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Reflection

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Submitted By cbecker4
Words 1227
Pages 5
Cameron Becker
Phi 102
Reflection #3
02//15

This reaction is going to be a little bit different then the other ones I just want to talk about the whole religion thing. I know it's a hot button issue but I just can't understand how there is no belief in something like A higher power by some people not in a way that you have to go to church but just using the idea as something to talk to or to help you get through it. I asked u whom do you turn to in times of need or depression when you feel totally alone. I know you said strangers but it can be argued that maybe that stranger was supposed to help you. I do hate the idea of gods will over free will but not having something to believe in just seems really empty to me almost like a life unfulfilled, what do you wait for? What do you live for? I guess the “right now” the present over the future. But what about the poor, or the sick, the ones that don't live to be 100 those aren’t able to spend their time on earth to the fullest? Can't there be something offered to them will comfort the time they spent on earth that is unfulfilled? Telling someone sick to come to heaven and sit next to the lord or to be reborn as something else on earth to fulfill that creature journey? It's just really tough for me. I have battled with religion and spiritually and faith a large portion of my life. I was raised catholic but still to this day have not been baptized I remember going to church with my grandma on Sunday's and midnight mass on Christmas and always felt really uncomfortable in the church. I can recall going to a summer school thing at the local catholic school when I was 8 and throwing up everyday and going home. When I was a kid I thought it was just the food I ate there but now as an adult looking back at the situation I see that I was so uncomfortable there that it make me physically sick. I used to joke about it to family and say it is because I was born on Halloween (I really am) and that I was a little demon. But I have always felt uncomfortable in churches. Even now when going to churches (mostly catholic) I feel uneasy until I am back outside I it's because I was never fully involved with church never baptized never confirmed and that bothered me made me feel like a fake or a outsider who made it past the gates. That coupled with the basic fear that the catholic religion gives u I grew up a religious mess.
Out of all that I still walked away with an idea of God and what he was there for. He was there to talk to when I was alone. He was there to ask for strength to ask out girls he was the guy you told you would never drink again if he just made you quit throwing up and I am sure he is going to be the person I talk to when I find out I am having a child and asking for health of my baby. I guess u can ask yourself for that strength or will but it's just who I talk to. It puts a face to whom I am talking to and I guess it's someone to blame when things go wrong. But then again God teaches to forgive others for what they do and even as a catholic I get to get forgiveness for what I have done too. I remember reading this quote somewhere that said "I asked God for a bike but remembered he doesn't work like that. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness." Though it is suppose to be funny it's true, if you feel sorry for what u have done you can be forgiven for pretty much everything. How is that fair? How is that fair to people who don't believe in God? Do they not get forgiven for what they have done? I guess forgiven by whom? And without God do they feel judged?
I had a best friend that ended his life a few years ago, and what I was taught through church is that people who commit suicide are not able to join others in the kingdom of heaven. And I can remember being at his wake and even his funeral talking to others and them saying, “We will see each other again.” And things of that nature and I sat there thinking that I will never see him again and would just get angry at him and at the “Stupidity” of the others in the room. I just wanted to stand up and yell out “you stupid people don’t you know the rules? Don’t you know we will not see him unless we are headed to hell as well?” but in that moment I wanted to forget what I was taught in church and bend it to what I wanted to believe so that it worked for me but I just couldn’t I couldn’t make my own laws and rules I had to follow what was told to me even if I didn’t go to church every Sunday and don’t pray before dinners and after I brush my teeth I still had to follow a rule that was taught to me no matter how much I disagreed or didn’t want it to be true. But I felt that if I broke that rule then the others didn’t stand up either. I don’t know if its considered so much rules as beliefs. But whatever you want to call them, in that time I understood I had to follow or I would have to question what I considered faith. All those times I blamed God for not answering my prayers or not giving me the strength to be successful, now is coming back at me. I will never forgive myself for the feelings that I had at his funeral and a few years ago I went to visit him at his grave and was able to let that hate and anger go. But deep down where I only talk to God do I still feel that idea of never being able to see is face again after I die, I have had dreams where I and minuets with him and tried to tell him his future or what was going to happen but every time I was not able to also sometimes I forget that it does and we end up just hanging out.
Back on subject I cant see how someone doesn’t have that in his or her life. My girlfriend also doesn’t believe in god and the heavens too and its hard to relate to her on things that are faith based. She is a scientific background (BA in Biology) and that put her on the trail to her beliefs, but it’s just so hard for me to hear people say they “don’t believe”. But being a good boy I don’t argue it because it’s their right to not believe as much as it is for me too.

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