Assertiveness
Jade Rice
MBA 525
Professional Development
May 9, 2010

Assertiveness To be assertive is to have the ability to express your point of view, your thoughts, feelings, and wants while keeping the rights of others in mind. Being assertive is a balance; in other words, one can achieve the goal without hurting others. An assertive person learns which reaction to choose, whether it be acting non-assertively, assertive, or aggressive on a case by case basis. However, acting assertively is not always the best choice in achieving the best possible outcome. The assertive person has to have that ability to stop and think what is in his or her best interest and the interest of those around them before they act. There is a strong sense of self-confidence with an assertive person. Self-confidence is an important quality to have both personally and professionally. Assertiveness builds leadership because having self-confidence has a positive effect on people. Having a strong leadership foundation can strengthen all aspects of your life.
The people around you will see you as an assertive person that can be trusted and well respected. They will go to you with their thoughts because they can trust your opinions. By demonstrating assertiveness they have seen first hand that you have the ability to be fair. This will also help with building personal relationships and achieving more beneficial experiences in social situations. Being assertive is an on going process since you always have to be prepared for whatever situations may arise. Again, it comes to having a proper balance of knowing when to stand up for yourself and when to let the little things slide. After all, even assertive people will act non-assertively if they are not comfortable in their surroundings. I believe a lot of this stems from the fact that assertive people are trying to be one step ahead and predict the possible outcomes for everyone involved before they even act. This just goes to show the great level of responsibility that comes with choosing to take the assertive role. Assertive individuals do not force their opinions upon others; instead, they will ask why and they are not afraid to say they do not understand. One valuable technique I picked up while working in retail is to know your audience and use the LUR method – Listen, Understand, and Respond. Using skills such as active listening and asking questions lets the audience know you understand where they are coming from, which in result will allow them to form a trust with you. This technique can be applied to both one’s personal (family, friends, spouse) and professional life (co-workers, managers, staff). Everyone is different and I feel as one starts to progress through life he or she will become more assertive and know when what technique should be applied to the situation. As one starts to develop his or her own thoughts and opinions and starts moving away with trying to fit in with the social norms, he will become more confident in his actions; thus, becoming more assertive. Also, as one is exposed to different situations throughout life he or she will start to realize that maybe you do not agree or you want a change. Life changes, you get to a point where it is no longer about being liked but more about doing what needs to be done to progress. If a person would like to become more assertive they must first know themselves. It is important to find a balance between non-assertiveness and aggression that is suited to fit your life. If this person is shy he or she needs to break out of their shell and not be afraid to stick their neck out on the line; after all, “even a turtle has to stick its neck out of its shell to move forward” (Havelin, 2000, p. 14). A person seeking to become assertive needs to be comfortable with using more “I” statements, despite the fact that this is not always accepted in today’s society. Where would we be today if thoughts and ideas went uncontested? If you get rejected the first time it is important to keep at it – being assertive takes practice. It is important that the assertive person remembers to get the point across quickly and calmly by speaking clear, acting relaxed, and remaining comfortable with your surroundings. Also, remember to respect the opinions of others and listen to their feedback after voicing your own thoughts and opinions. Sympathize with those you are talking to and do not be afraid to let them know you understand where they are coming from. Simply put, treat others how you would like to be treated. (Patterson, 2000, p. 98-100) Another key to effective assertiveness is to see how others see you. Others may take your assertive behavior in the wrong context and view it as a personal attack, which will result in them acting the opposite of what you had anticipated. This is why listening and asking questions play such a big role in assertiveness. Hear the feedback and know how to use it. “Know when to push harder or to ease up” and know when to accept that you may have made a mistake and know when to change your mind (Ames, in press, p. 384). In some situations it will comes down to making a compromise and the assertive person has to have the ability to realize when that time has come. It may not be easy, but the goal is to achieve the best outcome for everyone involved. It is a big step for the non-assertive person to branch out and speak up. It is extremely important because there are many damaging effects that the non-assertive person may encounter. Emotions can build up inside which either can result in misplaced anger, low self-esteem stress, or even worse, health problems both physically and mentally. There is a peace of mind when you stand up for yourself and you are not forced into doing things that you do not want to do. Reversely, you have to remember that the aggressive individual also has the anger, stress, health problems but for different reasons. There is also a peace of mind that comes with getting everything out in the open; but once again, it all comes down to finding the right balance that fits your personal needs and the situation presented to you. I’m not saying that one can never be aggressive or act in a non-assertive manner; but, there is a time and place for everything and one must know how to judge a situation before action upon it. We all have the freedom to speak our minds but we have to be responsible enough to know the consequences of our actions. The assertive person is responsible for choosing to act or not to act when a situation arises. Even though the assertive person uses “I” statements it is important to remember it is not always about “you” and to be considerate of all parties involved. Listening, understanding, and then responding lets the audience know you understand – it puts everyone on the same page so to speak. Being on the same page as your audience will help the assertive person achieve the goal of providing the greatest amount of good to as many people possible. Remember, being assertive is supposed to be a “win-win” for everybody. In becoming more assertive one becomes a stronger person which will positively reflect both in one’s personal and professional life.

REFERENCES
Ames, D (in press). In search of the right touch: Interpersonal assertiveness in organizational life. Current Directions in Psychological Science.
Havelin, K (2000). Assertiveness: “How Can I Say What I Mean?” Mankato, MN: Capstone Press.

Paterson., R.J. (2000). The Assertiveness Workbook: How to Express Your Ideas and Stand Up for Yourself at Work and in Relationships. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications.