let us see our relations from different aspects. From our side of codependency. How sometimes we manipulate people to do what we need them to do, and on other side how we let people manipulate us. I use world “how we let people”, that is important. By reading this book I understand that I let people hurt me. As people staying in codependent relation, we allow people hurt us, not because we want that but because we do not have any other abilities to act in other ways. That why I think that book is so useful for people in harsh relationships. Codependence is our own dysfunction. It’s about how we think, feel, how we handle our emotions. Maybe it is because we didn’t work things out in our past relationship or maybe is hided in our childhood. But we can’t blame anyone else that we use those kind mechanisms to react with others. We act in certain ways to protect from feeling alone or bad, unconfutable. Only person who can fix it is us. We need to look deep in to ourselves to find reasons, realize mechanisms and change it. The book “The New Codependency” definitely can bring us closer to find out who we are and help us be free.