millionaire mindset club

essential book summaries
HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE by Dale Carnegie
INTRODUCTION When Dale Carnegie first sat down to write How to Win Friends and Influence People he really didn’t realize exactly what a best seller it would be, nor did he realize that over 70 years later it would still be in print - and be acclaimed as ‘the best all time’ self-help book in the world. The book was first published in 1937 and was developed from the real life experiences of hundreds of people, rather than from just one person’s opinions. The idea for the book was brought about by the results of an investigation conducted by the Carnegie Foundation that was carried out to determine how people became financially successful. The investigation found that success took only fifteen percent of actual technical knowledge, and that the actual key to success rested on the other eighty five percent. This eighty five percent was identified as possessing skills in human engineering: the ability to get on with others well, your individual outlook and people skills. These results came as a shock to many at the time as these skills were not widely taught in courses or classes. A new concept had been discovered and a large hole emerged that needed to be filled by a new peopled-skilled class. This is how the Dale Carnegie Course In Effective Speaking and Human Relations was born – and the book a mere set of ideas on memo cards which were discussed and lectured on. These cards then began to grow, more ideas developed, and solutions were found via his students’ experiences. The cards grew into leaflets, then booklets and even a series of texts, before evolving into the acclaimed book How to Win Friends and Influence People. The book has been updated and revised over the years to make the subject matter relevant to the changing times and the final revise of the book was actually completed by Dale Carnegie’s wife following his death. Although updates were needed, the pure message and truth about human understanding and social interaction has not changed over time - making Dale Carnegie’s diagnosis of human interactions truly groundbreaking timeless in its appeal.

IN THIS SUMMARY INTRODUCTION MAIN BODY CONCLUSION 1 3 5

BELONG

BELIEVE

BECOME

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millionaire mindset club essential book summaries

HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE
MAIN BODY The most prominent tenet of How to Win Friends and Influence People focuses on and around the rule by which many people already live, but which they fail to implement successfully: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” For some people this is a baffling concept, but it is possible to live by it, and reap rewards as you go. So how exactly is this possible to live a life this way? Dale Carnegie describes this as taking an interest in the people around you, learning to listen, understanding their thoughts, feelings and desires; giving praise and encouragement of their ideas and goals; empathizing with them. Above all it is appreciating them and making them feel important, as this is something that we all yearn for in every aspect of our lives. Being recognized for our skills and being respected makes us happy - it makes us loyal. This shift in self-help by analyzing how you treat others can be very rewarding. You learn to adapt and compliment your people skills, and, in so doing, get what you want. Each chapter of How To Win Friends and Influence People is broken down into sections which begin by drawing us into the book by relating stories that involve iconic people, such as US presidents Roosevelt and Lincoln. As well, there are many examples given within the chapters that deal with the experiences of Carnegie’s students as they have adopted and applied the book’s principles. At the end of each chapter Dale Carnegie gives summary thoughts and lists the important points, making it easier to digest and reflect upon. When you come back to each chapter (Carnegie advises you to read each chapter twice), these summaries help to reinforce your learnings. 2. The big secret of dealing with people This section teaches you the importance of being positive in what you say and illustrates how powerful this can be. By expressing things in a positive way, you will appear to be a ‘complimenter’ rather than a ‘criticizer’. Focusing on and pointing out a person’s positive attitude, work ethic etc flatters them and boosts their ego – which in turn encourages them think kindly of you, and see you in a positive light. Say something positive to people as often as you can, without it becoming, or appearing to become, insincere. regret or which could jeopardize your “relationship” with them. By saying something negative you are adding to the conversation that which is unnecessary and which can make that person ‘halt’ without further progression. No one takes criticism kindly or lightly.

3. He who can do this has the whole world with him. He who cannot walks a lonely way. Point out how a person can be interested in you by pointing out your characteristics that they like and to which they can. By doing this you are able to be seen as a very interesting person, one that everyone wants to know and get along with. Your goal is to make yourself as widely liked as possible.

SECTION 2: SIX WAYS TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU 1. Do this and you’ll be welcome anywhere This section explains why it is important to show that you are genuinely interested in listening to the people that are in your life. Showing that you care about what they are saying and feeling goes a long way - it is a natural human response to like people who are interested in us. Having someone actively listening to us it makes us feel important, and learning this skill will make you welcome anywhere.

SECTION 1: FUNDAMENTAL TECHNIQUES IN HANDLING PEOPLE 1. If you want to gather honey, don’t kick over the beehive The main point of this statement is to help you to understand that when someone does something that you see as negative, or if you feel the need to complain or criticize a colleague, friend or partner, you should hold yourself back from saying something you might later

2. A simple way to make a good first impression This is all about smiling more. Often we walk through life lost in our own thoughts, not realizing that we don’t smile as much as we should. People find that if someone smiles at them it instantly makes them feel relaxed and comfortable.

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millionaire mindset club essential book summaries

HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE
By smiling more you are putting everyone around you at ease, and shows you to be happy and approachable. headed in your approach, that you are able to be the ‘bigger person’ in such situations.

3. If you don’t do this, you are headed for trouble Remembering faces is very important and remembering the right name to go with that face is even more imperative. If you are trying to improve your current working environment then take some time to regularly go over the staff pictures and names via the staffing lists. This allows you to make a mental image with the correct name. Calling someone by the wrong name can set you back, so make sure you take the time to the correct names to faces. If in doubt don’t say their name - divert the conversation by saying something positive.

2. A sure way of making enemies – and how to avoid it It is easier to make someone an enemy than a friend. By getting into a debate or telling a person that they are wrong about something will make them hostile towards you - no one likes to be told they are wrong. This is where the first section is reinforced – realizing the potential damage of negativity versus the strength of positivity will help you to get what you need from a situation.

3. If you are wrong, admit it If it turns out that you are wrong about something or have made an error, then take a deep breath and just admit it. By admitting you are wrong you are showing others that you are strong enough to do this. Many people, rather than admitting the truth, will lie in an attempt to avoid blame. Doing this only causes more problems further down the line and shows you to be untrustworthy. “The truth will set you free”.

4. An easy way to become a good conversationalist In this section we are reminded that learning to listen to others can make a big impact on people. Listening enables you to become a better conservationist because you will gather the information necessary to avoid long pauses or awkward silences.

5. How to interest people While listening, pick out things that you share in common and talk further about it. Don’t introduce new topics as that person may not share your views. Try to stick to topics that they bring up, letting them take the lead in the conversation. By listening to them, you flatter them and make them feel important – and this results in their positive opinion of you.

4. A drop of honey By focusing on the positives of a person when talking to them, they are able to accept bad or negative news better. If someone has written you a report, for example, and it is not up to scratch, talk about the good things they have done before pointing out their mistakes. In this wat you are able to take the focus off the negative and promote the positive. 5. The secret of Socrates Socrates was a philosopher who espoused the belief that if you are trying to convince someone of your views then it is best to begin the conversation with things that you know the other person will agree with. After they agree, get them to acknowledge that they have done so on that point. Having this agreement at the outset makes it easier for them to continue agreeing.

6. How to make people like you instantly This is where you make it clear that the person you are speaking to is important to you. Making people feel important is a physiologically sound, key focus of this book.

SECTION 3: HOW TO WIN PEOPLE TO YOUR WAY OF THINKING. 1. You can’t win an argument It is important to recognize if and when an argument is about to arise, and having the sense to walk away from it. By doing this you show others that you are level

6. The safety valve in handling complaints If someone comes to you with a complaint then allow them to say what they need, without interrupting them, as this allows them to feel that their point has been listen to fully. Once they have finished you will find that the steam

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millionaire mindset club essential book summaries

HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE they began with has now dissipated as they have been able to “get it off their chest”. Now is the time you are able to reason with them calmly to solve their problem. 11. The movies do it; TV does it – Why don’t you do it? Make your ideas into stories from your experiences to which others can relate. All of the best ideas and thoughts are easier to understand if they can be easily visualized. By visualizing it as you speak, and allowing listeners to do the same, your ideas will become ‘real’ to them.

7. How to get co-operation After outlining your thoughts at the beginning of a conversation, when you come to your final point you should ask a vital question: “So what do you think?” In so doing, you are giving an invitation to voice an opinion on the subject. By working the response into your original point, you can create the impression that the idea was the other person’s from the outset. It allows the continuation of positive thinking and a feeling for the other person that their views are worthwhile

12. When nothing else works, try this If it comes to a point where you have been unable to get your ideas implemented, or you feel your thoughts have fallen on deaf ears, then make it into a challenge. Everyone loves a challenge and by bringing out people’s competitive streak you are able to bring your original thought and ideas into the play.

8. A formula that will work wonders for you Sometimes you may find that you are unable to understand the thoughts and views of others, so to help you understand you should “walk a mile in their shoes”. Imagine what its like to be them and why they think the way they do about the situation at hand. By doing this you are able to see things from another perspective and you will often find that you are able to understand where they have got their ideas from, and why.

