During the past few weeks of the semester I became extremely interested in pursuing the topic of “buzzed driving is drunk driving”, within the commercial that hooked my infatuation a young man begins to lose everything that is good within his life because he chooses to drive while under the influence of alcohol. The man loses his nice clothes he has on in the commercial along with his girlfriend, his car, his jewelry and not to mention his so called “friends”. This particular scenario began to channel my inner curiosity and I thought and choose to pursue an answer for the question that had been brewing in my head, “Do people often choose who they associate with based on the things the person brings to the relationship”. It can be as simple as going to hang out with someone only because they have the latest gaming device on the market or it can be associating yourself with a certain group of people to make you look cooler. It can also go as extreme as only being friends with somebody to achieve another purpose or catapult other areas of your life because of this relationship. This scenario is one that I believe happens all too often and we don’t even realize that this has become the basis for how we choose to determine some of our relationships.
Social Exchange Theory applies directly into this scenario and I do not think it could be any more clear cut that this theory, it really is a perfect fit. Social Exchange Theory is when someone takes into account the good and bad aspects of a relationship and determines whether or not solely based on the pros and cons to further the relationship with that person. As I stated in the previous paragraph I believe this happens all the time, especially among younger children all the way up to my age as a college kids. As a young child you always want to play with the kid who has the latest toy or game. At that young of an age kids who hang out together are not worried about egos or hating each other when you are that young everyone pretty much likes everyone and you determine who you hang out with by who you have more fun with. I have learned through research that most of the time how much you have directly correlates back to the possessions that someone owns. Normally kids have the most fun with the more advanced possessions that they have. This generation is such a technology driven generation that it is essential to keep up with the times I would say. Young kids all the way up to teenagers hardly go outside and play actively anymore. If you one of your best friends has the new Xbox ONE and one has a GameCube….You get the picture I am trying to portray. In order to make this theory a little clearer I have an example, when I was younger I had two kids that I hung out with that were the same age I am. I hung out with both of them pretty much the same amount of time, I was pretty good as dispersing my time among the two of them. They both had pretty much the same stuff, the standard video games, a basketball hoop, and a couple four wheelers. Pretty much anything you need to have fun when you are a kid in junior high. Right before school got out for the summer after my seventh grade year one of my friends’ families decided that they were going to get a pool installed for the upcoming summer. I remember when I found out the news I remember I was probably as excited as my friend was and I could not wait until they got that thing into the back yard. No one around my area had a pool so this was huge for my friends and I. Surely I can bet you can guess what happened as well. That whole summer I spent A LOT more time with that friend whose parents purchases the pool, an overwhelming amount of time at that friend’s house and it eventually cost me another friendship with someone I cared a bunch about. At the time I can remember my parents suggesting that all three of us should hang out at the same time so no one is left out of each of our plans for that day. Only that was not possible though because my two friends had feuding parents who hated each other and would not allow their children to be at either of those particular houses. So I made a choice and at the time I didn’t even realize it. I truly believe that we do not even realize we are doing this most of the time either. If you would have asked me this question high school I would have laughed and refused to believe this was how I and many others choose to determine our relationships. I would have replied to the question of “why do you hang out with such and such” with “I hang out with such and such because he is a fun person to be around”, when in reality the answer should have been “I hang out with such and such because the possessions he have make him fun to be around”. As children and younger adults this is so much more common than in adults that have paved a life for themselves. Adults choose to associate with people for more of a social aspect rather than a materialistic aspect I have concurred. An example of this taking place would be a friend my dad has had for many years and when I asked him why he continued the relationship with him through all these years and he replies “Steve is the funniest guy I have ever met; the man lights up a room faster than anyone I have ever seen”. I am sure obviously you could find cases where adults use each other for things but I don’t believe that is done unintentionally as an adult, when you use someone as an adult I believe the scenario it presents is intentional and that is where the difference lies.
