The Journey to Finding Confidence The walk home from school during my elementary years was something I loved. Not only did I look forward to it because it meant that school was over for the day, I also looked forward to it because it was one of the few times I had to myself. Amidst the chaos of little kids laughing, screaming, and racing each other home, I would tune out the noise and just think. Eventually I would make it home; my time alone would expire, and I would find myself looking forward to tomorrow’s walk home from school. However, one day the walk home was anything but pleasant. As I was passing the open fields of the horse stables, I heard a voice from behind sing, “Fatty, fatty, you’re a fatty!” Furious as ever, I quickly turned around and told the kid to stop. Once again he chanted, “Fatty, fatty, you’re a fatty!” In my final attempt to stop this kid from bullying me I said, “Say it again and see what happens!” Unfortunately, this backfired and the kid again repeated these words. With no real defense, I was forced to run home and bawl my eyes out. Bell Hooks wrote in Talking Back, “Moving from silence into speech is for the oppressed, the colonized, the exploited, and those who stand and struggle side by side a gesture of defiance that heals, that makes new life and new growth possible. (208)” Through this experience and others similar to it an opportunity for self-growth was opened. In my life, I have experienced or are experiencing obstacles that I will eventually overcome and that will result in the success of gaining self-confidence. Growing up, the idea that boys should like feminine, dainty girls, and girls should like masculine, macho boys was drilled into my head. Despite that, I never really felt that way. Love is love no matter who it is with. For me, if I fell in love with someone who I was physically and mentally attracted to, then it wouldn’t matter whether they identified as a girl or a guy or anywhere in between. Over the years, I became really comfortable with this idea. However, I never was quite comfortable enough to openly talk about it with my family for fear of their judgment. I grew up in a pretty religious Roman Catholic family where judgment plays a big role. Nevertheless, one day I received a text from my mom asking if I was gay. Although I perceived this as a rather odd way to address the situation, I proceeded to tell her I wasn’t homosexual and how I felt about it. By being able to overcome my fear and conquer this obstacle, my belief that it is okay to be whom I am even if that makes me different was confirmed. Similar to that of Bell Hooks’ idea, if we all have a voice and stand up for what we believe in, we create the ability for change to occur. Different is great and weird is good. If we all weren’t so scared of what society thought, we could change the idea that it’s bad to be diverse and instead accept people for who they are. Now that I felt a new sense of confidence in who I was mentally, it was time to tackle the battle of being confident in who I am physically. I can remember one time specifically where it was a late Sunday evening when I realized I left my prized brown makeup bag somewhere and could no longer find it. I demanded that my parents take me to buy new makeup because there was no way I would go to school without any makeup on. Similar scenarios occurred frequently but in regards to my hair. I would refuse to go to school or out in any public place if I did not straighten or curl my hair. I was so ashamed of what I saw in the mirror that it began to interrupt my life in a negative way. Since then, I have done some serious damage control. I reconstructed my views on what I think beauty is; I have washed away what society told me beauty was and replaced it with what I believe beauty to be. I am now capable of going out in public without any make up on or without doing my hair, and get this, I actually feel confident. Much like Bell Hooks stated, if we stand up and have a voice against injustices we can open up an opportunity for change. By embracing my flaws, I know that I can change society’s standards of “perfection” and instead accept a universal standard of “human”. In spite of the huge progress I made being able to feel confident without looking my very best in the mornings, I still struggle with finding body peace. However, to obtain this happiness I need to be healthy. This is why I have started changing my dieting habits and eating nutrient rich foods as opposed to processed, empty calorie foods. Moreover, I have adopted routine exercise as a must in my life. I am not making these changes in hopes of becoming America’s next top model. I have moved away from envisioning the “perfect” female body that is a size two, a flat stomach, and big breasts as something I want because it is simply unattainable for myself. All I want is to be happy with my body. Even though this is an on-going process, I am sure that in time I will overcome this final obstacle and be totally and completely confident in who I am mentally and physically. In today’s society growing up can be a bit scary. Images and advertisements that tell us what to think, what to like, what not to like, and how we should look are being shoved down our throats. Fortunately for me, I was able to escape this disastrous cycle and rebuild my broken confidence. Although it is not a complete process, eventually I will have found total confidence in my mind, body, and spirit. Just as Bell Hooks wrote about moving from silence into speech and opening up the opportunity for new growth, the same applies here. Not only is it an opportunity for us to gain personal confidence, we can also stand up and change the way society works. In the future I hope that we as a human race can move past the shaming and ridiculing. Rather, we accept and embrace everyone for who they are because no matter how minuscule we may feel, every person is important.