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Coping

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Coping
Ashlee Rhodes
Psychology 101- AAH-H1-201430
Toby Bennett
Ivy Tech Community College
4/12/15

Coping is a response to psychological stress (UCLA, n.d). Many things can cause stress: death of a loved one, loss of job, a break up, etc. Most people associate stress with bad situations, but not just bad things can cause stress. Getting a new job, getting a new house, a new relationship, or a new child are some “happy” things that can be stressors (UCLA, n.d). Maladaptive coping mechanisms are ineffective, counterproductive and are often used unconsciously (UCLA,n.d).
Everyone has different coping mechanisms they use with the stress in their lives. Some of these coping mechanisms are: humor, seeking support, problem solving, relaxation, physical recreation, anticipating various outcomes, denial, self-blame, and venting (UCLA, n.d). Some of these mechanisms are healthy ones to use, while others are not. Denial, self-blame, and occasionally venting (if you vent too much, it can put a strain on relationships with other people) are maladaptive coping mechanisms. The first six coping mechanisms on the list, can be maladaptive if overused, but in moderation, can be efficient coping mechanisms.
My coping mechanisms tend to be maladaptive. I have been trying to learn new, healthy coping mechanisms and it has been a slow, ongoing process. When I was younger, I had no idea how to cope with stress, so I resorted to unhealthy or maladaptive behaviors such as nail biting, seclusion, and hitting myself.
I would and still do bite my nails when I get nervous and or stressed. When I was younger, my mom tried getting me to stop biting my nails by telling me about a parasite that would get under your nails when you played in the dirt and when you didn’t wash your hands and bit your nails, the parasite would get into your system and make you sick. I did listen to her for a while, but I continued to bite my nails and I’ve never really have stopped. This is an unhealthy behavior because of the chances of biting down too far and damaging the nail bed.
Also, another way I coped with stress when I was younger was seclusion. If I got stressed out or anxious at school, I would seclude myself from others and not speak. Due to that, people assumed I was stuck up or disliked them. I have gotten better and I no longer seclude myself like I did.
When I would get extremely upset, I would hit myself as hard as I could. I did this because I felt like it got some of the frustration out and it distracted me from the actual problem. It wasn’t until I was older, that I learned that this was a form of self-harm.
As I got in my teenage years, I used better coping mechanisms in some ways but I used worse ones in other ways. I would continuously seeking support from friends. If they didn’t answer me, I would continuously text them and would get upset when they wouldn’t answer. I thought I was distracting myself from how I felt by texting them despite not receiving a reply. I just ended up annoying them and blowing up their phones with an unnecessary amount of messages.
I also escalated from just hitting myself with my hands to using heavy objects, for example, a stone incense holder. Occasionally, I would attempt to cut myself but never went through with it. I have stopped doing that but I still want to hit myself when I get really upset or stressed.
This is embarrassing to say, but when I was 14, I would use masturbation as a coping mechanism for stress. It became such a habit that it would get in the way of everyday things. Also, it never really made me feel better. I would just feel empty afterwards.
I did and still do blame myself for upsetting situations. The most recent situation was a couple of days ago when I had to withdraw from my math class so I wouldn’t fail and lose my scholarship.
I had rarely studied for the exams, which is what brought my grades so far down. Each test was 100 points and I had gotten 10% and 51% on the first two tests. I completely forgot when the third test was (which was last Monday) and I had missed it and was unable to make it up. So the best decision was to withdraw from the class. I was a complete wreck and it was completely my fault.
I was just crying my eyes out when I was away from my family and kept repeating that it was all my fault and I wasn’t going to go anywhere with my life. I can definitely say that this is an extremely unhealthy “coping” mechanism. I do realize that it was indeed my fault but I didn’t need to beat myself up as much as I did.
One of my worst coping mechanisms I have had was shop lifting. Any time I got upset, I would go to a store and steal a small item. Like nail polish or makeup, something that I could hide easily. I was never caught but I could have and I feel terrible about it now. I realize now that it never made me feel better and I never appreciate the item as much as I would have if I just bought it instead of stealing it.
In my junior year of high school, I was diagnosed with severe depression. I was put on medication and I have been better ever since. I went to therapy for a few months, which helped some, but it never really completely worked for me. As I was attending therapy, I was diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome.
These two things combined, made it difficult to cope with stress and upsetting situations. It has been difficult but I have learned more healthy ways of coping. I was taught about a breathing exercise that would calm me down. I had to inhale through my mouth for eight seconds and exhale through my nose for eight seconds. When I first started doing this exercise, I would get annoyed because any time I would get remotely upset, my mom would tell me to do my exercise. I didn’t do it for a while but then I sucked it up and did it.
When I turned 18, I started smoking. For the past two years, I have been using smoking as a coping mechanism for anything that was stressful. It is by far my most unhealthy coping mechanism. I know it is bad for me and I should quit but it is so hard. I have used it so much as a coping mechanism that I do not know what to do without it. I don’t know any coping mechanisms I can use to deal with the cravings. I have a few apps on my phone that should start helping me.
Most of the coping mechanisms that I have used throughout my life have been either unhealthy or maladaptive. I have been learning a few new coping mechanisms. For example, I use my passion for art as a coping mechanism.
About a year ago I started to draw in a new style called zentangle. Here is a drawing of mine:
The purpose of zentangle is to put your mind at ease while drawing. I have to say, it has worked wonderfully. I believe that this particular coping mechanism is healthy and productive one I have by far.
My main “coping” mechanism seems to be mostly self-blame. I cannot stop blaming myself for the stressful or bad things that happen to me, even if they are completely out of my control. It is extremely difficult for me to not blame myself.
It is very important for me to find health coping mechanisms because of the fact that most of my coping mechanisms that I currently have are considered unhealthy. I have a hard time seeking support from people when I need it. I tend to keep things bottled up inside until it becomes too much for me to handle.
While I still do have some bad coping mechanisms, I do have a few good ones. Also, I am actively searching for new coping mechanisms. I am considering doing physical activity as one and seeking support when I need it.
Having healthy coping mechanisms is key to having a good, happy life. If you are unable to cope with stressful situations, then you won’t make it far. If you do not have healthy coping mechanisms, you won’t be able to deal with stressful situations and it will eventually strain and or break your relationships with the people around you.

References
UCLA Dual Diagnosis Program. (n.d.). How do you cope? Retrieved April 15, 2015, from
http://www.semel.ucla.edu/dual-diagnosis-program/News_and_Resources/How_Do_You_Cope

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