Step by step programme & literature review
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Assignment two Module 3 Communication is everything when it comes to self concept. Self identity is brought about by three pillars, namely; the family, the peers and the friends. The kind of communication that is done by the family, the friends and the peers define own perception, and if an individual takes this seriously, it may impact positively or negatively on the life of the person. Johari window represents the knowledge of self, either from the heart or from other people. Generally, it emphasizes on the fact that a person knows himself or herself more than any other person. It acts like a tool or a technique for training oneself in terms of awareness, for personal development and generally how we are able to construct information. The Johari window represents the four components of self. These are, the open self, the blind self, the hidden self, and the unknown self. The open self represents the area of a person that is known to the individual and also known to the others. The blind self is the area that is not known to the person but other people know. The hidden self represent what a person is aware of but others do not known. The unknown self is the area neither known to the person/individual or the others. For self disclosure, one should have the inner drive to pursue what one wants, should have appropriateness to the kind of context that a person wants to disclose and have good timings for the disclosure. Also, there should be equality in disclosure in the sense that a person responds and be receptive to the disclosures. Lastly, a person should evaluate the kind of burdens that are presented in the process and course of disclosure. When a person is disclosing to you, it is good to mind that the person trusts you. Knowledge of such takes both the physical and psychological levels. It is always good to listen to any information given to you and not to interrupt the person. One should show enough empathy, and in addition should reinforce necessarily. It is appropriate to use physical tough in the course of disclosure and confidentiality is highly valued. Trust is important in any form of disclosure. In self disclosure, trust comes as self confidence that what one is aspiring to give out would be received well. Trust also comes in the sense that the disclosed information would not be used by others to one’s disadvantage. Perception is being aware of anything that a person wishes to do or has done and knowing of the stimuli that he or she has selected among many other stimuli. Perception is good because it influences on the kind of meaning we give to something, and is known to be a strong foundation of relations with others. Perception has generally ruled in any kind of communication that I make. For example, I am always aware that some communication can kill interpersonal relations, and such are highly avoided. Effective communication is when the communication achieves the purposes, and in being aware of some of these communications, planning is made. Human communication is influenced by people around. These people form culture, and this culture comes with certain forms of perceptions. Any member of a particular culture is given some notions about how the world is, the structure and meanings that are attached to particular actions and behaviors. Module 4 Response to something shows that one is concerned or is aware of what has bedeviled the other. For example, in showing some forms of empathy and sympathy to another person, it shows that you are concerned. It is very crucial for it strengthens the kind of relations one has had with the affected person. Physical response is when a persons shows real empathy; for example, use of body language. It is good because it enhances receptivity. On the other hand, psychological responding is when one opens to another person’s experience. For showing a supportive and trusting kind of climate when starting a listening process, there are a number of things to be considered. These are, always being mindful of situations present in the environment, receiving the communication physically, always using a selective perception, being organized; interpreting the codes presented during communication, responding to others well and always remember the communication. Effective listening means that a person gets everything that is said by the other. For example, if a person is opening up on some problems that he or she is in, listening keenly makes one develop quick means of attending and responding. For this, the kind of empathy shown would be genuine, and a deeper form of interpersonal relations would be created. Silence, passive listening and reflective listening can be compared. Silence may mean that a person is not putting enough thought into what is being said, and can also mean that a person is listening keenly so as to know the right kind of response. However, the three can be contrasted. For example, silence may refer to attentive communication from other so active listening, but can also mean that the person is not listening at all. Barriers to effective listening can be brought about thinking too much of what to respond, triggered responses from the listener or recipient of message, prejudging the speaker, anxiety and being tired; and responding in a most patronizing manner. Empathy is a kind of response to another in a manner to show support to another in need. There is value in empathy as it is a real kind of interpersonal skill that anybody is bound to require; and it is very valuable in social communication. Interpersonal communication problem: listening in a hurry Over years, I have failed to conquer a problem in listening, a problem that is associated with thinking that I know more than the speaker. Mostly, this problem comes when I construe some conclusions even when the discussion is half way. This is prompted by “listening in a hurry”. This is where I tend to conclude the discussion early enough, even when the speaker hasn’t finished talking. The twist to this is added when I tend to answer in affirmative and interrupt the speaker to mean that I have already known what the speaker is about to say. I consider this to be a problem, and no matter some of the steps that I have tried to take in the past, they seem unhelpful. This is a problem identified in interpersonal relations and communication. When one does not have time for the other, or at least somebody wants to conclude discussions as early as possible, then, there is no effective interpersonal communication. Actually, the speaker may sense that one is not keen in listening. My particular problem is that I tend to think that the speaker gets his or her communication direct, and what is provided at the start of the discussion is the highlight. If a speaker is speaking about his or her problems, I tend to think that what is highlighted at the start is the real problem. In such circumstances, and trying to correlate what I know about the perceived problem, I interrupt and try to give half-baked solutions. I have always considered this as a real problem in me. In essence, it has cost me another of friendships, or at least I haven’t been able to earn trust from my friends, peers and family members. I have found myself being described as thinking to ‘know too much’ when in essence I know little. Whenever my friends find that the habit has started, they ignore and take their own discourse in communication without my involvement. On the same, I have found myself trying to control