SECTION 4: BE A LEADER; HOW TO CHANGE PEOPLE WITHOUT GIVING OFFENSE OR AROUSING RESENTMENT 1. If you must find fault, this is the way to begin A constant message throughout How To Win Friends and Influence People is to put a positive before any negative. You can handle any situation where you do find any faults by praising the good, before mentioning the bad. It is all about removing the full impact of saying something negative by initially establishing a positive vibe.

9. What everybody wants At some point in your life someone will come up with a suggestion or idea that you cannot agree with - this is human nature. When this happens make sure that you show them the courtesy of hearing them out. Show them that you value their feeling and thoughts on the matter, and where possible discuss with them the positives of their suggestion before explaining how it is not agreeable. Again, positive before any negative to soften any blow. 2. How to criticize and not be hated for it There are certain situations when you may have to criticize someone for something they have said or done. In order to do this without creating a barrier between you, offer suggestions in a positive way that allows them to rectify what they have done, or said, wrong.

3. Talk about your own mistakes first 10. An appeal that everyone likes It does not matter if you think that someone’s ideas or thoughts are wrong or right - everyone is entitled to an opinion. The only way to handle this is to structure your responses in a way that appeals to the person’s sense of right and wrong, their morals. By responding to them this way you are giving them the opportunity to make the decision you want, without it looking as though you have pushed them in any way. This is another way you are able to take the “heat” out of situation - by telling the person in question about mistakes you have made in the past. Adapt them to the situation at hand and then explain how you rose above the error, and came out stronger and more positive. This gives the person a “human” element to relate to.

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millionaire mindset club essential book summaries

HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE
4. No one likes to take orders When it comes to telling a person that you need something done, don’t shout at them. Instead, draw them into the situation by asking questions and encouraging them to think of the right answer. This way they feel like they thought of the solution and makes them want to do it rather than you ordering them to. are able to understand them and recognize where they have their pride. Pride is something that everyone protects, and some people will go to great lengths to do it. By choosing things they take pride in and matching them up with your ideas and situation, you are showing them that they are important, vital in fact, to the success of a project or situation - that without them it would not be possible. This helps to boost their pride and will indirectly make them happier to listen to you, to follow you, and to like you, as you have been able to make their lives richer by just knowing you.

5. Let the other person save face If you have given someone a criticism in some way give them some time to be able to rectify their mistake without alerting others to it. This way you are able to give them the opportunity to “save face”.

CONCLUSION How To Win Friends and Influence People has changed the way people feel about their lives and how they live them. It is never too late to start this change of attitude, regardless of your age. While it doesn’t have to be all about business, How To Win Friends and Influence People can help you to lead your staff in the right direction, increase productivity and monumentally improve your working relations. Learning and implementing the key premise of the book – to always precede a negative (comment or action) with a positive, will also work wonders in your home and everyday life. The deep, meaningful, carefully researched and tested principles that are the foundation of this book are timeless.

6. How to spur people onto success When someone does something right, make a big deal of it to them, and to other people around them. By praising what they are doing you are showing them that you value them, appreciate them and you give them confidence in their abilities. In doing this you will help them to be more productive - they learn to believe in themselves because you believe in them.

7. Give a dog a good name Always boost people’s confidence in social situations by praising their talents to others. Especially when you are introducing them to others in a social situation, introduce them with their name and achievements. This boosts their confidence and they will think highly of you because of it.

ABOUT THE MILLIONAIRE MINDSET CLUB
If you want to change your life, you need to BELONG to a group of people who share your dream. You need to be around people who have been there and can show you the way, or who can support you on your journey. When you BELONG to a team who shares your vision and supports your dreams ,you can start to BELIEVE that you can get there too. And when you BELONG and BELIEVE, you can BECOME, you can achieve your dreams, your goals and your desires. This is what the millionaire mindset club is all about: helping you to;

8. Make the fault seem easy to correct When it comes to advising others about how to correct a problem make the solution seem easy to fix. Tell them ideas you have, pointers as such on how to handle the problem. This way you are showing them yet again the positive rather than dwelling on the negative.

9. Making people glad to do what you want If you have followed the principles already outlined in How To Win Friends and Influence People you should know each of the people you have been working and you

BELONG

BELIEVE

BECOME

Book summary is reproduced with the permission of Standford Management Institute PO Box 7109 McMahons Point NSW 2060 Sydney Australia www.mmclub.com.au Australia: Tel (02) 9922 5201 Fax (02) 9922 5343 Worldwide: Tel +612 9922 5201 Fax +612 9922 5343 © Millionaire Mindset Club 2009

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