Life Lessons

PSY 202
Prof. Julie Hacker
February 06, 2011

Life Lessons I. Introduction II. The Beginning A. Hard start at life B. Moving III. Instability and Friendship IV. Moving into Adulthood A. Dating B. Marriage V. Death of Son A. Hospitals B. Moving around C. Loss of Job VI. Military Life A. Moving B. Birth of Daughter C. Supporting my Husband’s Dreams D. Education E. Stress Caused by Life Changes VII. Conclusion A. Life is short B. Stop at nothing

Life Lessons My life has been a series hard times with glimpses of a silver lining. It started out with the rough edges that come along with growing up in a dysfunctional household. I quickly moved from one dysfunction to an adulthood filled with greater issues. I married my childhood sweetheart, and then our lives crumbled following the death of my son. I picked myself back up again, and found my strength and purpose from the example my son laid forth. I am a mother again, and I am facing a new set of challenges that military life brings. Life is like the ever-changing seasons with its ups and downs, but there is always a summer. Beginning with my hard start at life, to where I am now, I have learned many lessons.
I grew up in an extremely dysfunctional household, but with the support of my siblings I made it through. In my early years, my father suffered from drug addiction and alcoholism. After attending rehabilitation, my family still continued to struggle with the lasting effects that his addictions created. We moved from the house I grew up in to a small community outside the city to create a new beginning. I have many fond memories of my childhood, and I began as a charismatic child. Dancing and singing filled my early years, but as home life became more chaotic I began to withdraw. My older sister and younger brother were my inspiration, and they helped me grow and succeed. They taught me how to be strong willed and self-sufficient. At the same time, I lost my childhood. It was difficult to be uprooted and moved away from friends. At six years old, stability and friendship are an important step in growing emotionally. After the move, I lost those friendships and refused to take on any new ones. Life was too difficult. I could not have any visitors due to the chaotic environment I lived in so I chose to isolate myself. The lack of stability at home caused me many issues at school. I could not make any friends and my grades began to suffer. At sixteen years old, I took a job at a retail outlet and my life began to take a turn for the better. Shortly after starting work, I met my husband to be.
My new goal in life was to establish a lifelong relationship with the man I was dating. We spent many years together, and learned everything we could about the other person. I met his mother and began to attend his family functions. It did not take long for me to figure out that I was not accepted by his family. They felt as though our relationship would never last, because we were “from two different sides of the tracks.” It was quite the opposite actually. We came from similar levels of family dysfunction. He had an overbearing stepfather, just as I had an alcoholic father. Our upbringing was eerily similar to one another’s. Upon reflection, I believe this is what attracted us to each other from the beginning. After two years of dating, we married. We made a simple life for ourselves and enjoyed each other’s company. We moved around quite a bit, and I found a steady job. Several years later, we bought our first house and felt financially secure. The next step in the process was to start a family.
When I was twenty three we decided we would like to have a family of our own, and that quickly turned into a disaster. I was informed by doctors that I was going to be unable to conceive, but a year later I was pregnant with our first child. After a difficult pregnancy, our son was born on August 24, 2006. He made his grand entrance in an extremely stressful way. I felt that something was wrong and insisted that I be placed in the hospital. The doctors felt that I was being difficult and sent me to a room, against their better judgment. No more than ten hours later, I was rushed to surgery for an emergency C-section. Shortly after his birth we found that he was extremely ill. The doctors gave him a short time to live, but he struggled and pulled through for eight months. During the eight months he was alive; I had to pack my bags and move to Durham, North Carolina. Duke University hospital was the only institution in the world that could provide the lifesaving transplant he needed to survive. I spent many months away from my husband and my home. This move caused me to lose my long-standing job. It was a great personal loss. I was unaware that it would not be the last. In early 2007, I was informed that nothing else could be done to correct my son’s condition. We were quickly transferred back to our home in Tennessee, and he died a few days later. During his illness, I learned a great deal about life. Many members of the community stepped up and helped us through this extremely difficult time. My husband and I grew very restless and decided to make a life changing decision.
In 2008, my husband joined the United States Air Force and we began military life while simultaneously expecting our second child. This was a huge undertaking, but I suppose that we needed a purpose. It was my husband’s dream to give back to the community that gave so much to us. We placed our home for sale, and began packing our bags. My husband worked extremely hard to get into shape, and by November was ready to take on the challenge of military life. Two weeks before he left to go to basic training, I was surprised to find out that I was expecting again. This was a tremendous stress, and we wondered if we had made the right decision. Failure was not an option, and we had to continue on with our previous plan. While he was away at basic military training, I moved to northern Virginia for a brief stay at my sister’s house. I worked through the winter months, and in no time at all he was finished with school. We received orders to Luke AFB in Glendale, Arizona many miles away from home. Shortly after our arrival to Arizona, my daughter was born. She is an extremely healthy child. Her birth was not at all similar to our previous experience. I am blessed to have such a wonderful child and all the new experiences that come with being a mother. Recently my husband and I realized that education was the next step on our journey. Passing down the importance of education to our daughter is a priority. You cannot require your children to be all they can be, if you do not strive to be also. It is difficult to care for a one year old and attend school at the same time. I struggle to cope with the stress caused by the series of life changes I am dealing with. According to our text, “Two key strategies for reducing stress and depression are to learn good time management skills, which do not come naturally to most people, and having the active support of your family, friends, or classmates” (Witt & Mossler, 2010 ). I am actively working to reduce stress in my life, but my choice to be a military wife is always going to be stressful. Throughout my trials, I have learned a great deal about myself.
I have had many life experiences that have made me who I am today. According to our text, “Erikson developed the view that each person experiences a set of "conflicts" that need to be resolved during each of eight stages of development, the first three stages spanning early childhood. These "conflicts" arise from demands made on a child by his parents or by society in general. As each conflict is resolved, the individual becomes ready to grapple with the next stage” (Erikson, 2001). Life started out difficult, and has been a series of disappointments. Even so, I have made the best of it. I started life in a rough patch, married, experienced the death of a child, and am now living the military life. Through each difficult situation, I have learned a great deal and will continue to learn more as the years go by. My greatest lesson learned is that life is too short, and you should always follow your dreams.

References
Erik Erikson. (2001). Early Childhood Today, 15(6), 49. Retrieved from EBSCOhost.
Witt, G.A., & Mossler, R. A. (2010). Adult development and life assessment. San Diego, Bridgepoint Education, Inc.https://content.ashford.edu