the pace of the conversation, and mostly to the disadvantages of the speakers. Nichols (2009) writes that listening in a hurry is a form of inappropriate reaction or response during conversations. It is more or less like interruptive listening. One feels that he or she is most qualified to be the speaker, and in most cases remembers something to talk about; as pertaining the topic when the other is speaking. According to Nichols (2009), it is possible for a listener to develop some forms of emotional needs to respond. In most cases, these kind of emotional reactions are inappropriate because they may not suit the other person, especially the speaker. It is more or less a psychological problem on the side of the listener. This is where the person becomes restless during conversations, and does not want to wait for the other person to complete his or her conversation without interjecting. Effective feedback comes when a person takes responsibility especially on responding to issues that have been raised. If a person was disclosing his or her problem to you, the response could be physical or psychological, but it should only be done when the person has finished narrating the problem. According to Nichols, constant disruptions during speaking indicate that a person is not willing to listen, and therefore kills the whole essence of effective listening. The rule is usually spelt that feedback is given after a thorough explanation of a point by the speaker. On this basis, I find myself as lacking effective feedback and not a good listener for most of the times I do not respond to important issues raised and do not allow a point to be explained before I interject or cut short the speaker. Pfeiffer (1998) writes that hurried listening is also a kind of superficial kind of listening. It is superficial in the sense that it is a kind of listening only meant to get some stereotypical forms of answers. People who have superficial listening do not aim to get the real facts as given out by the speaker. Rather, they always want to find some negative points from the speech. It is possible that a listener of that kind is not interested in building strong interpersonal relations. Two of the most outward forms of listening concepts are trust and empathy (Pfeiffer, 1998). Empathy comes as a result of showing some effective feedbacks, where, a person can show support and response through physical and psychological means. For example, if a speaker is narrating his or her problems, the best forms of response would be touching in a manner to console or show support even before giving personal comments about the issues. Trust on the other hand is shown by responding affirmatively and showing total confidence that you are the best person to be given such kinds of problems. On this particular issue of superficial listening, neither empathy nor trust is shown. If for example a speaker narrating his or her problems is cut short, it shows that one is not interested in understanding the whole problem, and therefore shows little of response and support. Such a person cannot be trusted because, the same way he or she is jumping ship during such conversations, the same way he or she is likely to convey these issues to other people. In such regard therefore, I find myself lacking the concepts of empathy and trust in listening. Step-by step programme To alleviate the problem of superficial or hurried listening, there is needed a two month self training. There are various steps that are to be adhered to if total overhaul of the behavior is to be done. These steps are; self-consciousness, consulting a counselor, self-practice, practice with others and evaluation. Most of these practices would be done in the confines of my home and occasionally practice with the guidance counselor and family members. Self-consciousness- this means knowing oneself. The problem with superficial listening is that I have not come to accept fully that I have a problem, and unless I asses myself fully, I will continue to be a disgrace to my own communication. This one-week step would be carried in the confine of my home, and generally involve listing down my problems in this area. Consulting a guidance counselor- even after understanding where my problems in listening lie, I am still needed to consult a professional in the areas of guidance, and especially on communication. A two-day consultation would be enough to make me have a feeling that this problem needs to be solved. Sharing a problem with an understanding outsider is good as it reinforces self consciousness. Self practice- after exposing my problems to an understanding outsider, I would retreat to my home and practice what I consider right when it comes to listening. Self training can only come after self consciousness because at that time, I would already have accepted that there is a deep problem within me. For example, I would listen to a conversation in an audio recording or in a radio and try as much as possible not to interject or think that I have known what the speaker is talking about. A two-week self training would be enough to make me shift from superficial listening to active listening. Practicing with others- after practicing from the confines of my home with taped audios or listening to radio conversations, I would jump to practicing with real people. Having partially learnt the art of waiting, I would occasionally join conversations as a third party and try as much not to disrupt conversations. A two-week of such training would be enough to give me confidence of going it all alone. These two weeks would be followed with some days of practicing some conversations with others on one-to-one conversations. Evaluation- evaluations would be like assessing how much I have faired in the course of the training to listen. Even though evaluations would be done at every stage, it would be essential to make sure that I evaluate all steps to understand the points which I have missed in the course of training, and probably the progress that I have made. The problems would be rectified while I would insist on capitalizing on the gains that I had made. Possible barriers It is not expected that the five-step programme would be smooth all the way. It is expected that various levels would be faced with difficulties and probable frustrations. For example, the first step of self-consciousness is a difficult step. Not a particular person considers that everything about him or her when it comes to listening is bad. Therefore, I am likely to miss some points in evaluating my problems. The second step may also be a problem, if, self-consciousness was not thorough. For example, there is probability that I would not be open to the counselor on all problems I have when it comes to listening. Self practice is a much difficult part. It is very difficult to concentrate on a conversation in a taped audio or in a radio; especially with full knowledge that the sole purpose of listening to the conversation is to train myself not to inject during conversations. If self practice is not thorough, practicing with others would be much difficult. As well, I can only practice with people I have not interacted with in the past because those who know me cannot probably trust me. For this therefore, I would lose track of my training and reverse to old-self.

References
Nichols, M.P. (2009). The lost art of listening: How learning to listen can improve relationship. New York: Guildford Press, Inc.
Pfeiffer, J. W. (1998). “Conditions that hinder effective communication.” The Pfeiffer Library, 6(2), 2-456