Politeness Theory is another theory that I believe has a direct correlation within this scenario. I think it is obvious that people are generally nicer to people that they want to like them as a person or someone they think they can personally benefit from. It is proven and I know we have all seen this theory in action that people are in fact nicer to people they want to be associated with or can eventually benefit from. One example I thought about when thinking about how I could explain how this theory happens and I thought of the movie “The Iceman” that I had recently watched on Netflix. During the course of this movie a young man becomes eligible for a job that will be completely chosen at random between twenty five people. The man who is eligible for the job, Lenny Kakuzi, decides to do a little back ground check on his boss to scan his interests and hobbies so he can potentially attempt to look like he has the same interests as the boss to maybe potentially have that play a part in him getting the coveted promotion he is chasing. To make a long story short the potential employee begins showing up to the same places the boss plans to be attending to make him think that they both are kind of the same person to help persuade the boss to hire him because he is someone the boss could stand to be around daily. This example may sound very hazy but if you have seen the movie you will understand that the man seeking hire was totally out of place at the events and places that he went. He stuck out like a sore thumb to put it plainly and pursued the relationship just for what he had to gain. This scenario I believe is just as present in adults as in children. During the adolescent years kids are just longing to fit in. I was fortunate enough to have been a very good athlete in high school, I cannot remember how many times kids would try to change the person they are to obtain the “jock” status so they could hang out with us. Kids change their image constantly to fit in with the group they think will make them look the coolest or presents the most benefits for them. Adults, as I stated above, are just as guilty in this regard as well just not within the same boundaries as children.
The argument against what I believe to be present in this scenario will never change. People will always continue to argue that they strictly hang out with the person for what the person brings to the table only, with the possessions they possess being icing on the cake. That has been the argument with this subject forever. I don’t know if this could fall farther from the actual truth. People I believe find themselves embarrassed when you break this question down to them and the how and why thought process you use choosing how and why you associate with people. I talked to many people of whom most of them I would consider good friends. Friends that I have spent a decent amount of time with. I asked these friends why they continually hang out with me, what is it that keeps them coming back over time and time again. After each time I asked the question to a different friend I got the answer I was dreading, “You’re a really cool guy Griffyn”, “You are really funny and a blast to be around”, and I knew that could not be farther from the answer. This I have concluded is the answer people give when they feel the question comes unexpectedly or they feel uncomfortable with sharing what the real answer would or should be. Sure I knew they thought I was cool or else they probably would not have been at my house in the first place. I do not know too many people who hang out with someone if they do not think they are at least somewhat cool as a person to hang out with from the get go. I was pondering a test that could get passed the general answer that people use to avoid the question of “Why do you hang out with me” and something I could potentially use that could potentially prove people wrong. Throughout the majority of the process I kept coming up with a whole lot of blank ideas, then the answer to my question came at a completely random time when I certainly least expected it too and I am sure glad that the answer was able to surface itself through an old professor. I was at a basketball game at the previous school I attended, Valparaiso University, when I ran into my old academic advisor and communications teacher Paul Oren after the game while in the Media room listening to the post-game interviews. After talking to Mr. Oren for a while I asked him if he had some insight in an area of communications for a final paper that I was trying to write. Mr. Oren agreed to sit down with me and try to explore possible avenues for the answer to my inquiry. After a couple hours of conversation he had come up with the perfect solution that I was looking for. He told me to sit down and right down all the things that we did at my current three best friend’s house or people that I currently spend the most time with. After I was finished writing down all the stuff I was able to do at each friend’s house, he asked me to imagine going to one of those friend’s house and being able to do absolutely none of the things that I have listed above their name, would I still want to hang out with them then? Doing this exercise truly gave me another perspective that I had totally never thought about. Two out of the three people I found myself saying no I would not want to hang out with them then or saying that it would definitely be harder to hang out with them if I could not do anything off the set list above that I had previously written down. This exercise truly made me recognize the rationality behind the reasons on how and why I choose to hang out with the people that I do. I understand that there are other outside influences that can also play a factor in this selection process but I believe this exercise gave me a basis on how to understand the rationality on how I choose to associate with the people that I do. This was a subject that I pretty much was in the dark about while doing the first couple days of research so I am extremely glad that I was able to find an answer to my question, especially when I least expected it.